Rah-rah 2008!

Have fun & be safe! See ya next year...

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Now playing: rufus wainwright - what are you doing new year's eve?

Last weekend of '07

All of the Christmas decorations are once again packed away. I've stopped listening exclusively to my Holiday-themed playlists. All the due laundry is done, the casa has been tidied up, and all of my household affairs are confidently in good order following a thorough post-Holiday scrub. All in all, a pretty productive weekend. Not too productive, of course. Next, I just need to decide what (if anything) to do on NYE. I'll sleep on it; that sounds like a good enough plan for now ;)
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Now playing: iron & wine - faded from the winter

Art time perk III

Frida Kahlo at the Walker. Excellent exhibit! Our visit today had an interesting beginning...

We enter the Walker to get our passes, and there are three ticket people all sitting at the same desk ready to take our money. My sister goes to the first one who looked up at us, and I stood behind her expecting one of the two others to soon help me. I look at each of them in turn, and they both smile brightly back at me; they were clearly not busy. After several of these back-and-forth glances with them both, the man--as if some hidden timer had suddenly gone off--chirpily announces & motions that he can "now" help me "right over here", which is less than a half-sidestep to my right...

So, I hand over my money, and then turn to watch my sister get her aluminum ticket tab -- just when you'd expect the ticket-chick to say something like "Thanks, enjoy the show" or "Please remember there's no flash photography", she instead flatly states:
"Solar panels blinding canyon boulder."
Pause. "Errr... I'm sorry, what was that again?"
"Solar panels blinding canyon boulder."
Another pause. "OK... Thanks", said my sister as she stepped off to the side, and fiddled with putting her ticket tab on. The ticket-chick turned slightly, and contentedly grinned at a blank wall. I exchanged a quick "WTFO?" glance with my sister. Out of the corner of my eye, I see ticket-dude reaching across with my ticket tab, and when I turn to accept it, he says:
"Duck hat fetching pencil car."
"Yes, of course. Thank you", I quickly responded, not in the mood to hear him repeat it, or give him the pleasure of asking him to repeat it. However, I must admit I did have a strong urge to punch him in the face. Odd.

So, do any of you cultured peeps out there in Bloggersphere know what this was all about?!? Were we simply the unwitting prank victims of three bored, grinning-idiot ticket minions? Or was this some sort of new David Lynch -inspired coded greeting? I've never before had an employee there speak unintelligible drivel to me, and purposefully instigated discombobulation doesn't seem like a practice the Walker would advocate. Meh, I don't get it - but we pressed on...

The exhibit itself was fantastic; I didn't realize how much of a messed-up life Frida had, and some of her art very clearly reflects that. I myself found her self-portraits with various monkeys particularly disquieting for whatever reason, as if The Two Fridas and The Dream (to name just a couple!) weren't perplexing enough. Her perceptions on many things, including America's "obsession with plumbing and sports", in My Dress Hangs There are quite thought-provoking. All are very interesting pieces, to say the least. I'm never not surprised at the depth & breadth of any given artist's work when I go to an exhibit. I'd like to know more about some of her specific pieces I saw today; I'll have to see what I can find on the 'net. One of my good friends from work was going to see family in Mexico City over the Holidays, and she mentioned that she would try to see Frida's house - I'll be curious to find out if she did. I highly recommend checking this exhibit out before it ends on 20 Jan - well worth it!
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Now playing: fiona apple - sullen girl

Thank you, family!

What a wonderful Christmas it has been. It was good to see most of the family unit over the last two days. Shaun, Katie & The Boys are safely off on their annual winter-break adventure, and despite a minor auto accident (no details yet), Karin, Chris & their gang have checked in after safely arriving down south to see his father. For the rest of us, it's been some great quality time together. As usual, there was far too much food, and we all ate far too much as a result. And we laughed - a few of us narrowly cheated a premature death from choking fits, we laughed so hard. Ah yes, good times, good times...

We roll'd dem bones whilst playing two rounds of The Wonderful Christmas Spirit Sharing & Giving Game a.k.a. The Evil Thievin' Game this year, and that is always good humor. Memorable paraphrased quotes from the various gift exchanges:

"Oh wait... Stop, stop unwrapping! That's so-and-so's gift... Here, you just take this over here instead."
"How much time is left? ... 10 minutes ... But there was 10 minutes left 5 minutes ago..."
"I can see the latino influence... It's there... Look closer."
"No, really, you can have the bowls. No, you ... No, you ..."
"OK, so who's gonna take the coffeemaker? Seriously."
"Is that black toilet paper? Nice!"
"You just took them?!?" (re: the infamous booty of Target gift cards)
"Yes, of course you can use them for that. See, they're 'multi-purpose' wipes..."
"Your salt-&-pepper shakers are molting."
... I know I'm forgetting some other winners, but that's a taste.

A big thanks to my awesome family for yet another great Christmas!
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Now playing: ella fitzgerald - have yourself a merry little christmas

Wrapping-challenged

Ugh. I am the worst gift-wrapper in the world. No skills. Yeah, mine look nothing like that picture. And I'm just using newspaper, so that isn't helping my case here at all. My family is going to get a good laugh out of this buffoonery...
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Now playing: elvis - santa claus is back in town

Happy Holidays!

I wish everyone out there a very Merry Christmas!

Godspeed if you are traveling - be safe!
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Now playing: leonard cohen - hallelujah

Pay it forward

One night this week, I volunteered to assist at a Holiday celebration hosted by a local organization that helped me get back on my feet with finding a job. I have done some volunteer work for them in the past (but it's been a while), so when I saw the invitation to help, I said "yes", although I didn't know any details. As it turns out, this was a Holiday party for primarily single-parent families who are in transitional sober housing, or are getting program support for domestic abuse, dual-diagnosis, etc. Despite not having any experience with these recovery-specific services offered by this organization, I was grateful for the chance to give back for the invaluable job-placement assistance they provided me.

I came over straight from work, and the shindig was in full swing - Santa was there for the kids, there was a cookie 'decorating' area, a crafts area, karaoke available for Holiday songs, bingo, and other activities. Since I wasn't a regular face in these other programs, I had several people approach me and ask who I was, why I was there, etc. I enjoyed talking with everyone I had the opportunity to. Most were surprised to learn that I was in recovery myself: "But you don't look like it!" was something I heard more than once - haha! if only they'd seen me 1.5 years ago! It ended up being a wonderful 12th Step opportunity - I shared pertinent parts of my recovery journey with people, and I hope it benefited them as much as it did me.

One adolescent boy timidly approached me as I was watching a group play bingo (as sugared-up tots excitedly darted to-and-fro with their decorative craft-project paper reindeer antlers swinging wildly), looked me over, and said "You must think we're all crazy." I laughed and said, "Oh, not at all... In fact, if anyone here is crazy, it's me -- heck, I even still have my locked-up-in-the-psych-ward paperwork to prove it!". We ended up having a great talk about where he was at, what options were available to him, etc. When he had to leave, he said "Thank you", and the sincerity of it made my day.

