My name is Chris and...

I'm a 24 addict.

I'm not much of a TV watcher, but I started watching "24" this past season. I didn't catch all the episodes, but I definitely got hooked. I've done a few 12th-Step work outings lately together with the same fellow AA buddy, and it turns out that he's a "24" nut. He has the first few seasons on DVD, and he's lending them to me (I let him borrow my Band of Brothers in return). I'm only about halfway through Season One so far, and I'm lovin' it! And, yeah, yeah, I know - everyone keeps telling me it gets even better after Season One...

So that's my super exciting plan for tonight - cook up a tasty pasta dish, and curl up for a few discs -- errr, I mean episodes, of course! -- of "24". Heck, I went for a nice long run this afternoon, so I don't feel too guilty about being "loungey" tonight.

Wishing you all a great start to the weekend!

EDIT: And for the Chuck Norris fans, here's a new flight suit patch offering (this'll make more sense after reading the post comments)...

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Now playing: golden smog - another fine day

Lookin' around

I had a very enjoyable ride last night. I went to Salem Hills after my evening meeting, and it was a nice way to close out the day. Peaceful, quiet, and pleasantly uneventful.

The trail is in good shape, although there are some trees down here-and-there from the most recent storm. No biggie. On one rather twisty section, there was a larger tree down, and I had to get off the bike and climb through & around the carnage. I needed a break anyway, so I sat and rested a bit. It really was a very beautiful night.

It occurred to me, as I sat there drinking my water and sucking down an energy gel, that I kept primarily looking up at the trail ahead and to the sides of where I was. I hadn't looked back to where I had just come from. So I did. It immediately struck me as being somehow darker than everywhere else - in reality, this was just a coincidence of the trail itself - the previous section was a downhill switchback to where I currently was. I thought to myself, "Man, that would be quite a gnarly challenge to reverse & go back that way."

And that got me thinking - nothing like waxing philosophical out in the pitch-black woods, right? ;) ...The past being darker & difficult, the path ahead being "brighter" and easier to navigate - things along those lines. Then it occurred to me that I was starting to sound like Bob the junkie (Matt Dillon), in that scene from Drugstore Cowboy, describing his aversion to mirrors: "You never look at the backside of a mirror because when you do, it'll affect your future because you're looking at yourself backwards. ...No... You're looking at your inner self and you don't recognize it because you've never seen it before." Haha, yeah, maybe something like that, I guess! Sheesh, ya gotta marvel at the way we addicts' & alkies' minds work sometimes!

So, I laughed at myself, climbed back on my bike, and contentedly finished the lap with a grin on my face.

Happy trails & good dirt!
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Now playing: minor threat - look back and laugh

Resentments

Resentments are one cunning animal! As a recovering alcoholic, I must be extremely wary of resentments - harboring them is all too often the first step down that infamous "slippery slope".

Managing my own resentments can be difficult enough, but dealing with others' ongoing resentments towards me (and my past behaviors) is uniquely challenging. Often, these are manifested when I'm not expecting it or otherwise prepared, but I must always tread carefully in response.

When I was in my active addiction, I did hurtful & selfish things to other people - including people I loved and cared for deeply. Many things I'm greatly ashamed of, to say the least. While I'm not going to post my own entire 4th Step Inventory here on my blog for all to see (that wouldn't be proper), I am fully prepared to disclose & discuss those things with the appropriate people at the appropriate time. This is a necessary consequence (if you will) of my past, and an important part of my ongoing recovery is to not close the door on any of that, and to live today honestly, openly, and unselfishly.

I must never forget that I can't control others' actions - all I can do is carefully temper my own reactions, and humbly tend to my own life & recovery. Thank goodness for The Serenity Prayer!

A work in progress...
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Now playing: U2 - grace

Ugh.

One example of why I would never be able to deal with models. And why America desperately needs more good teachers!
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Now playing: nada surf - popular

"I'm... so... scared..."

I have done a few night rides now with my new bike light, and it's been a blast! It's really bright; a huge improvement over the weak-sauce light I bought many years ago. I only rode in the woods once with that older light, and that experience kept me off the trails at night until recently.

When I first bought that old light, I excitedly decided to try it out that very night. This was when I lived in Arkansas, and although I had several hard-core riding buddies, none of them had lights at the time. So, I headed off solo to the Camp Robinson trails (just north of Little Rock). I had planned to just ride on one or two of the easier, shorter loops to see how this whole night riding thing worked. Well, my new-found zeal soon emboldened me to continue into some of the deeper, more intermediate trails and all was going just fine. It was a moonless night, and the deeper trails at Camp Robinson really are out in the middle of nowhere, so it was a very peaceful and pleasantly surreal first-time night ride experience - right up until I suddenly flatted a tire...

