Must sleep...

I feel a fall cold starting to get its claws in me today, so I'm about to go to bed. Usually, if I can load up on vitamin C and get a good night's rest, I can fend it off early. Wish me luck!

Otherwise, it's been a good week - quiet, but good. I'll end this recent boring/bummer blogpost streak here soon, I promise! A busy weekend is coming up, and I'm looking forward to it...

I hope everyone is enjoying the nice weather - there may not be much more!
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Now playing: opus III - stars in my pocket

Clarification

Regarding my previous post -

I'm aware that parts and the whole of it are all quite vague. That is intentional. Those who know, will know. For the rest of y'all, more explanation may perhaps be a story for another time & place, but not here...

Sometimes, it helps me to write my way through something in order to arrive at my own resolution. That post was one of those times. It wasn't intended to paint a perfectly clear picture.

So, thanks for your patience - I'll return to more benign topics like evil squirrels, running blather, and whining about my gimp tree soon enough! I'm sure you are all on the edges of your seats in anticipation ;-)

Have a great start to the week!
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Now playing: soul asylum - spinnin'

Karma, Reality, and Forward Progress

It appears that the circumstances surrounding a certain recent situation are indeed what I had suspected all along.

Or are they? A wise & crusty boss once told me, "Hydro, reality ain't shit. Perception is everything."

With that in mind, I am perhaps jumping to conclusions about this particular thing, but I doubt it. The funny part of it all is this: none of the "what really happened?" is actually important.

Or, rather, all of it is only as important as I choose to make it.

Was I played for a fool?
Was I an unwitting chump the entire time?
Am I ...*gasp*... a victim?!?

So, let's say for a moment that all of what I suspect is true... I could rack it all up to karma. Unarguably, I then finally got something I had coming from an universal justice point-of-view!

The problem with that viewpoint is that it still paints me as a victim.

But, wait - I'm innocent here!
I didn't do anything wrong!
I'm allowed to be upset about this (if it's true!) - surely then, such feelings are justified!

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Such stinkin' thinkin' is a very slippery slope - it ain't a good or healthy place to wallow around in. I should know better, so...

Why is it that - all too often - our first instinct when feeling hurt is to somehow hurt back? Or at least get acknowledgment that we feel hurt (as we sit around on our pity-pots)?

I'm annoyed with myself for that crap still being a typical initial reaction...

The truth of this particular matter is: The reality is wholly unimportant to my own forward progress. The perceptions are created entirely in my own head, and I fully control them.

If I choose to mope and feel hurt, then I have absolutely no one to blame but myself.

And I am not innocent. I did plenty of things wrong which led to what happened...

I should have listened to my gut more instead of dismissing those somethin'-ain't-quite-right-here feelings as insecure paranoia.
I should have spoken up when I had genuine concerns.
Should I have trusted less, or been more suspicious? No, not that at all! I simply should have assumed less, excused less, and rationalized less.

I chose to lower my expectations & standards in a misguided effort to be more accommodating and not rock the boat.

I should have remained true to myself, and not accepted those compromises.

God willing, these aren't mistakes I will make again in the future. If I choose to see myself as a victim, then I have only my own poor decisions to blame for it.

I am grateful for the opportunity to become a stronger, wiser, and more confident person as a result of the whole experience, so no regrets!

I move forward one step at a time. And I am smiling ;-)

A work in progress...
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Now playing: foo fighters - this is a call

Quick update

Squirrels:
Relatively quiet lately. They seem to be finished terrorizing the corn-stalk thing, and it's still standing tall. The paranoid in me wonders if they are quietly massing for some kind of new attack. Pretty soon, they'll have one less tree to heckle from & hide out in - and that's a good segue to...

"The Tree":
Final detailed estimate is in, and it's even 50% more than the original scary estimate. I had another estimate done, and it was similar. That's going to hurt the ol' pocketbook (or in this case, credit card!). Hurt a lot. But, it needs to be done - I'll tighten my belt a little bit, adjust the budget, and it'll all be fine eventually. Please pray that God doesn't decide to take the tree down before the tree service folks have a chance to!

Hair:
I can't resist anymore. I'm going to start growing it out again. I may just keep it extremely short & stubbly, but I'm curious to see my hair again. We'll see how it goes...

