Wednesday, July 1, 2009

"Open Book" Recovery?

Today, I am blessed and grateful to celebrate 3 years of sobriety.

How? One day at a time. Progress, not perfection.

My recovery has not been (and certainly is not now!) perfect, but I'm humbled & thankful when I reflect on how far I've come from that amazingly low place 3 years ago. My recovery will forever be a work in progress, but one I embrace with 100% of my energy. My sobriety is -- and forever will be -- the most important priority in my life.

The initial steps in my recovery journey were the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than all the other "hard things" in my life combined. For me, it was very literally a life-or-death situation, and for a frighteningly long time there, I had consciously chosen death as the final option. Turning that around was not easy under the horrible weight of shame and that suffocating state of utter hopelessness. But I finally made the choice to get better, and with God's grace in my life, I've enjoyed a steady return to life - a great life - a truly healthy life blessed with a loving family, amazing friends, and rich with activity. The Promises of AA have all materialized in my life over these last 3 years, and I am so grateful for that.

I am unlike many folks in recovery - I am very open about my recovery journey. I haven't always been that way. During the first year of my sobriety, I focused exclusively on it - I didn't pursue a job or new relationships outside of meetings, or otherwise communicate at all to many people outside of meetings and my family. After that first year, I became much more comfortable & assured with my situation, and it was then easier to reach out to other folks - to begin re-establishing old & disconnected friendships, and start new ones.

My active alcoholism was far from a private matter. Everyone in my life knew I had a horrible problem, and I have a criminal record which publicly documents a clear problem with alcoholism. Since my battle with alcoholism itself was very open, I decided that I would be correspondingly open about my recovery journey. To me, that just made sense to do. Particularly, as I was re-establishing contact with old friends, that question of "Wow, you're alive! I though you'd be dead or in prison by now! What happened?!?" warranted an honest and complete answer.

So, I started this blog and otherwise became willing to share my story with folks - both folks in recovery (of course) and "normies" too.

Some folks in recovery disapprove of me taking this approach of openness - they advocate that recovery should always remain very private, they advocate humble anonymity in all cases, and remind me that AA is a program of attraction, not promotion, etc, etc, etc.

I understand and certainly respect their viewpoint on this matter - after all, years ago, addiction & alcoholism were much more of a stigma and scarlet letter than they are today - it was risky then to be "open" about being in recovery. However, I have not encountered any such stigmas, either professionally or personally. And, if I did at this point, I now have the confidence and conviction to ASAPly set that sh!t straight (pardon my french). Of course, I would do it in a manner that kindly educates and informs ;) -- ignorance & prejudice with regard to recovery shouldn't be tolerated any more than other forms of ignorance.

Some folks in recovery may say that I am unduly grandstanding with the open sharing of my recovery story. Again, I disagree. Please do not confuse my enthusiasm and passion about recovery with undue pride or self back-patting. Getting kudos and atta-boys are not why I share my story or openly celebrate my sobriety anniversaries. I choose to share my experience, strength, and hope with both folks in The Program, as well as "normies" on the outside - I share because I've encountered a need to educate, inform, and be a living example of the miracle of recovery.

Most importantly, continuing to be open and accountable (recovery and otherwise) to ALL people close in my life helps keep me straight on the path of right living.

That's why I do what I do - it works for me.

I'll close by sharing my new favorite quote; it's from Kurt Vonnegut - "You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do." Indeed!

A work in progress...
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Now playing: johnny cash - i walk the line

2 of y'all tellin' it like it is:

Unknown said...

I want to start by saying Thank You for writing this. I found your blog from a blog you posted on another site.
The promises are starting to manifest in my life and I am so grateful to everyone that helped me stick around long enough to live them.
Concerning grandstanding, I don't think that by writing a blog you are doing so. If you hadn't written this blog and posted it I would not have found it and read similar thoughts of my own. I have been very open with my recovery and it is working wonders in my life. I think it is sad when people pass judgement on those that simply wish to share their good fortunes. Are they like that because they have to work through a defect of their own or what.
Gandhi practiced openness better than anyone I have learned of yet. He didn't keep any secrets from anyone. I am trying to find the specific quote but can't. If I do find it I will send it your way. Take care my friend,
Chris

Chris H. said...

Hi Chris!

Thanks so much for the kind words, and I'm very happy that you've found my blog! I couldn't agree with you more, and I'm very appreciative that you took the time to share your support - thank you! Wishing you well, brother - take care!

Cheers, Chris

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