I left that night very grateful - grateful for the miracle that is the 12-Step program of AA, grateful to all of the amazing people who have supported me in my recovery journey, and grateful for the gift of unexpected opportunities to pay it forward.

A work in progress...
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Now playing: social distortion - story of my life

:)

"OK, I'll talk! Just NO more 'elf yourself' emails!!!"

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Now playing: helmet & house of pain - just another victim

Art time perk II

On Saturday, I got to spend some quality time with various family members, all with the added bonus of gettin' my arts & culture on. In the morning, I went with Margo and Katie to see the Georgia O'Keefe exhibit at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts. Details on the exhibit here. Fantastic show! My favorite painting there was a small still life of a fig, titled appropriately "fig". Isn't it interesting what different people find appealing & attractive? All of her work was beautiful, of course. I enjoyed our discussions of what she was trying to convey in her various abstract paintings - good fun!

That evening, most of the family unit went to see one of my Mom's concerts. She is in the Twin Cities Community Gospel Choir, and her love for music & singing is beautifully apparent when she is on stage. The Good Lord knows I don't have much of an ear for music (yeah, that gene definitely skipped over me!), but you couldn't help but be caught up in the genuine enthusiasm generated by the choir & their clear passion for the music. A most joyous and energetic Holiday celebration! Good times, good times...

I still have yet to go see the Frida Kahlo exhibit at the Walker before that show ends in January. I'm looking forward to that!
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Now playing: alison krauss - down to the river to pray

The road to hell...

Some say the road to hell is paved with good intentions (or unbought stuffed dogs, if you are a Hemingway fan), and I see plenty of truth in that. Whether it's those little white lies given under the guise of 'protecting' someone from a perceived-to-be inconsequential or unnecessarily painful truth, or it's simply not taking the right & proper action. I'm indisputably capable of being smugly satisfied with knowing the 'right' answer or having a 'good plan', but do I take timely action? As the 12x12 reminds me (p 67), "Consider, too, our [as alcoholics] talents for procrastination, which is really sloth in five syllables." Indeed!

Anyway, what's gotten me thinking about this recently is the fact that I've heard from some old friends recently - and what a true blessing & wonderful Holiday gift that is! Although I have had intentions of contacting them eventually, I hadn't taken action. I could list off any number of excuses for not doing so, but as one of my friends pointed out at a recent AA meeting, "a road 1000 miles long also has 2000 miles of ditch", and I certainly fell in the ditch somewhere with my grand plan of contacting old buds.

So, my friends, thanks for pulling me out of the ditch - it's nice to be back! Your support and goodwill are greatly appreciated! ;)

A work in progress...
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Now playing: the decemberists - sons & daughters

Mr. Yuk & Letting Go

Resentment is a poison we take hoping the other person will suffer

AA's Big Book (p 64) reminds me that when it comes to the defeat of self, "Resentment is the 'number one' offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stems all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically."

When I am mad or resentful with something, I am in denial of the fact that I am practicing self defeat. The true victory in these discontented circumstances is not the fulfillment of some form of karmic 'justice', rather it's when I take back complete control of my thoughts & emotions and decide that I am going to move on as a wiser, healthier, & stronger person. Really, what other choice do I have??? To continue to let this person or situation take up space rent-free in my head and thus consume my valuable time & energy? Or do I remove that intrusion to my serenity by letting it go? I cannot control God's will for the situation, so why (at such a great cost to myself) do I commonly fantasize about doing so?  Crazy, ain't it?

A work in progress...
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Now playing: iron & wine - upward over the mountain

The office Holiday party

Yep, we had that shindig tonight. Very impressive setup; it was quite the nice time. But I'm very glad I left as early as I did - I saw enough developments underway that'll keep the rumor mill gleefully buzzing for the foreseeable future. Haha, have I mentioned recently that I'm soooo happy that I don't drink anymore? Could be pretty interesting tomorrow morning... Who needs TV when you have quality drama like this? ;)
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Now playing: run dmc - christmas in hollis

You would think...

...that a set of keys would make some noise if they were to be gobbled up & spit out by a small snowblower.

Not so much.

I was just finishing the big pile left by the plows at the front of the driveway when I look over at the snowbank and notice two broken parts of (what appear to be) my thin foldable earmuffs sticking out. "Ugh", I thought, "I guess they fell out of my pocket, and I must've run over them. How did I not notice that?!?", I chastised myself. As I begin to pat my jacket pocket to confirm they were indeed mine, I simultaneously notice both a lack of my familiar key jingle-jangle, and see part of a 'whoop-whoop' car key fob laying in the snow not far from my earmuff.

"Oh boy." That mild realization was followed by a hissed string of expletives that would make any Herk crewdawg proud as I dived into the snowbank furiously sifting for my keys... any keys... a key... anything! I did find the broken key ring itself, which confirmed my worst fears - all of the keys were separated and scattered. Ugh.

Fortunately, all of the keys could be replaced, so nothing was lost forever. Who knows, I may even find a couple of them when the snow melts (St. Anthony? Are you taking notes up there? Pencil me in for next spring please...) Frustrating? Yes. End of the world? Hecks no. Today's lesson?  Zip up yer pockets! ;)  Life goes on!

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Now playing: green day - basketcase

'Tis the season

Time to get out & shred the gnar! Or whatever the kids are calling it these days...
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Now playing: jojo effect - the beat goes on

Let it snow!

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Now playing: cocteau twins - winter wonderland

Perspectives & passions

One of my female coworkers is a rather upscale dresser. She has a designer sweater that came with several large holes in it, and - although I don't understand it myself - this sweater is apparently quite the deal in terms of what's fashionable these days. When she wears that sweater, she inevitably gets ribbing from we vogue-oblivious urchins (most men, in other words). She generally takes it pretty well, but I'm sure it must annoy her to some extent. 

I've often wondered what would possess her to buy such a sweater in the first place, but I learned recently that I don't have to look very far to find the answer...

I was showing off my bikes to a buddy who's new to riding, and I was telling him the story of how I built up my single-speed 29er over last winter - explaining why I made certain choices of this part over that, this configuration over that, etc. I was discussing Pookie's Brooks B-17 saddle, going on & on about what a great, classic saddle Brooks produces, and how I got the idea to "hack" it from MTBR.com:

"Oh, it's such a fine & comfortable saddle, and it ended up being just perfect for the Niner!", I gushed exitedly.
So, then he looks over my Santa Cruz Blur and innocently asks why I don't have a similarly comfy Brooks on her too.
"Errr...", I stammered, grimacing horrified as I pictured a now suddenly oh-so-clunky-looking Brooks on sleek lil' Boo-Boo!
"Uhhhh... well, that just wouldn't look right at all... errr... it's just not the proper saddle for the Blur", was all I could pathetically muster as I deflated under the full weight of the fact that I was actually a haute couture bike fashionista!
Is this what I've become?!? We shared a good laugh over it all, but it definitely got me thinking...