Like my new light, I had this older light mounted on my helmet. I laid the bike down and proceeded to unpack my bag and ready the wheel for a tube swap. That's when I really noticed just how incredibly quiet that deeper section of the trails was. At first! Then the noises just seemed to steadily increase. Leaves rustling, sticks crunching, branches rubbing and snapping, etc. From all directions. I would hear something (close by?!?), and then swing my head up to look, and (of course) see nothing. Now, I must point out that this was about the time The Blair Witch Project was out, and I had seen it recently. And me nervously swinging that darn helmet light beam all around was reminding me of that movie more & more with each passing second. And the noises seemed to get closer each passing second. Somehow, despite my increasingly shaky hands, I managed to get the new tube on, and I raced back to my car faster than I have ever done before or since. I was so thoroughly freaked out by that experience that I have not biked any woods at night until now, so many years later...

So, it's been good to have some very positive night ride experiences lately. I still ride solo, which is kinda scary, but that's OK - it builds character, right? ;) I just ride at an nice-n-easy pace and don't do anything crazy. And riding Pookie (rigid singlespeed) helps keep my riding not too aggressive, so that's worked out well for starting out. That new light is very comforting in how bright it is. Much more confidence inspiring. However, no flats or mechanical issues on these last few rides, so I'm still not sure how I'll handle that whole scenario again... And let's hope that I don't have to find out anytime too soon!

Happy trails & good dirt!
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Now playing: cake - the distance

Q & A

I've been meaning to do something like this for a while now, and recently found a great list of questions on a fellow blogger's site (thanks J Willow & J Willow's mom!). I added a few other questions to the list she had. It's a hoss, so you may want to go to the bathroom first and grab a cuppa coffee before starting... Enjoy!

1.) Weddings or Tea Parties?
Tea parties, I guess. Neither is really my forte…

2.) Favorite Food?
Fave "fancy" food is fresh & well-prepared sushi. Fave "comfort" food is DiGiorno pizza.

3.) Favorite color for plates?
Haven't ever given it much thought. Jade maybe? Dunno…

4.) Favorite color for bedroom walls?
Slate or dark blue. Maybe a green. Or the right shade of grey. Heck, I'm open; it all depends on the lighting. Mine are white now, haha!

5.) Dining Style?
Informal, although I do try to remember to use utensils when in the presence of others

6.) Gas or electric stove?
Definitely prefer gas. Currently have electric though.

7.) What do I like to BBQ best?
No such skills myself, but well-prepared smoked pulled-pork is mighty tasty. And I don't usually "dig on swine" (as Jules would say).

8.) Meal I would make to impress a friend?
My lasagna went over pretty well recently. I'll stick with that one until I feel adventurous again.

9.) Favorite dessert?
Cheesecake. Yummy.

10.) Style refrigerator you prefer?
I like the ones with a water & ice thingee on the outside of the door. I'd like one of those someday…

11.) Gardening or cooking?
Cooking, I suppose. The lesser of two evils ;)

12.) What style car could someone say you are?
No idea. Hopefully, something dependable.

13.) What kind of animal would a friend say you are like?
Maybe a dog? Yeah, y'all have fun with that one!

14.) Favorite piece of jewelry?
My Swiss Army watch that my parents gave me as a college graduation present

15.) Favorite movie of all time?
Being There

16.) Favorite musical instrument?
Piano or saxophone, I like the sound of both. I don't play, of course. I myself am a black hole of musical talent.

17.) Favorite voice?
Carl Kasell from NPR. Garrison Keillor has a great voice too. Blossom Dearie, Sarah Vaughan, and Diana Krall for music.

18.) What words would you just love to hear to describe you?
Responsible. Kind. Patient. Knowledgeable. Considerate.

19.) Who would you just love to impress?
At the end of the day, just myself. When I'm concerned about impressing others, then something isn't right with my motivations or what I'm doing. If I do it "right" for myself, then the right people will be impressed as a matter of course.

20.) How would you want to do that in 10 words or less?
Maintain perspective & focus; do the next right thing

21.) If you had one thing to do over and could make it end differently what?
Nothing. I blogged about this a while back…

22.) If there was one age you loved being what was it?
I like where I'm at right now. Every day's a new adventure.

23.) How do you picture being 65 in 10 words or less?
Hard to catch ;)

24.) What country would you really like to spend 2 weeks in?
New Zealand. Haven't been there yet, but have heard many good things…

25.) What would you like to invent?
Ugh. I know I have something for this, but I can never remember these things when put on the spot…

26.) Favorite magazine?
National Geographic. Then Smithsonian and Outside.

