What can I fix?

Just me. That doesn't seem like a very satisfying answer on the surface, but I know it's the truth. I may have many ideas of how to make things better for other people and their circumstances (or my own, for that matter!), but I must be honest with myself first about my true capabilities and motivations for doing so. Am I truly qualified to advise anyone else on a given matter? OK, sometimes, the answer may be "yes", but surely not as often as I'd like to think ;)

It's sometimes difficult for me to share my own experience, strength, and hope (ESH) without morphing my delivery into some kind of a "here's what I think you should do" or a "here's where you are going wrong" proffering. Or sometimes I'm in an excited hurry to share my ESH because I've already judged the situation/person without first being a patient & effective listener. It is quite frustrating when I realize that I am lapsing into such behaviors.

The Good Lord knows I still (and always will) have plenty of work to do with regard to my own personal house-cleaning, so I must always bear in mind my own limitations & boundaries. What so often starts simply as innocent enthusiasm can be swiftly overtaken by more grandiose motivations. This definitely defeats any initial well-intentioned purpose, and can (in fact) be damaging in the end.

My Program continues to grow me into a better person, and I must willingly allow that steady progress to take it's natural course, even if I think it's slow at times. I must be present. Present in the proper place of my recovery journey. Present in the here & now. Present for my friends and loved ones. Present in the conversation or task at hand. Not fast-forwarding, not stepped away because I've already made judgment, not worried or distracted with unrelated concerns, not taken in by opportunities for self-grandeur.

Presence. Uncluttered, honest, sincere presence.

A work in progress...
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Now playing: amy winehouse - back to black

Yielding to wintry wx...

I put my yummy down comforter on the bed tonight, so that makes it official for me. It certainly has been a delightful fall so far -- the leaves along the river are bildschön, and I am happy for these brisk evenings/nights (good sleeping!).

I love fall ;)
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Now playing: dean martin - baby, it's cold outside

True, true...

I love that website... always makes me laugh!
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Now playing: sergio mendes - the girl from ipanema

Back to basics

Sheesh, taking chances & becoming vulnerable can be pretty scary. I've grown very comfortable & confident in my sobriety's progress, and new opportunities and life situations have been steadily opening up to me. I must remember to remain patient, humble, and clear-headed as I face them.

Instant gratification has always been, and still is, my inner-alkie's most effective weapon of choice, and it's a true test for me sometimes to properly clarify & interpret my motivations. But, hey, new challenges are good - they keep me on my toes and continue to energize my recovery program. Keeping that dynamic is a good thing.

"Alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful..." And patient. I can't ever afford to forget that, especially when things are going so well! One of my treatment counselors used to remind us that--even in times of strong sobriety--our addiction will forever be nearby just out of sight (doing push-ups, haha!) quietly waiting for that weak moment.

Hmmm, that sounds kinda dark & despairing now that I read it, but it's not at all. It's simply a fact of life for we recovering addicts & alcoholics. As long as I work a good & honest program, keeping my inner-alkie effectively beaten down is actually not very difficult.

Just can't get suddenly creative, cocky, or cavalier. Get back to basics. Bring it on! ;)

A work in progress...
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Now playing: ministry - jesus built my hotrod

Lame efforting

I'm once again slacking with the blog. I have no good reason for said lollygagging; I just haven't felt like proffering any musings. As I last posted, life is good -- quite excellent, in fact. So, it's not that there's anything amiss in that arena. There's most definitely some good stuff coming together for me lately, and I'm excited to see how these things turn out over the next month or so.

I'll post up as appropriate when duly motivated!
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Now playing: red hot chili peppers - knock me down