All three of my bikes have very different & distinct personalities, and I do indeed dress them accordingly. Although most people wouldn't appreciate the effort I put in to do that, I realized that I do it for my own satisfaction - and that's what matters!

The takeaway? Different stokes for different folks ;) Do what makes you happy - live & let live

Happy trails & good dirt! ...errr... Snow! Whatever...
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Now playing: pailhead - don't stand in line

Ellie's baby pics are in!

Check her out in the "My Spoiled-Rotten Kids" link over to the right...
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Now playing: count basie & tony bennett - with plenty of money & you

The pruning of life

At my meeting last night, I was reminded of an analogy I like very much (à la one of my favorite movies, Being There). Just as the gardener prunes the tree in order to foster healthier & more beautiful growth, God prunes our spiritual & human development through the challenges we encounter in our daily lives.

Do I choose today to dwell on & fester over the immediate wounds administered by such trials, or do I instead embrace these as opportunities to grow into a better, stronger, and healthier person?

A work in progress...
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Now playing: mozart - sinfonia concertante for violin

The Office

I've been asked why I never blog about work. After all, it's not for lack of available fodder - it's certainly a target-rich environment of things to discuss, bemoan, praise, and/or vent about! But, alas, it just hasn't seemed worth the effort so far. Although I can't really stay completely removed from the water-cooler gossip, the ever-present rumor mill, and the other ins-&-outs of cube-life drama, there's simply no healthy purpose served by re-hashing any of it in a forum like this. Frankly, none of it is all that interesting in the end, anyway! Maybe someday, but not for now. Meh.
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Now playing: geto boys - damn it feels good to be a gangsta

Q & A - part II

While I do not introduce or otherwise openly advertise myself as a recovering alcoholic to just everyone & anyone, I am always happy to openly discuss my alcoholism & my recovery journey with folks. Heck, if I wasn't, I wouldn't have this blog among other things... But, there are many misconceptions out there related to addiction & recovery, so I'd like to answer some observations & questions posed to me...

"You often refer to yourself as an addict. But I thought you were just an alcoholic?"

It is true that I have never used traditional 'drugs' (illegal or prescription), so how can I be an addict? Alcoholics are addicts too, it's just that our drug-of-choice is alcohol. As an addict, I must be aware that I possess an addictive personality. My alcoholism is my most prevalent addiction, but my addictive nature can very easily manifest itself in any other given area - whether it's sex, drugs, food, gambling, tobacco, etc. This is called 'cross-addiction'. Many addicts are cross-addicted to something other than their primary drug-of-choice. In recovery, addicts must stay wary not to allow transference of one troublesome addiction onto something that may at first appear to be rather benign - "Awww, what's the harm in playing the ponies a little bit?" or "Well, I never had a problem with pot, and doing a little bit here & there helps distract me from the booze obsession". These types of thoughts are very slippery slopes for a recovering addict! We addicts are stuck with this defective addictive nature for the rest of our natural lives -- only by continuing to work an open, honest, & willing program of recovery, can we hope not only to best our primary addictions, but also steer well-clear of cross-addictions.

"Why could you not just control your drinking and drink like a 'normal' person?", or as some people tell me, "I could never be an alcoholic/addict. I have enough willpower, so that could never happen to me."

Haha! This is something I often asked myself even when I was finally willing to admit that I was an alcoholic. Unfortunately, many of us addicts go to our graves sickly wrestling this animal. Yet, on the surface, this seems a reasonable question. However, addiction is (in fact) a mental and physical disease. Here is one excellent commentary from AA's Big Book, and here is another very insightful article addressing the disease of addiction.

The first of AA's 12 Steps says "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable". Indeed! Besides the Big Book, the other text often used in AA is called "12 Steps & 12 Traditions" (12x12); here is a good discussion of Step One from p 22:

"When first challenged to admit defeat, most of us revolted. We had approached AA expecting to be taught self-confidence. Then we had been told that so far as alcohol is concerned, self-confidence was no good whatever; in fact, it was a total liability. Our sponsors declared that we were the victims of a mental obsession so subtly powerful that no amount of human willpower could break it. There was, they said, no such thing as the personal conquest of this compulsion by the unaided will. Relentlessly deepening our dilemma, our sponsors pointed out that our increasing sensitivity to alcohol--an allergy, they called it. The tyrant alcohol wielded a double-edged sword over us: first we were smitten by an insane urge that condemned us to go on drinking, and then by an allergy of the body that insured we would ultimately destroy ourselves in the process. Few indeed were those who, so assailed, had ever won through in singlehanded combat. It was a statistical fact that alcoholics almost never recovered on their own resources. And this had been true, apparently, ever since man had first crushed grapes."

"It's great that you've been sober for a while. Now...
...aren't you 'cured' yet?"
...why do you still go to more than one AA meeting a week?"
...when can you stop going to these AA meetings, doing service work, and all that other AA stuff?"
...why can't you have 'just one' once in a while?"

My sobriety MUST always come first in my life - before everything else! There is no such thing as 'just one drink' for an alcoholic, whether they are still active or in recovery. We just don't get that concept at all - in simple terms, we simply lack any ability to moderate whatsoever. No amount of sober time will ever fix or improve that. Many addicts have been lulled into believing otherwise after having been sober for a while; the results are inevitably the same - returning to their previous condition frighteningly quickly, and then finding themselves mired in previously unimagined & ever-worsening circumstances.

My favorite daily reflection comes from the "24-Hours A Day" book's January 6th entry:

"Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing. Can I ever afford to forget this, even for one minute?"

But, Chris, you put your sobriety before relationships? Before God? Before work? etc... Yes, yes, I do. The 'God' issue isn't a problem; God is a vital part of my recovery program - without rigorous and sincere spirituality, my recovery program will ultimately fail. So, my relationship with God is in complete concert with my recovery. But, yes, my sobriety must come before my job, my family, my friends, and any future relationships I have. None of those things could ever be a success if I am not sober. All of these things can work harmoniously together - that is (after all) the beauty of working and open, honest, & willing recovery program; it teaches you to live life on life's terms. The 12 Steps of AA have very literally saved my life, and they continue to teach me how to live better in sobriety.

That is why I plan to forever actively involve AA in my life by continuously working my own personal 12-Step journey, and participating in meetings & service work. These are the keys to my sobriety, and thus a better life. I simply cannot deny that The Promises of AA have steadily come true for me, and I look forward to more & better things in the future! These things are only possible if I keep my sobriety the #1 priority in my life.

"Is it hard for you to be 'around' alcohol?"