27.) Cowboy on a horse or in a truck?
Errr, I don't dig on cowboys. "Not that there's anything wrong with that!", as Seinfeld would say…

28.) Are you afraid of thunder and lightening?
Not by themselves, but some of the other things they may be associated with can be scary.

29.) Favorite temperature?
Mid 60s

30.) Favorite vacation spot you have been already?
The North Shore in Minnesota

31.) Cheap vacation you liked?
Camping & canoeing on the Buffalo River in Arkansas

32.) Friend you want to do a road trip with?
C

33.) How would you change your looks for a new look?
I wouldn't; I'm quite happy with what I have =)

34.) Hair colors you have tried and liked?
None. I shaved my head once though.

35.) Contests you have won?
I just recently won a Picture Coloring contest at my apartment complex's "Resident Appreciation Week" shindig. Ha, those kids never had a chance! I keed, I keed… I won for the adult category, but I think I may have been the only entry. But, hey, it's a $15 gift certificate to Barnes & Noble – not too shabby!

36.) Home improvement projects you have done well?
I can hang pictures pretty well…

37.) Favorite antique?
My grandparents' dining room set; it's nothing fancy, but I'm lucky to have it

38.) Favorite children's book?
"Where The Sidewalk Ends" by Shel Silverstein

39.) If you wrote a book what would the subject be?
My life, and it would be one heckuva book.

40.) Who would you enjoy meeting again from your high school?
Bob

41.) What question do you need an answer to today?
That maddening "What would you like to invent?" question from earlier!!!

42.) If you could build something what would it be?
Another tree fort

43.) What is your most prized possession?
My bikes. Don't ask me to pick one, they're all listening right now…

44.) How many books have you read this year?
Too many to count. I love to read.

45.) Novels or nonfiction?
Both, but mostly novels

46.) Favorite author?
Augusten Burroughs, if I must right now name just one. There's something on every page of Magical Thinking that makes me laugh out loud.

47.) What art forms do you enjoy the most visually?
Mobiles. I love Calder's work.

48.) What nature walks do you remember?
Crosby Park in St Paul when I was little. Gooseberry Falls & the shorelines of Lake Superior.

49.) What museum would I most likely find you visiting?
Walker Art Center

50.) How many hours of sleep do you need?
Need? 3-4 Want? 7-8

51.) Are you a cuddler or a "don't touch me"?
Definitely depends who's asking! I think a cuddler though…

52.) Do you like to fly or ride trains?
Both. Trains can be a lot of fun. I guess it depends on how much of a hurry I'm in.

53.) What color do you like to wear to bed?
Whatever boxers I have on work just fine. I don't typically change for sleepy time, I just wear less.

54.) If you designed a hat what style would it be?
Something functional, I guess? I'm not really much of a hat person…

55.) Favorite number?
Pi. I was a math major, I'm allowed to be geeky once in a while.

56.) Do you know your bank balance?
Hecks yes

57.) Do you rectify your checkbook every month?
Weekly

58.) Prefer to bank online or use mail?
Online

59.) Favorite actress?
Uma Thurman

60.) Favorite actor?
Peter Sellers

61.) Do you respect one or both of your parents?
Both, absolutely.

62.) Can you speak to a crowd?
You betcha

63.) What would you like to tell the world?
Be generous with your time, resources, and love. Be willing to forgive yourself and others.

64.) Would you rather climb a mountain or go snorkeling?
Snorkel. It sounds less taxing right now.

65.) Sport you simply love?
Mountain biking

66.) Something you achieved that you are proud of?
Sobriety

67.) Favorite scripture passage?
Romans 13.8-14

68.) Favorite book of the Bible?
I can't honestly say I have one. Maybe Psalms?

69.) Marriage good or singledom good?
Singledom is perfectly fine & good for now; I look forward to marriage being very good if/when that time comes

70.) Best marriage you have seen?
My parents

71.) Have you been to a counselor?
Yes

72.) Do you think medications hold the answer to mental balance?
In some cases, absolutely; however, I do believe we are an alarmingly over-medicated society. Sadly, far too many people expect pills to "fix" problems that they lack the courage to ably deal with themselves.

73.) Do you fear doctors or dentists more?
Neither causes me fear

74.) If you could have perfect teeth in 5 years with braces or dental work would you do it?
No. I like my slightly bucked teeth just fine, thank you very much.

75.) What country would you live in besides the USA?
Canada, I guess. Maybe the UK.

76.) What field of work would you think you could succeed in besides what you now do?
Still exploring some of those options now. I think counseling at some point in the future; we'll see where that goes…

77.) Bounty hunter or Zoo-keeper?
Zoo-keeper. I'm not good with one-on-one, potentially violent confrontation. Well, with humans, I mean…

78.) Road construction or Librarian?
Librarian; I think that'd be pretty cool

79.) Chef or Museum Curate?
Museum Curate. Cheffin' definitely ain't my calling…

80.) Photographer or Postal worker?
Postal worker. No skills with a camera.