Stay warm!
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Now playing: louis armstrong - i was doing all right

Bummed

My running has been a mixed bag since the marathon. I'm now just running every other day, and ~4-5 miles per go. My paces overall have been great, but the runs themselves have been a struggle for the most part. I feel like I'm fighting through them too much. I think it's mostly due to getting my nose, throat, and lungs conditioned to the colder air. And now that the TCM is done, there's just a certain level of psych that's missing as I go into the winter season. I'm confident it'll come together again; it's just a bit frustrating in the meantime. I'm blessed to have my health, and reflecting on that does gives me strength and cheer.

And I'm bummed that I'll (most likely) need to remove the big ol' ash tree in my backyard. After consulting at length with the arborist about it, I think that's the best thing to do. Unfortunately, it's also the most expensive solution (and, wow, it's expensive!). But even with any cheaper band-aid fixes now, it would just be a matter of time before I would need to take it down - that main trunk split is killing the tree and catastrophic structural failure is just a question of when, and not if.

I'm waiting on a more detailed estimate once the arborist's take-'er-down guru stops by to make an assessment. It's most like going to involve a large crane (numerous reasons pointing toward that being the best & safest solution). Oy. Oh well, I was planning to plant a couple of fruit trees out front this spring anyway, and now it looks like I'll be planting a nice shade tree in back too.

Many thanks to my good friends Matt & Todd for their suggestions on a follow-on tree. A couple of wiseacres, youz guys...