No, for me, it is not. I am comfortable enough in my sobriety that being around other people who are responsibly enjoying alcohol is not at all an issue for me. But that's just me - other folks in recovery have their own comfort levels. And, I must add that although I do not have to 'white-knuckle' my way through circumstances when alcohol is present, I certainly do not make it habit to spend my time that way. My days of hanging out in bars or socializing in such a manner are long gone; that scene simply doesn't hold any appeal for me anymore. I do go to an occasional after-work 'happy hour' with my fellow minions, but that's not a regular routine in my lifestyle these days.

"Surely someday, there'll be a medical pill that'll 'fix' this disease of addiction. Won't that be great?!?"

I certainly don't doubt that this will happen someday - modern medicine never ceases to amaze me! But, I would never take such a pill. I do not yearn to drink like a 'normal' person can. There is no attraction to such a thing for me whatsoever. I have learned a new & better way of living, and I would not welcome the opportunity to 'safely' introduce alcohol back into my life. Today, I am proud to call myself a recovering alcoholic. Strangely enough, being an alcoholic is the best thing that ever happened to me. Without it, I wouldn't enjoy this peace and enthusiasm for life that I truly enjoy today. And I know that the best is all yet to come - I am excited for that! ;)

A work in progress...
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Now playing: beastie boys - body movin

Happy Thanksgiving!

I wish everyone a happy & blessed Thanksgiving!

I certainly have so much to be grateful for over this past year, and I'm fortunate to be able to spend this special holiday with family & friends.

There's a beautiful light snow falling now -- what a perfect day!
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Now playing: a fine frenzy - let it snow

The new kiddo has arrived...

I decided to go with a Honda Element, and I couldn't be happier thus far! She's a boxy lil' hotty -- "Ellie" is a silver EX model with real-time all-wheel drive. I won't post any pics yet because she still just doesn't look quite right without her Yakima roof rack (on the way). Once I put that on, I'll hang some of her pics -- after all, she is my newest spoiled-rotten kid! ;) I'm excited to do some other mods to her too, I think she'll be a great car and prove to be a good investment.

Ellie is one reason of many that I have so to be thankful for this Thanksgiving -- I wish everyone a happy start to Turkey-day '07 week!
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Now playing: coolio - fantastic voyage

Freedom is not free

To all the men & women who have served in our Armed Forces, Happy Veteran's Day!

To those who have not chosen to serve, please take time to personally thank a vet for defending the rights, privileges, and liberties that we all enjoy today as citizens of the United States of America.

And please say a prayer for the eventual return of those still MIA.
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Now playing: dos gringos - i'm a pilot

This week's takeaway...

Expectations are just resentments in the making.

I very much needed to be reminded of this truth over the past week (and was at the right time!); it definitely helped me set my thinking straight. Good thing I was listening! ;)

A work in progress...
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Now playing: johnny cash - a satisfied mind

Reflections

As I approach my 500-day mark, I took some time today to reflect on the last couple of years since I "got out" of my past life. And what a wild ride! In the last two years, I have been at my utterly lowest points, and have since risen to be the absolute happiest & most contented I have ever been. And there has been all sorts of plenty in between along the way!

I am blessed today to have a loving family that has stood by me throughout - and I know there were so many times that had to be unimaginably difficult for them to do. I am blessed with good & steadfast friends - many of whom are like family to me. I am truly blessed to be a recovering alcoholic who has discovered a wonderful new spirituality and new way of living though the miracle of the 12-Step program. I am blessed with a promising new career, and financial security. I am blessed with a comfortable roof over my head and plenty of food on the table. I am blessed to see The Promises of AA revealed to me on a daily basis.

I am blessed. And I am excited to see what the next year has in store!

A work in progress...
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Now playing: sublime - what i got

Soon!

Will it be a Honda Element? A Subie Outback wagon? Something else? We'll find out pretty soon! I'll have more to share in a week...
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Now playing: chumbawumba - tubthumping

What can I fix?

Just me. That doesn't seem like a very satisfying answer on the surface, but I know it's the truth. I may have many ideas of how to make things better for other people and their circumstances (or my own, for that matter!), but I must be honest with myself first about my true capabilities and motivations for doing so. Am I truly qualified to advise anyone else on a given matter? OK, sometimes, the answer may be "yes", but surely not as often as I'd like to think ;)

It's sometimes difficult for me to share my own experience, strength, and hope (ESH) without morphing my delivery into some kind of a "here's what I think you should do" or a "here's where you are going wrong" proffering. Or sometimes I'm in an excited hurry to share my ESH because I've already judged the situation/person without first being a patient & effective listener. It is quite frustrating when I realize that I am lapsing into such behaviors.

The Good Lord knows I still (and always will) have plenty of work to do with regard to my own personal house-cleaning, so I must always bear in mind my own limitations & boundaries. What so often starts simply as innocent enthusiasm can be swiftly overtaken by more grandiose motivations. This definitely defeats any initial well-intentioned purpose, and can (in fact) be damaging in the end.

My Program continues to grow me into a better person, and I must willingly allow that steady progress to take it's natural course, even if I think it's slow at times. I must be present. Present in the proper place of my recovery journey. Present in the here & now. Present for my friends and loved ones. Present in the conversation or task at hand. Not fast-forwarding, not stepped away because I've already made judgment, not worried or distracted with unrelated concerns, not taken in by opportunities for self-grandeur.

Presence. Uncluttered, honest, sincere presence.

A work in progress...
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Now playing: amy winehouse - back to black

Yielding to wintry wx...

I put my yummy down comforter on the bed tonight, so that makes it official for me. It certainly has been a delightful fall so far -- the leaves along the river are bildschön, and I am happy for these brisk evenings/nights (good sleeping!).

I love fall ;)
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Now playing: dean martin - baby, it's cold outside

True, true...

I love that website... always makes me laugh!
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Now playing: sergio mendes - the girl from ipanema

Back to basics

Sheesh, taking chances & becoming vulnerable can be pretty scary. I've grown very comfortable & confident in my sobriety's progress, and new opportunities and life situations have been steadily opening up to me. I must remember to remain patient, humble, and clear-headed as I face them.

Instant gratification has always been, and still is, my inner-alkie's most effective weapon of choice, and it's a true test for me sometimes to properly clarify & interpret my motivations. But, hey, new challenges are good - they keep me on my toes and continue to energize my recovery program. Keeping that dynamic is a good thing.

"Alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful..." And patient. I can't ever afford to forget that, especially when things are going so well! One of my treatment counselors used to remind us that--even in times of strong sobriety--our addiction will forever be nearby just out of sight (doing push-ups, haha!) quietly waiting for that weak moment.

Hmmm, that sounds kinda dark & despairing now that I read it, but it's not at all. It's simply a fact of life for we recovering addicts & alcoholics. As long as I work a good & honest program, keeping my inner-alkie effectively beaten down is actually not very difficult.