81.) Model or CPA?
CPA definitely. I'd shoot myself in short order if I had to put up with 1% of the hooey you see on "America's Next Top Model". Ugh. Numbers aren't needy or whiny. I can deal with numbers, even if they aren't terribly exciting.

82.) Actor or Fireman?
Fireman

83.) What are you hungry for right now?
Ice cream. I've been craving sweets lately.

84.) What are you wearing today?
T-shirt, cargo shorts, and Keen sandals - my standard summer outfit.

85.) Christmas or July 4th?
Christmas; I adore the Holiday season

86.) Do you have a tattoo?
Yes

87.) Do you want a (another) tattoo?
Someday yes, I think just one more. I have some ideas, we'll see…

88.) Do babies make you feel soft and warm or like running away?
I definitely like babies, but have no long-term experience with them. I guess the best way to put it is that they generate a nervous excitement for me.

89.) Do 5 year olds make you laugh?
Most of the time, yes. If they don't, then I boo & heckle.

90.) Are teens fun or challenging?
Both I'm sure, but I haven't had a lot of work with them directly.

91.) What facial expressions do you make when you think of kids?
Usually a smile ;)

92.) Are older folks interesting to you?
Yes, definitely. Experience is life's best teacher.

93.) Do nursing homes make you uncomfortable?
Most do. Some don't. It depends on the overall atmosphere; I know as soon as I walk in the door.

94.) Do you like to ham it up for the camera?
I'm often rather awkward when there's a camera out

95.) What city in the USA would you like to live in for one year?
Seattle or Portland maybe? Haven't though about it much. The Pacific Northwest is attractive, though.

96.) If money were no object would you stay where you are or move?
Move, but not too far. I'm pretty happy with the local area for now…

97.) Do you mind taking care of sick people on occasion?
No, if there is a need and I am able to help, I don't mind

98.) Can you handle a medical emergency?
Yes, for the most part. Although I'd have a really hard time sawing off my own arm like that one hiker had to do a while back, so I definitely have my limits.

99.) Are you cool under pressure or fall apart?
Cool. Plenty of experience there…

100.) Have you survived a disaster?
Yes, but everyone's concept of "disaster" is different

101.) If life full of joy or full of pain?
There are always some of both, but neither should be absolute or all consuming. Both are necessary for proper balance & perspective.

102.) Glass half full or half empty?
Half full

103.) Are you cool or hot?
Cool

104.) Do you want to be a hero?
I just want to do the next right thing with whatever's in front of me

105.) What is your favorite dog breed?
German Shepard. Labs are nice too. Larger breeds, that's for certain.

106.) Cat or dog?
Dog, definitely. Cats are only good for mousing.

107.) Diamonds or rubies?
Diamonds, I guess. Not really into that kind of bling, though.

108.) Hot dogs or corn dogs?
Corn dogs

109.) Chinese food or Italian?
Italian. Thai over Chinese for asian food.

110.) Cinderella or Tinkerbell?
Tink

111.) Where were you when 9/11 happened?
St John's, Newfoundland, Canada. Some of that story is in my "Past-Life Adventures" picture gallery. It was crazy, to say the least.

112.) Favorite body part?
Hands, they are pretty cool indeed

113.) Are you superstitious?
No

114.) Are you suspicious?
No, but I try to maintain a healthy skepticism when appropriate

115.) Do you notice details?
Yes, sometimes. How's that for an answer? ;)

116.) Favorite TV detective?
Chief Wiggum

117.) Favorite cartoon character?
Calvin

118.) Do you want a pool or a tennis court?
Neither; if I had that kind of spare space in my backyard, I'd put in a mountain bike pump track.

119.) Would you feed starving kids or help the humane society if you could?
Help feed the starving kids. Then teach them to be responsible pet owners.

120.) Do you fake bake, tan in the sun or avoid sun?
Avoid. Sheesh, I'm Irish and Norwegian - my only two color options are pale white and sunburned.

121.) Favorite part of the newspaper?
Editorials

122.) What book are you reading now?
The Divine Comedy - Vol II: Purgatory

123.) What's on your mouse pad?
No mouse - I like my trackball

124.) Favorite board game?
Trivial Pursuit? I haven't played a board game in a while…

125.) Favorite smells?
Outdoors, deep in the woods - that earthy, woodsy smell (especially after a rain!). And my bed after washing the sheets.

126.) Least favorite smells?
Paper-processing plants. Sulfur.

