Balance

My Mom often proffers the following advice when I update her & my Dad with what I've been up to lately: Keep your balance.

Wise words.

It's very easy to let things get out of balance, even when I may feel I have it all pretty well under control. The biggest thing I must balance is maintaining my recovery as the #1 priority in life. I feel I do a good job of that overall. Room for improvement? Of course! But that's why I stick with working my Program on an ongoing basis - I'm always learning.

But smaller upsets in my balance can easily grow and oscillate into other areas, so that's what I need to remain well aware of. While the vast majority of things happening in my life do not pose any sort of direct threat to my recovery efforts, improperly handling them certainly has the potential to snowball dangerously ("Serenity NOW!!!")

Right now, I'm taking some me-time to reassess my training plan & goals.

I began this season with the upcoming Twin Cities Marathon (TCM) as my "A-race" for the year. Then, mid-season, I decided to get into triathlons, but wisely shelved any immediate entry there (i.e. significant races) until next year. However, I have been accumulating tri gear, equipment, and training plans, and have admittedly been quite distracted by this exciting new world of tri. I am very pumped to hit triathlons hard next season, but I have to remain faithful to this season's plan - a good show at the TCM.

I've recently been blessed with a fantastic opportunity to participate in the 2009 Ragnar Relay, and I'm very much looking forward to that! Though I remain focused on the TCM as the big fish in the pond, I don't see any real conflict with that and Ragnar. However, I did sign up for two sprint triathlons this season ("Just to get a feel for things"), but one didn't end up working out schedule-wise in the end, and the second one is scheduled for the same weekend as Ragnar. While there's an outside chance I could still do that second tri, I don't see it happening. It doesn't make sense to push that hard - especially considering it would be my first tri race. So, while it stinks to eat those race entry fees, it's a small price to pay in terms of experience if it means I stay healthy and true to my goal for this season.

Continuing that theme, there's simply no good reason to push so hard in general to mishmash in so many adventures & experiences just because I seemingly can. I'm young, I'm blessed with amazing health these days, and I've got many, many years of running and racing ahead of me - plenty of time in the future for many more goals!

So, it's time for me to throttle back a bit. One nagging result of my distracted training imbalance has been this tight right calf. Still there. Not worse, but not better. I've decided to take some time off from running to give it a rest. That will also be a good time for me to reassess my game plan for the final months going into the TCM. I'll plan to do some swimming in the meantime, but overall, I'm taking a break from scheduled training - I need it to restore my balance, and I'm very confident good things will result ;)

A work in progress...
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Now playing: cat power - breathless

"Open Book" Recovery?

Today, I am blessed and grateful to celebrate 3 years of sobriety.

How? One day at a time. Progress, not perfection.

My recovery has not been (and certainly is not now!) perfect, but I'm humbled & thankful when I reflect on how far I've come from that amazingly low place 3 years ago. My recovery will forever be a work in progress, but one I embrace with 100% of my energy. My sobriety is -- and forever will be -- the most important priority in my life.

The initial steps in my recovery journey were the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than all the other "hard things" in my life combined. For me, it was very literally a life-or-death situation, and for a frighteningly long time there, I had consciously chosen death as the final option. Turning that around was not easy under the horrible weight of shame and that suffocating state of utter hopelessness. But I finally made the choice to get better, and with God's grace in my life, I've enjoyed a steady return to life - a great life - a truly healthy life blessed with a loving family, amazing friends, and rich with activity. The Promises of AA have all materialized in my life over these last 3 years, and I am so grateful for that.

I am unlike many folks in recovery - I am very open about my recovery journey. I haven't always been that way. During the first year of my sobriety, I focused exclusively on it - I didn't pursue a job or new relationships outside of meetings, or otherwise communicate at all to many people outside of meetings and my family. After that first year, I became much more comfortable & assured with my situation, and it was then easier to reach out to other folks - to begin re-establishing old & disconnected friendships, and start new ones.

My active alcoholism was far from a private matter. Everyone in my life knew I had a horrible problem, and I have a criminal record which publicly documents a clear problem with alcoholism. Since my battle with alcoholism itself was very open, I decided that I would be correspondingly open about my recovery journey. To me, that just made sense to do. Particularly, as I was re-establishing contact with old friends, that question of "Wow, you're alive! I though you'd be dead or in prison by now! What happened?!?" warranted an honest and complete answer.

So, I started this blog and otherwise became willing to share my story with folks - both folks in recovery (of course) and "normies" too.

Some folks in recovery disapprove of me taking this approach of openness - they advocate that recovery should always remain very private, they advocate humble anonymity in all cases, and remind me that AA is a program of attraction, not promotion, etc, etc, etc.

I understand and certainly respect their viewpoint on this matter - after all, years ago, addiction & alcoholism were much more of a stigma and scarlet letter than they are today - it was risky then to be "open" about being in recovery. However, I have not encountered any such stigmas, either professionally or personally. And, if I did at this point, I now have the confidence and conviction to ASAPly set that sh!t straight (pardon my french). Of course, I would do it in a manner that kindly educates and informs ;) -- ignorance & prejudice with regard to recovery shouldn't be tolerated any more than other forms of ignorance.

Some folks in recovery may say that I am unduly grandstanding with the open sharing of my recovery story. Again, I disagree. Please do not confuse my enthusiasm and passion about recovery with undue pride or self back-patting. Getting kudos and atta-boys are not why I share my story or openly celebrate my sobriety anniversaries. I choose to share my experience, strength, and hope with both folks in The Program, as well as "normies" on the outside - I share because I've encountered a need to educate, inform, and be a living example of the miracle of recovery.

Most importantly, continuing to be open and accountable (recovery and otherwise) to ALL people close in my life helps keep me straight on the path of right living.

That's why I do what I do - it works for me.

I'll close by sharing my new favorite quote; it's from Kurt Vonnegut - "You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do." Indeed!

A work in progress...
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Now playing: johnny cash - i walk the line