Just can't get suddenly creative, cocky, or cavalier. Get back to basics. Bring it on! ;)

A work in progress...
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Now playing: ministry - jesus built my hotrod

Lame efforting

I'm once again slacking with the blog. I have no good reason for said lollygagging; I just haven't felt like proffering any musings. As I last posted, life is good -- quite excellent, in fact. So, it's not that there's anything amiss in that arena. There's most definitely some good stuff coming together for me lately, and I'm excited to see how these things turn out over the next month or so.

I'll post up as appropriate when duly motivated!
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Now playing: red hot chili peppers - knock me down

Life of late

work.
run | bike.
relax | observe | cogitate.
read.
sleep very soundly.

simple | uncomplicated.
life is good | very good.

And, for now, that's just fine by me ;)
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Now playing: the stone roses - waterfall

"Snakes On A Trail"

I forgot how I always seem to have more snake encounters in the fall season. I've seen the same (maybe? who knows) garter snake yesterday and today out sunning himself (herself?) in the same place on the woodsy stretch of my usual running route. It's a pretty good size garter; it kinda freaked me out yesterday, but I was looking ahead better today, so I wasn't surprised this time...

That is until I rounded the next bend and saw not very far ahead what I assumed was just some downed branches laying across the path. Yeah, well, not so much. One of the "branches" turned out to be a big brown python or boa (!) also out enjoying the warm asphalt and late afternoon sun.

And it was at that "WTF?!? Is that a.... uhhh... errrr... Sweet fancy Moses! Yes, it IS!!!" synapse-connection when I did my panicked & terribly uncoordinated stutter-stop while simultaneously shrieking quite loudly. Fortunately, no one else (as far as I know!) was within earshot of my embarrassingly frightened yelp. The snake just lazily looked up at me, then seemed to "Harrumph!" as much as a snake can possibly express such a thing, and finally resignedly slithered off into the brush at the side of the path.

It must have been a pet someone dumped. That's rather sad, it looked like a perfectly nice snake once I realized it wasn't actually going to attempt to wrestle me down and eat me. The Good Lord knows that I'm certainly no fan of snakes, but I felt badly that I disturbed this guy's time peacefully soaking up the last of the day's warm sun.

Fortunately, no more snake encounters during the run. That's not exactly the kind of workout I'm trying to give my heart!
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Now playing: lou reed - walk on the wild side

On a lighter note...

It's on like Donkey Kong!

24 - Season Two
Now playing at select times in my living room

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Now playing: blur - song #2

Training in progress: Step back & think

What's been gnawing at me lately is my idling over certain other peoples' perceptions of me. I'm still rather baffled as to why I'm particularly sensitive to this lately... However, the 12x12 discussion of Step 10 gives me a lot of comfort. NOTE: That Step 10 link isn't to the actual 12x12 text - it's just given to provide some background on Step 10...

"It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us." (12x12, p90)

It is always good to be reminded of this wise truth. This can be a very difficult pill to swallow at times, but true healing and forward growth cannot happen if I do not first take honest accountability & ownership of my role in things.

"Few people have been more victimized by resentments than have we alcoholics. It mattered little whether our resentments were justified or not … Anger, that occasional luxury of more balanced people, could keep us on an emotional jag indefinitely." (12x12, p90)

Haha, I love that line: "…Anger, that occasional luxury of more balanced people…" So true! It's very easy for me to forget this, and the all-too-predictable bum results unfailingly reinforce this truth. Progress, not perfection ;)

"Our first objective will be the development of self-restraint. This carries a top priority rating … We must avoid quick-tempered criticism and furious power-driven argument. The same goes for sulking or silent scorn. These are emotional booby-traps baited with pride and vengefulness. Our first job is to sidestep the traps. When we are tempted by the bait, we should train ourselves to step back and think" (12x12, p91)

This definitely speaks to the heart of my recent discontentment. I've seen The Promises steadily fulfilled in my life, and I suppose that's why the sting of others' continued resentments towards me are all the more biting now than when I was in my early sobriety. "What more can they possibly expect from me?!?" is typical of the garbage in my head recently. I know that I have truly changed - why do I find myself now suddenly so perturbed with what other people say about me? There are some people who will never accept the possibility that I've changed, and I must not allow myself be concerned by them. They are ill-intentioned & poisonous - engaging them invariably brings out the worst of my own character defects. And they then (of course) relish that I took the bait, and flaunt any hasty & rash reactions of mine.

Indeed, this is an issue for me only so long as I allow it to be. Self-restraint is still absolutely a character defect of mine that needs attention & work. I must stay removed from these people who wish to do me harm and see me fail. No good can come from interacting with them in any manner; I need to sidestep these traps. There is simply nothing left there for me to "fix". Trying to actively convince someone (through dialogue) that I've "changed" is absolutely the most ineffective way of trying to accomplish such a thing. For those affected by my alcoholism, the best possible thing I can do to demonstrate the sincerity of my change is living my life soberly, spiritually, and in accordance with the 12 Steps to the best of my ability.

I am not perfect and I do stumble. But, nothing so bad that I've ever considered drinking over it. I do at times struggle (sometimes slightly, and sometimes mightily) to maintain my serenity, composure, and steady progress; however, I am grateful to have God, my family, the fellowship of AA & the 12 Steps to assist me. I must simply remain willing.

"An honest regret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings received, and a willingness to try for better things tomorrow will be the permanent assets we seek" (12x12, p95)

A work in progress…
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Now playing: PIL - rise

Evil temptress

The new REI fall catalog came in the mail today...
Must hide credit cards!
Macht schnell!!!
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Now playing: wilco - outtasite (outta mind)

Morning musings

I went to Caribou this morning to do some casual reading and get my periodic "go hang out at a coffee house" fix. All well & good...

When I left, I biked by a open convertible with a seat cover that said "I see dumb people" (a sarcastic twist on that line from The Sixth Sense, I presume). My first inclination was to agree - how sad is that?!? I've never considered myself a very sarcastic or cynical person, but I know full well I'm certainly capable of being those things. And that's definitely thin ice for me to be on.

Fortunately, the next thing that popped in my head was something that a good AA friend said at a meeting a couple of weeks ago: See the innocence. It's a simple statement, but it's given me a lot to chew on since I heard it. I'm trying to be more mindful of how quickly I make assumptions, jump to conclusions, and form opinions. Do I give people & circumstances the benefit of doubt, or am I all too often quick to judge?

So, I've been thinking about the connection between sarcasm & other such diverting "big talk" and how it's so often connected directly to our own insecurities, sense of vulnerability, or just personal unrest. I can definitely see that connection in my own life, particularly when I was in my active alcoholism. To "see the innocence" requires true self-confidence and courage. These are things important to me; today, I choose to see the innocence.

A work in progress...
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Now playing: wilco - what light

No fair?

What a beautiful weekend it's been! A bit warm today, but it's been great to be outside (no rain), and get some great runs & rides under my belt.