127.) Favorite sounds?
My bike shoe cleats clicking into my pedals, or that whoosh of powder spray on that first carve of a snowboard run. And the "Four Fans of Freedom"; I'll always love that sound :)

128.) Worst feeling in the world?
Failure of self

129.) What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
"What on earth was THAT dream all about?!?" I have some wild & crazy dreams, but I can't ever remember them once I'm fully awake.

130. Favorite color?
Earth tones & pastels. Yeah, that wasn't very helpful, I know…

131.) How many rings before you answer the phone?
Depends what Caller ID says!

132.) Future child's name?
Haven't given it any thought, but I don't have any "musts" here

133.) Chocolate or vanilla?
Vanilla

134.) Do you like to drive fast?
No. I'm getting old I guess. I can't say that I particularly "like" to drive at all.

135.) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
No

136.) What type was your first car?
'95 4-door Saturn SL2 sedan

137.) Meet one person dead or alive?
Bill W. (founder of AA)

138.) Favorite alcoholic drink?
None for me, thanks. I'm allergic.

139.) What is your zodiac sign?
Pisces. I only know that because Blogger automatically puts it in your blog profile. I'm not an astrology person; I leave that to the pros like Miss Cleo...

140.) Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
Yes. And the entire asparagus stalk, and peanuts & sunflower seeds whole (shell & all). Weird, eh?

141.) Do you type with your fingers on the correct keys?
No, I wish! I occasionally practice; I do actually have a typing program on my computer. I can hunt-and-peck like a champ, though…

142.) What's under your bed?
Storage bins containing extra bed linens and older clothes. Leave no room for monsters or any other ill-intentioned entities.
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Now playing: iggy pop - lust for life

Art time perk

"The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls." -- Pablo Picasso

I'm looking forward to seeing the Walker's exhibit on Picasso and American Art. My sister and I are planning to see it in the near future. It will also feature work from one of my very favorite 20th century artists: Roy Lichtenstein. I'm excited!

We went together to see the Calder (another fave!) exhibit at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts last year, and it was simply amazing. His work is awe-inspiring - that was an unbelievable collection...

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Now playing: the cure - just like heaven

The sky is falling!

There's a thread on MTBR.com discussing the merits of dusting bikes' inner tubes & tire casings with talcum powder, and someone pointed out that talc is (potentially?) a carcinogen-level substance.

Sheesh, whodda thunk it?!? And here I am, a big fan of said talcin' technique for my rubbery bits... Stuff like this makes me wonder if I should be amazed that I'm not yet six feet under, or even just growing a pinky toe out of the middle of my forehead. Apparently, I live quite dangerously (albeit largely obliviously)! I think I like it that way - I'm not ready for the bubble just yet ;)

Stay safe out there, kiddos!
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Now playing: filter - hey man nice shot

Slow yo' roll...

"Pray for powers equal to your tasks" -- Phillips Brooks

I very much like this quote. It reminds me not to overextend myself, and to choose my "battles" wisely & humbly. Most often, it is my pride which causes me to overfill my own plate. Because my energy & powers are only finite, some task more important & pertinent suffers due attention when I choose to indulge my pride or any other selfish motive. I must be wary to not squander my gifts in this manner.

A work in progress...
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Now playing: yo-yo ma & the silk road ensemble - distant green valley

Note to self...

A long run on days like this is overly masochistic. This is August, right?!? Brrr! If anybody needs me, I'll be recovering in a steamy bubble bath for the next 6-9 hours...
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Now playing: goldfrapp - strict machine

Contentment

'Twas a most pleasant evening. Good company, good food, and good times. And simple. Simple is good.

And as usual, we had too much food, but that's OK - I'm all about leftovers ;)

This MN weather is a trip, ain't it? I like it though; it's a welcome respite from the heat and we need the rain. It makes me excited for the upcoming fall - my favorite season by far...

Tonight, I'm grateful for my loving & very definitely singular family!
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Now playing: nina simone - feeling good

Pookie lives!

And even Munch's screamer is stoked on the glad tidings.

Pook's hoops arrived on schedule today, and I got 'er all built up this evening (some pics now posted in her gallery). I didn't have a chance to do anything aside from riding around the block a few times to test the brakes out, so I'm excited to get Pooker back in some good dirt ASAPly.

However, I'll be busy with other stuff tomorrow (hosting a lasagna dinner - wish me luck!), and it also sounds like rain is definitely enroute. So it goes - I'll get on the trails again soon enough, and will just have to be patient until then...

Happy trails & good dirt!
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Now playing: electronic - feel every beat

Workin' it...