Ah, feeling less bummed already - it's nice to vent a bit. Thanks for putting up with it.

~~~ Squirrel update ~~~

I think the thug squirrels have done what damage they are going to do to my corn-stalk thing and a few other decorations I have up (nothing edible left). The corn-stalk thing still looks fine overall, so I think we're in good shape. Some other smaller corn decorations are a total loss, but that was to be expected. I'm surprised they lasted as long as they did, actually.

When I came home from work yesterday, there was a big pile of some shredded corn-stalk debris piled up smack-dab in the middle of my side-door mat -- as in, "Yeah, me & my pals really dig that corn-stalk thing. Instead of just pooping on your mat, I thought I'd rub it in your face that I own that thing, sucka!!" Hmmm...

...When you least expect it, squirrel. I got your number.
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Now playing: the soggy bottom boys - i am a man of constant sorrow

Squirrel attack!

My brother and sister-in-law were kind enough to load me up with all sorts of goodies on my recent trip up to The Farm. Thanks M & J! And huge thanks to my sis M for hooking me up earlier in the day with a bunch of hastas for around the homestead. From the Farm, I scored a bunch of flower seeds for next spring, some gorgeous fresh garden veggies, some beautiful pumpkins from their patch, and a very lovely corn-stalk decoration for standing up outside of my front door.

Nemesis squirrel and his pals are having a field day with that corn-stalk thing. There were bits & pieces of it all over my front yard today when I came back from work. It's still looking fine overall (impressive work on the solid build, J!), but it's not going to handle many more onslaughts like that. Hopefully, the squirrels got their fill of whatever they were after in there, but who knows. And they are still tearing the hell up out of all my grass, but I've given up on caring about that (for this season, anyway).

As much as I'd love to feed those bushy-tailed rats a tasty poisoned corn Halloween treat, I know there would just be plenty more to replace 'em. So, I'm not quite sure what my next move will be.

I'll come up with something...
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Now playing: nancy sinatra - these boots

Tree Doc appointment

I have a large, mature tree in my backyard that somehow developed an ugly main-trunk split. I'm not sure how old the split is, nor is it clear what originally caused it, but if that less-stable half goes, it's going to wreak major damage on my neighbor's house. That would not be good.

Although my brother-in-law was confident that I could do the needed cabling/bracing work myself, I decided to roll in the pros after reading some eye-opening DITY horror stories on the internet. The consensus was quite overwhelming that such a job (at least on a mature tree) is not a task for the average DITYer.

So, I have an appointment set up for Weds with a certified arborist to take a look at it. Maybe they can cable it, or maybe they will need to cut something down. We'll see. But, I'm definitely happy that the situation will get addressed. I'm sure it ain't gonna be cheap, but as they say, "You can't put a price on peace of mind". Or something like that. le sigh

I'll let y'all know what The Tree Whisperer has to say on Weds...
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Now playing: electronic - tighten up

Facebook - part II

I am now liking Facebook - I've been able to connect with friends from high school, college, my USAF days, and beyond. It's proving to be a nice complement to this blog in terms of staying updated & connected. I'm still learning my way around it, but I certainly enjoy making the connections that I am. Good stuff!

Feel free to come on by if you're out there (link over on the right somewhere)...
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Now playing: the white stripes - we're going to be friends

Rainy Tuesday

Quiet couple of days here post-marathon... Still feeling great overall - I'm very happy that both knees, my noodley left ankle, and my uppity right achilles tendon are all doing fine. I haven't run since Sunday, but I'll go for a jog tomorrow. When it dries up more later this week, I'm planning to get some nighttime mountain biking in.

I put up some insulation patches here-and-there up along the foundation in my basement tonight. It certainly ain't much to look at, but I think it worked out pretty well and I'm hoping it'll help this winter. In hindsight, I suppose I should've used one of those surgical mask things, but I like to live dangerously ;-)

I had planned to start letting my hair grow back out (just for grins), but I've gotten good feedback on the baldness in response, so I'm going to stick with it. Well, until the next urge, anyway. It's nice to still have the option, no doubt about that!

Nothing to report with the ongoing squirrel feud. Weather permitting, I'm going to be doing a bunch of flower replanting this weekend, so we'll see how well he tolerates that...
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Now playing: kris kross - warm it up kris

Twin Cities Marathon '08 - "Complete"

What a morning!

The marathon ended up going very well - I'm happy to say that I exceeded my personal goals, and I'm also very happy to report that I feel fantastic right now. Even after choosing to walk 14 blocks for part of the way back home after the race. No injuries, and no worrisome aches or pains - above all else, I'm most grateful for that!

The marathon start was arguably perfect weather - overcast and cool. I started off with a throw-away cotton long-sleeve shirt that I tossed after a few miles once I was somewhere close my desired first-half pace. Shortly after that, the hard rain and wind started. It got f'ing cold. Really cold. I think that was perhaps the coldest I've ever been in my life...

The rain & wind was worst when I was in The Lakes section of the course, and it was just plain brutal. I definitely considered stopping altogether more than once. To be honest, the thing that kept me going was feeling that if I stopped, I dreaded that I would literally go into hypothermic shock, so I just kept going out of pure naked fear more than any other motivation. Other than the I'm-so-freakin-cold-my-bare-skin-feels-like-it's-burning sensation, I couldn't feel a thing anywhere on my body, so I had no idea if my knees were coming apart or not; I just knew I must keep moving...

I had to pee almost right from the start of the race, but I didn't dare stop to do that or anything else, primarily because I had zero confidence that my icy legs would agree to giddyup & go again. I passed up numerous water stops & nice folks trying to give me a High-5 because I could not move my fingers out from a fist. And forget trying to have an energy gel - I never did regain the dexterity to open one of those things.

Finally, about halfway through, the rain let up. And the gaggle was thin enough that I could start attacking in earnest. Once I warmed up enough to get a feel for how my body was holding up overall, I began my push...

Since my recent knee issue prevented me from getting in any long-distance training runs (18+), I was leery of how aggressive to get ramping it up. I know now that I didn't push as full-out as I could've, but hindsight is 20/20 ;-)

My 'chip time' is 3:45:14, so I'm thrilled with that. Trying to be fancy, I dorked up hacking my watch at the start, so I thought my time was around 3:55 as I neared the finish. Had I known that I was so close to sub-3:45, I definitely would've rallied to get under it, but I'm certainly not complaining!

A ginormous "Thanks!" to family & friends who braved that hideous weather to come out and cheer me on - you all ROCK! You guys & gals are unbelievable - I can't express how grateful I am that you were there - thank you!

EDIT: Funniest t-shirt award goes to the dude who wrote I HAVE TO POOP across the back of his shirt. That's a distance-running thing, so it may not be humorous to some of you. But it was funny. Trust me.

A few pictures here
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Now playing: blur - song #2

Getting excited!

Found someone else at work who is doing the marathon, so that's neat. She's looking to run similar times to me, so if we both survive the TCM, perhaps we'll do some runs together next season. I don't mind training solo, but having any level of mutual support is definitely a good thing!

And on that note, I've recently joined a local running club (I know - nice timing, right? Just in time for winter!); I'm looking forward to participating in group runs and training opportunities with them next season.

Quiet this week - just have been doing 3-mile jogs every other day. I think I'll pick up my race packet Friday night, and then do the last couple of miles of the course on Saturday.

As long as it's a nice day, I'll also knock out some more yard work on Saturday, and then it'll be time to chow pasta and get to bed early.
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Now playing: social distortion - no pain, no gain