Alas, I never did get to "The Fair", but there's always next year. I just didn't feel a draw to go this year. I'm not craving any stick food, and nothing else was compelling enough for me to make the effort. No regrets, though - I'll just live the experience vicariously through others!

Happy Labor Day to all!
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Now playing: willie nelson - bring me sunshine

My name is Chris and...

I'm a 24 addict.

I'm not much of a TV watcher, but I started watching "24" this past season. I didn't catch all the episodes, but I definitely got hooked. I've done a few 12th-Step work outings lately together with the same fellow AA buddy, and it turns out that he's a "24" nut. He has the first few seasons on DVD, and he's lending them to me (I let him borrow my Band of Brothers in return). I'm only about halfway through Season One so far, and I'm lovin' it! And, yeah, yeah, I know - everyone keeps telling me it gets even better after Season One...

So that's my super exciting plan for tonight - cook up a tasty pasta dish, and curl up for a few discs -- errr, I mean episodes, of course! -- of "24". Heck, I went for a nice long run this afternoon, so I don't feel too guilty about being "loungey" tonight.

Wishing you all a great start to the weekend!

EDIT: And for the Chuck Norris fans, here's a new flight suit patch offering (this'll make more sense after reading the post comments)...

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Now playing: golden smog - another fine day

Lookin' around

I had a very enjoyable ride last night. I went to Salem Hills after my evening meeting, and it was a nice way to close out the day. Peaceful, quiet, and pleasantly uneventful.

The trail is in good shape, although there are some trees down here-and-there from the most recent storm. No biggie. On one rather twisty section, there was a larger tree down, and I had to get off the bike and climb through & around the carnage. I needed a break anyway, so I sat and rested a bit. It really was a very beautiful night.

It occurred to me, as I sat there drinking my water and sucking down an energy gel, that I kept primarily looking up at the trail ahead and to the sides of where I was. I hadn't looked back to where I had just come from. So I did. It immediately struck me as being somehow darker than everywhere else - in reality, this was just a coincidence of the trail itself - the previous section was a downhill switchback to where I currently was. I thought to myself, "Man, that would be quite a gnarly challenge to reverse & go back that way."

And that got me thinking - nothing like waxing philosophical out in the pitch-black woods, right? ;) ...The past being darker & difficult, the path ahead being "brighter" and easier to navigate - things along those lines. Then it occurred to me that I was starting to sound like Bob the junkie (Matt Dillon), in that scene from Drugstore Cowboy, describing his aversion to mirrors: "You never look at the backside of a mirror because when you do, it'll affect your future because you're looking at yourself backwards. ...No... You're looking at your inner self and you don't recognize it because you've never seen it before." Haha, yeah, maybe something like that, I guess! Sheesh, ya gotta marvel at the way we addicts' & alkies' minds work sometimes!

So, I laughed at myself, climbed back on my bike, and contentedly finished the lap with a grin on my face.

Happy trails & good dirt!
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Now playing: minor threat - look back and laugh

Resentments

Resentments are one cunning animal! As a recovering alcoholic, I must be extremely wary of resentments - harboring them is all too often the first step down that infamous "slippery slope".

Managing my own resentments can be difficult enough, but dealing with others' ongoing resentments towards me (and my past behaviors) is uniquely challenging. Often, these are manifested when I'm not expecting it or otherwise prepared, but I must always tread carefully in response.

When I was in my active addiction, I did hurtful & selfish things to other people - including people I loved and cared for deeply. Many things I'm greatly ashamed of, to say the least. While I'm not going to post my own entire 4th Step Inventory here on my blog for all to see (that wouldn't be proper), I am fully prepared to disclose & discuss those things with the appropriate people at the appropriate time. This is a necessary consequence (if you will) of my past, and an important part of my ongoing recovery is to not close the door on any of that, and to live today honestly, openly, and unselfishly.

I must never forget that I can't control others' actions - all I can do is carefully temper my own reactions, and humbly tend to my own life & recovery. Thank goodness for The Serenity Prayer!

A work in progress...
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Now playing: U2 - grace

Ugh.

One example of why I would never be able to deal with models. And why America desperately needs more good teachers!
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Now playing: nada surf - popular

"I'm... so... scared..."

I have done a few night rides now with my new bike light, and it's been a blast! It's really bright; a huge improvement over the weak-sauce light I bought many years ago. I only rode in the woods once with that older light, and that experience kept me off the trails at night until recently.

When I first bought that old light, I excitedly decided to try it out that very night. This was when I lived in Arkansas, and although I had several hard-core riding buddies, none of them had lights at the time. So, I headed off solo to the Camp Robinson trails (just north of Little Rock). I had planned to just ride on one or two of the easier, shorter loops to see how this whole night riding thing worked. Well, my new-found zeal soon emboldened me to continue into some of the deeper, more intermediate trails and all was going just fine. It was a moonless night, and the deeper trails at Camp Robinson really are out in the middle of nowhere, so it was a very peaceful and pleasantly surreal first-time night ride experience - right up until I suddenly flatted a tire...

Like my new light, I had this older light mounted on my helmet. I laid the bike down and proceeded to unpack my bag and ready the wheel for a tube swap. That's when I really noticed just how incredibly quiet that deeper section of the trails was. At first! Then the noises just seemed to steadily increase. Leaves rustling, sticks crunching, branches rubbing and snapping, etc. From all directions. I would hear something (close by?!?), and then swing my head up to look, and (of course) see nothing. Now, I must point out that this was about the time The Blair Witch Project was out, and I had seen it recently. And me nervously swinging that darn helmet light beam all around was reminding me of that movie more & more with each passing second. And the noises seemed to get closer each passing second. Somehow, despite my increasingly shaky hands, I managed to get the new tube on, and I raced back to my car faster than I have ever done before or since. I was so thoroughly freaked out by that experience that I have not biked any woods at night until now, so many years later...

So, it's been good to have some very positive night ride experiences lately. I still ride solo, which is kinda scary, but that's OK - it builds character, right? ;) I just ride at an nice-n-easy pace and don't do anything crazy. And riding Pookie (rigid singlespeed) helps keep my riding not too aggressive, so that's worked out well for starting out. That new light is very comforting in how bright it is. Much more confidence inspiring. However, no flats or mechanical issues on these last few rides, so I'm still not sure how I'll handle that whole scenario again... And let's hope that I don't have to find out anytime too soon!

Happy trails & good dirt!
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Now playing: cake - the distance

Q & A

I've been meaning to do something like this for a while now, and recently found a great list of questions on a fellow blogger's site (thanks J Willow & J Willow's mom!). I added a few other questions to the list she had. It's a hoss, so you may want to go to the bathroom first and grab a cuppa coffee before starting... Enjoy!

1.) Weddings or Tea Parties?
Tea parties, I guess. Neither is really my forte…

2.) Favorite Food?
Fave "fancy" food is fresh & well-prepared sushi. Fave "comfort" food is DiGiorno pizza.