Such pesky things, these "character defects" I have are! In my 12x12 meeting last week, we discussed Step 6 - "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character". Readiness & willingness are the keys to this Step. Now fast-forward to tonight's meeting on Step 7 - "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings". Humility is the watchword of this Step.

But can I really expect my Higher Power to actually remove ALL of my shortcomings? Like many AAs, I have been blessed that God has removed entirely my obsession to drink - I do consider that to be a true miracle. But I can't reasonably expect God to remove my other character defects in this same flash-bang miraculous manner. My willingness from Step 6, combined with my humility from Step 7 prepares me to address my character defects. This work is up to me. I cannot simply "pray away" these shortcomings, nor is just "turning them over to God" going to cut it. God can & will assist me to the extent that I am ready to work humbly on this ongoing task - after all, I am only human, and thus will always have some character defects (progress, not perfection!). But I must remain honestly aware of them and tenacious in my efforts to remove them; God can provide me the strength to do that. In the 12x12 (p76), we are reminded that "The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear--primarily fear that we would lose something we possessed or would fail to get something we demanded." Ain't that the truth! For me, it certainly does ALL go back to self-centered fear. Fear of change, fear of failure, fear of inadequacy, the list goes on & on...

One tool I've found helpful when I am in such a position of weakness (invariably by my own placing!) is to focus on an attitude of gratitude. That is, to reflect on the things I am grateful for. This never fails to be instantly humbling for me, and always "resets" my outlook to a much healthier one. From this position of humbled strength, I can take positive action.

Over time, my honest work at this process turns from concerted effort to genuine change. And thus, some of my character defects will be entirely removed. I've certainly seen indisputable progress of this in my life, and that is something I am grateful for - it gives me strength needed to continue on this journey!

A work in progress...
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Now playing: iron & wine - freedom hangs like heaven

Wheel good news

It's wonderful news, I must say…
Pookie's new hoops are on the way!
Packed up today, in Brown Santa's sleigh,
Scheduled to arrive sometime Friday!

But, alas, I'll only believe it when I finally get "hands on" that yummy box… After all, my luck with much-anticipated Friday deliveries hasn't been so stellar (there were two other botches before the one I mentioned in my first-ever blog post). Already, UPS is showing the tracking status as an "exception". However, they reassured me just now that was only for a weight adjustment, and that the package should still be on schedule for Friday, but I'm not gonna get my hopes up yet. Maybe I should rattle some chicken bones at those mischievous weather deities who are the usual suspects behind my delayed Friday-delivery buffooneries...

At any rate, there seems to be a pretty decent chance here that I'll have Pookie up & running over the weekend – that would be most excellent! Heck, I'll still be excited even if the delivery does rolex till Monday - it'd still be sooner than I was expecting before...

Happy trails & good dirt!

My antagonist: The Iron

The Good Lord knows there's not exactly a shortage of daily-living activities I don't particularly ever look forward to tackling. For instance, cooking and cleaning. Both are clearly necessary to do, but I can't say I really enjoy doing either one, as so many people seem to. I think I'm just not wired to find pleasure in such things; however, Yoda would likely instead remark that "inherent laziness... strong in him, this force is." Yet, even with menial tasks like cooking & cleaning, I do come to feel a sense of worth & accomplishment once I begin, and that provides enough motivation to do the task well & thoroughly.

But this ironing business... Ugh. I simply detest it. It's just not any fun at all, nor is it in any way for me a satisfying work result like a clean room or a nutritious & reasonably edible dinner is. Good music helps ease the drudgery, but not even this would make ironing enjoyable to me. And since I have no impressive ironing skills or any such knack for ironing whatsoever, I suppose that adds to my dread of this particular necessary evil. I'm not bad at the task itself, I'm just not gifted with any "touch", speed, or any other redeeming ironing aptitude.

You may be asking yourself, "Why doesn't Chris shut up already and just take his stupid shirts to the cleaners?" I'm too cheap for one thing, and once again, that would involve work like regularly going hither-and-yon to the cleaners, and carefully scheduling certain shirts to be gone at certain times... "It's Tuesday! But where's my lucky 'Tuesday' rayon-chihuahua blend, wide-lapel safari shirt?!? Drat - it's at the cleaners!" Clearly, this is no good.

And so I choose to do it myself, albeit begrudgingly. Harrumph!

Past Lives (part II)

Over to the right, I made a link to some pics and history of my USAF days. Not trying to relive any past "glory days" here or anything like that, but those experiences (good & bad) did greatly shape the person who I am today, and I am thankful for them all. So, I celebrate that and would like to share some of them.

Good dirt!

What a great couple of days of mountain biking I've had! The weather has been beautiful, and everything has just "clicked" especially well for me yesterday and this morning. I felt particularly full of confidence & energy; it was the most fun I've had riding in a while.