3.) Favorite color for plates?
Haven't ever given it much thought. Jade maybe? Dunno…

4.) Favorite color for bedroom walls?
Slate or dark blue. Maybe a green. Or the right shade of grey. Heck, I'm open; it all depends on the lighting. Mine are white now, haha!

5.) Dining Style?
Informal, although I do try to remember to use utensils when in the presence of others

6.) Gas or electric stove?
Definitely prefer gas. Currently have electric though.

7.) What do I like to BBQ best?
No such skills myself, but well-prepared smoked pulled-pork is mighty tasty. And I don't usually "dig on swine" (as Jules would say).

8.) Meal I would make to impress a friend?
My lasagna went over pretty well recently. I'll stick with that one until I feel adventurous again.

9.) Favorite dessert?
Cheesecake. Yummy.

10.) Style refrigerator you prefer?
I like the ones with a water & ice thingee on the outside of the door. I'd like one of those someday…

11.) Gardening or cooking?
Cooking, I suppose. The lesser of two evils ;)

12.) What style car could someone say you are?
No idea. Hopefully, something dependable.

13.) What kind of animal would a friend say you are like?
Maybe a dog? Yeah, y'all have fun with that one!

14.) Favorite piece of jewelry?
My Swiss Army watch that my parents gave me as a college graduation present

15.) Favorite movie of all time?
Being There

16.) Favorite musical instrument?
Piano or saxophone, I like the sound of both. I don't play, of course. I myself am a black hole of musical talent.

17.) Favorite voice?
Carl Kasell from NPR. Garrison Keillor has a great voice too. Blossom Dearie, Sarah Vaughan, and Diana Krall for music.

18.) What words would you just love to hear to describe you?
Responsible. Kind. Patient. Knowledgeable. Considerate.

19.) Who would you just love to impress?
At the end of the day, just myself. When I'm concerned about impressing others, then something isn't right with my motivations or what I'm doing. If I do it "right" for myself, then the right people will be impressed as a matter of course.

20.) How would you want to do that in 10 words or less?
Maintain perspective & focus; do the next right thing

21.) If you had one thing to do over and could make it end differently what?
Nothing. I blogged about this a while back…

22.) If there was one age you loved being what was it?
I like where I'm at right now. Every day's a new adventure.

23.) How do you picture being 65 in 10 words or less?
Hard to catch ;)

24.) What country would you really like to spend 2 weeks in?
New Zealand. Haven't been there yet, but have heard many good things…

25.) What would you like to invent?
Ugh. I know I have something for this, but I can never remember these things when put on the spot…

26.) Favorite magazine?
National Geographic. Then Smithsonian and Outside.

27.) Cowboy on a horse or in a truck?
Errr, I don't dig on cowboys. "Not that there's anything wrong with that!", as Seinfeld would say…

28.) Are you afraid of thunder and lightening?
Not by themselves, but some of the other things they may be associated with can be scary.

29.) Favorite temperature?
Mid 60s

30.) Favorite vacation spot you have been already?
The North Shore in Minnesota

31.) Cheap vacation you liked?
Camping & canoeing on the Buffalo River in Arkansas

32.) Friend you want to do a road trip with?
C

33.) How would you change your looks for a new look?
I wouldn't; I'm quite happy with what I have =)

34.) Hair colors you have tried and liked?
None. I shaved my head once though.

35.) Contests you have won?
I just recently won a Picture Coloring contest at my apartment complex's "Resident Appreciation Week" shindig. Ha, those kids never had a chance! I keed, I keed… I won for the adult category, but I think I may have been the only entry. But, hey, it's a $15 gift certificate to Barnes & Noble – not too shabby!

36.) Home improvement projects you have done well?
I can hang pictures pretty well…

37.) Favorite antique?
My grandparents' dining room set; it's nothing fancy, but I'm lucky to have it

38.) Favorite children's book?
"Where The Sidewalk Ends" by Shel Silverstein

39.) If you wrote a book what would the subject be?
My life, and it would be one heckuva book.

40.) Who would you enjoy meeting again from your high school?
Bob

41.) What question do you need an answer to today?
That maddening "What would you like to invent?" question from earlier!!!

42.) If you could build something what would it be?
Another tree fort

43.) What is your most prized possession?
My bikes. Don't ask me to pick one, they're all listening right now…

44.) How many books have you read this year?
Too many to count. I love to read.

45.) Novels or nonfiction?
Both, but mostly novels

46.) Favorite author?
Augusten Burroughs, if I must right now name just one. There's something on every page of Magical Thinking that makes me laugh out loud.

47.) What art forms do you enjoy the most visually?
Mobiles. I love Calder's work.

48.) What nature walks do you remember?
Crosby Park in St Paul when I was little. Gooseberry Falls & the shorelines of Lake Superior.

49.) What museum would I most likely find you visiting?
Walker Art Center

50.) How many hours of sleep do you need?
Need? 3-4 Want? 7-8

51.) Are you a cuddler or a "don't touch me"?
Definitely depends who's asking! I think a cuddler though…

52.) Do you like to fly or ride trains?
Both. Trains can be a lot of fun. I guess it depends on how much of a hurry I'm in.

53.) What color do you like to wear to bed?
Whatever boxers I have on work just fine. I don't typically change for sleepy time, I just wear less.

54.) If you designed a hat what style would it be?
Something functional, I guess? I'm not really much of a hat person…

55.) Favorite number?
Pi. I was a math major, I'm allowed to be geeky once in a while.

56.) Do you know your bank balance?
Hecks yes

57.) Do you rectify your checkbook every month?
Weekly

58.) Prefer to bank online or use mail?
Online

59.) Favorite actress?
Uma Thurman

60.) Favorite actor?
Peter Sellers

61.) Do you respect one or both of your parents?
Both, absolutely.

62.) Can you speak to a crowd?
You betcha

63.) What would you like to tell the world?
Be generous with your time, resources, and love. Be willing to forgive yourself and others.

64.) Would you rather climb a mountain or go snorkeling?
Snorkel. It sounds less taxing right now.

65.) Sport you simply love?
Mountain biking

66.) Something you achieved that you are proud of?
Sobriety

67.) Favorite scripture passage?
Romans 13.8-14

68.) Favorite book of the Bible?
I can't honestly say I have one. Maybe Psalms?

69.) Marriage good or singledom good?
Singledom is perfectly fine & good for now; I look forward to marriage being very good if/when that time comes

70.) Best marriage you have seen?
My parents

71.) Have you been to a counselor?
Yes

72.) Do you think medications hold the answer to mental balance?
In some cases, absolutely; however, I do believe we are an alarmingly over-medicated society. Sadly, far too many people expect pills to "fix" problems that they lack the courage to ably deal with themselves.