On Friday, I did one monster long ride hitting 3 different trails from Bloomington to Eagan to Inver Grove Heights. Boo-Boo ate it all up in spades and wanted more, so we went out early this morning for a quick spin too.

I honestly cannot fathom (for me) a better full-boinger bike than Boo-Boo. She handles sooo very nicely in every possible respect - I can't help but get a big contented grin on my face every time I clip in and start hammering.

And all that makes me hugely excited to get Pookie back in the mix. She'll be my dream build of a singlespeed 29er when I get the new wheelset on; I can't wait! I am truly blessed to have my awesome bikes, and I am grateful for the happiness (& life-lessons!) they bring to me.

Happy trails & good dirt!

'Nuff said

Get a Mac. You should do it right now. Seriously.

Lucky?

Does such an animal as luck really exist? Or do we "make our own luck", as some would have it? I agree that we do indeed make our own luck for the most part, and that the rest of the unforeseen inexplicables--whether lucky or unlucky--are things that happen to us for reasons that simply aren't clear at that time. At such a point, we need to make the next right decisions. It's these unplanned curve balls (good and bad) that life throws at us that genuinely test our true character. Do I react with a clear & humbled mind and deliberate, unselfish action? Or do I squander an opportunity due to my unwillingness?

I must trust that it is all my Higher Power's will, no matter how difficult it may be to understand at the time. When my "fortune" is good, I must give credit where credit is due, and move forward humbly. When my "fortune" is bad, I must not look to blame or dismiss. I must remember that every challenge is an opportunity in disguise, and act rightly & bravely with an unclouded mind.

"You can't always control what happens to you, but you can always control how you react"

"Hey Chris, what's with that cat picture??" Answer here

Unlucky!

Grrrr. It appears that Pookie's new wheelset is delayed another few weeks. I don't yet have any more details. I know they will be well worth the wait, but it's still frustrating to be one bike "down".

Boo-Boo will have to trooper on as the main steed for a while longer, but that's OK - she loves being the center of attention...

Happy trails & good dirt!

Oh, you flirt!

Sometimes, I am surprised at how my Recovery's overall progress manifests itself to me. Much of the time, I can see the direct benefits of working my program through the tangible or rather easily discernible results of living in accordance with the 12 Steps. Likewise, my failures resulting from disregard are also often clearly evident.

But some progress is more difficult to gauge through introspection. For example, self-confidence. Over this past year, the rebuilding of my broken self-confidence has been a steady corollary of working an honest Program. I know that self-confidence is something I can bolster when needed, but I do wonder how I carry & present myself when I am not specifically thinking about it. Do I come across as the confident and self-assured person I desire to be, without having to make a conscious effort to do so?

Admittedly, this may be a rather silly measuring stick (certainly not conclusive!), but I have noticed over the last several weeks that I've often been harmlessly flirted with. Just small things like exchanging a common pleasantry like "Hello" or "Good Morning", but accompanied by her ever so slightly lingering eye contact and hint of an impish smile. Or looking up from my book at a coffee shop and meeting the eyes of an attractive woman looking at me, the slow spread of her smile as our eyes lock for that split-second longer than casual happenstance would dictate, and then we both sheepishly look down again, only to repeat that brief exchange one or two times more before one of us finally quietly departs. Have I simply been oblivious to these occurrences in the past? Perhaps. Or have I changed, and am now "seeing" some of the effects of that increased self-confidence & composure in the way other people interact with me? I'm not sure, but I must admit that I like those particular results either way! ;)

While I can't claim that all of "The Promises" have come true for me yet, I certainly can't deny the steady headway. This gives me strength and encouragement.

A work in progress...

Control vs Influence

I was discussing with a friend today the differences between "leadership" and "management". To me, leadership is the art of influencing people, and management is the science of controlling events. The skills of an effective manager can be wholly taught and learned, while truly effective leadership cannot (in its entirety) - it is an art some people are particularly gifted with. That's not to say that the study of leadership is wasted effort. On the contrary, this study is vitally important - even for the most naturally adept leaders.

Study is important because it can be easy to confuse when to be a leader and when to be a manager - that is, to jumble the proper application control and influence. Some people are excellent managers, but fall short as leaders - their impressive managerial skills cannot ever make up for their lack of ability to effectively influence people as a leader. Despite their most determined efforts, this gap simply cannot be bridged. And the opposite case is common as well. In both instances, they are either naively unaware of their shortcomings in the one area, or choose to mistakenly believe that they can completely make up for it using their strengths in the other arena. The result is the same either way - ineffectiveness or failure.

Discussion & study will aid one in discerning when it is appropriate to exercise control, and when it is appropriate to exercise influence.

This theme of control versus influence is critical to 12-Step recovery programs as well. And the importance of making careful & deliberate distinction between the two in Recovery has many parallels to being a good leader and manager.

In Recovery, I both manage and lead my own Program. On the surface here, the application of management is fairly easy to understand. I manage my time to make meetings, talk to my sponsor, devote personal time to working my Steps, etc. I must also manage the other areas of my life to support my Program, such as avoiding "slippery" places, people, and things. This last part can be difficult. I must be truly honest with myself and never lose sight of what I absolutely control - which is ONLY myself and my own behaviors & reactions. I cannot "control" these same things in other people, despite any burning desire I may have to somehow do so. This is where the confusion of control versus influence can be very dangerous. I may be able to influence them (directly or indirectly) in a helpful & productive manner, but I must be careful to not feign influence when I'm actually attempting to control. When I try to control other people, I am trying to make them conform to my own selfish, misguided, or otherwise unreasonable expectations - but people are not events. When I influence other people, I must do so only with OUR sincere best interests in mind - it is then not selfish, as they benefit as well. There is nothing wrong with the fact that "what is good" for them can also be good for me - after all, that is a desired goal of effective leadership.

And so, in that sense, I lead myself - and that can be a true challenge at times! I must be wary of not confusing what I can control with what I can perhaps influence. I say "perhaps" because I must be careful about what I choose to attempt to influence. Again, I must guard against selfish and/or gratuitous motivations, and then the trap of confusing my intended "influence" with control.

For help in this area, I rely on my sponsor and others in my Program fellowship -- their collective experience, strength, and hope provides me the "study material" I need to develop & hone MY role as the sole leader and manager of my program & my life.

A work in progress...

Just did it...

Hooray, hooray, my place is clean!
Everything has a brand new sheen.
The dust bunnies are all corralled up,
Packed away ready for the garbage truck.
The dining room set shines a bright glow,
And my pics hang straight all pretty in a row.
The entire place smells clean & bright,
I'll sleep well in my casa tonight!

Yeah, I know, not much of a future as a poet ;) Just happy it's done!

400

Today marks 400 days for me. What else is interesting about 400? From Wikipedia...

-- 400 is the mathematical square of 20
-- A circle is divided into 400 grads, which is equal to 360 degrees and 2π radians
-- An HTTP status code for a bad request
-- The Four Hundred (sometimes The Four Hundred Club) - a phrase meaning the wealthiest, most famous, or most powerful social group, leading to the generation of such lists as the Forbes 400 - I've got a while yet before I make that one!
-- The 400, later the Twin Cities 400, a Chicago and North Western Railway passenger train that traveled 400 miles between Minneapolis/St. Paul and Chicago, Illinois in 400 minutes

What is special about today for you?

Just do it

"Let him that would move the world, first move himself" - Socrates

When I am discontented with some aspect of my life, it is because I am not taking positive action to right or better that circumstance. Whether it's me being "King Baby" on my pity pot or just plain sloth, discontentment is surely the result. The danger here is that more treacherous feelings such as resentment, despair, or apathy can take hold & insidiously grow from that discontentment.

This is a slippery slope, and I must be vigilant against it. I must remember that words and action go together.

Today, I thought of all this because I have been dragging my feet with giving my apartment a thorough cleaning. Perhaps it's trivial & silly, but that fact that I haven't begun this yet is rather bothering me. Why am I making excuses to myself for not just starting this, when I know it's the right thing to do? Interesting. OK, OK, I'll start ;)

A work in progress...

e.13 STS (part III:final)

And there was much rejoicing... The new chainguide is a success - washboard trails and brake bumps got nothin' on me now! To give a little history, I used a bashguard & inner plate "sandwich" as a chainguide when I first went to a 1x9 setup. That worked well for my initial 32t chainring setup, and later for my 34t chainring. But, I found over time that I would be most comfortable with a 36t chainring, and that initially sounded fine since 36t is the max limit on any available inner plate design. Pushing that max limit was OK on most terrain, but bumpier stuff was regularly throwing my chain - no good at all. So, I looked to get a more aggressive chainguide system, and now, the e.thirteen SRS-W is rockin' it furious bomb-proof stylee. Mad props & many cheers to e.13 for working with me to get it right with Boo-Boo's VPP frame...

I've only had a few rides on the new Cinder tire up front, but so far I'm liking it - hooks up very nicely, and isn't too slow.

I gave Boo-Boo a good cleaning for tonight's photo-shoot, and posted pics in the "My Spoiled-Rotten Kids" Boo-Boo link over to the right... I should have pics of Pookie up in a couple of weeks.

All's well that ends well...



Happy trails & good dirt!