73.) Do you fear doctors or dentists more?
Neither causes me fear

74.) If you could have perfect teeth in 5 years with braces or dental work would you do it?
No. I like my slightly bucked teeth just fine, thank you very much.

75.) What country would you live in besides the USA?
Canada, I guess. Maybe the UK.

76.) What field of work would you think you could succeed in besides what you now do?
Still exploring some of those options now. I think counseling at some point in the future; we'll see where that goes…

77.) Bounty hunter or Zoo-keeper?
Zoo-keeper. I'm not good with one-on-one, potentially violent confrontation. Well, with humans, I mean…

78.) Road construction or Librarian?
Librarian; I think that'd be pretty cool

79.) Chef or Museum Curate?
Museum Curate. Cheffin' definitely ain't my calling…

80.) Photographer or Postal worker?
Postal worker. No skills with a camera.

81.) Model or CPA?
CPA definitely. I'd shoot myself in short order if I had to put up with 1% of the hooey you see on "America's Next Top Model". Ugh. Numbers aren't needy or whiny. I can deal with numbers, even if they aren't terribly exciting.

82.) Actor or Fireman?
Fireman

83.) What are you hungry for right now?
Ice cream. I've been craving sweets lately.

84.) What are you wearing today?
T-shirt, cargo shorts, and Keen sandals - my standard summer outfit.

85.) Christmas or July 4th?
Christmas; I adore the Holiday season

86.) Do you have a tattoo?
Yes

87.) Do you want a (another) tattoo?
Someday yes, I think just one more. I have some ideas, we'll see…

88.) Do babies make you feel soft and warm or like running away?
I definitely like babies, but have no long-term experience with them. I guess the best way to put it is that they generate a nervous excitement for me.

89.) Do 5 year olds make you laugh?
Most of the time, yes. If they don't, then I boo & heckle.

90.) Are teens fun or challenging?
Both I'm sure, but I haven't had a lot of work with them directly.

91.) What facial expressions do you make when you think of kids?
Usually a smile ;)

92.) Are older folks interesting to you?
Yes, definitely. Experience is life's best teacher.

93.) Do nursing homes make you uncomfortable?
Most do. Some don't. It depends on the overall atmosphere; I know as soon as I walk in the door.

94.) Do you like to ham it up for the camera?
I'm often rather awkward when there's a camera out

95.) What city in the USA would you like to live in for one year?
Seattle or Portland maybe? Haven't though about it much. The Pacific Northwest is attractive, though.

96.) If money were no object would you stay where you are or move?
Move, but not too far. I'm pretty happy with the local area for now…

97.) Do you mind taking care of sick people on occasion?
No, if there is a need and I am able to help, I don't mind

98.) Can you handle a medical emergency?
Yes, for the most part. Although I'd have a really hard time sawing off my own arm like that one hiker had to do a while back, so I definitely have my limits.

99.) Are you cool under pressure or fall apart?
Cool. Plenty of experience there…

100.) Have you survived a disaster?
Yes, but everyone's concept of "disaster" is different

101.) If life full of joy or full of pain?
There are always some of both, but neither should be absolute or all consuming. Both are necessary for proper balance & perspective.

102.) Glass half full or half empty?
Half full

103.) Are you cool or hot?
Cool

104.) Do you want to be a hero?
I just want to do the next right thing with whatever's in front of me

105.) What is your favorite dog breed?
German Shepard. Labs are nice too. Larger breeds, that's for certain.

106.) Cat or dog?
Dog, definitely. Cats are only good for mousing.

107.) Diamonds or rubies?
Diamonds, I guess. Not really into that kind of bling, though.

108.) Hot dogs or corn dogs?
Corn dogs

109.) Chinese food or Italian?
Italian. Thai over Chinese for asian food.

110.) Cinderella or Tinkerbell?
Tink

111.) Where were you when 9/11 happened?
St John's, Newfoundland, Canada. Some of that story is in my "Past-Life Adventures" picture gallery. It was crazy, to say the least.

112.) Favorite body part?
Hands, they are pretty cool indeed

113.) Are you superstitious?
No

114.) Are you suspicious?
No, but I try to maintain a healthy skepticism when appropriate

115.) Do you notice details?
Yes, sometimes. How's that for an answer? ;)

116.) Favorite TV detective?
Chief Wiggum

117.) Favorite cartoon character?
Calvin

118.) Do you want a pool or a tennis court?
Neither; if I had that kind of spare space in my backyard, I'd put in a mountain bike pump track.

119.) Would you feed starving kids or help the humane society if you could?
Help feed the starving kids. Then teach them to be responsible pet owners.

120.) Do you fake bake, tan in the sun or avoid sun?
Avoid. Sheesh, I'm Irish and Norwegian - my only two color options are pale white and sunburned.

121.) Favorite part of the newspaper?
Editorials

122.) What book are you reading now?
The Divine Comedy - Vol II: Purgatory

123.) What's on your mouse pad?
No mouse - I like my trackball

124.) Favorite board game?
Trivial Pursuit? I haven't played a board game in a while…

125.) Favorite smells?
Outdoors, deep in the woods - that earthy, woodsy smell (especially after a rain!). And my bed after washing the sheets.

126.) Least favorite smells?
Paper-processing plants. Sulfur.

127.) Favorite sounds?
My bike shoe cleats clicking into my pedals, or that whoosh of powder spray on that first carve of a snowboard run. And the "Four Fans of Freedom"; I'll always love that sound :)

128.) Worst feeling in the world?
Failure of self

129.) What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
"What on earth was THAT dream all about?!?" I have some wild & crazy dreams, but I can't ever remember them once I'm fully awake.

130. Favorite color?
Earth tones & pastels. Yeah, that wasn't very helpful, I know…

131.) How many rings before you answer the phone?
Depends what Caller ID says!

132.) Future child's name?
Haven't given it any thought, but I don't have any "musts" here

133.) Chocolate or vanilla?
Vanilla

134.) Do you like to drive fast?
No. I'm getting old I guess. I can't say that I particularly "like" to drive at all.

135.) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
No

136.) What type was your first car?
'95 4-door Saturn SL2 sedan

137.) Meet one person dead or alive?
Bill W. (founder of AA)

138.) Favorite alcoholic drink?
None for me, thanks. I'm allergic.

139.) What is your zodiac sign?
Pisces. I only know that because Blogger automatically puts it in your blog profile. I'm not an astrology person; I leave that to the pros like Miss Cleo...

140.) Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
Yes. And the entire asparagus stalk, and peanuts & sunflower seeds whole (shell & all). Weird, eh?

141.) Do you type with your fingers on the correct keys?
No, I wish! I occasionally practice; I do actually have a typing program on my computer. I can hunt-and-peck like a champ, though…

142.) What's under your bed?
Storage bins containing extra bed linens and older clothes. Leave no room for monsters or any other ill-intentioned entities.
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Now playing: iggy pop - lust for life