Q & A - part II

While I do not introduce or otherwise openly advertise myself as a recovering alcoholic to just everyone & anyone, I am always happy to openly discuss my alcoholism & my recovery journey with folks. Heck, if I wasn't, I wouldn't have this blog among other things... But, there are many misconceptions out there related to addiction & recovery, so I'd like to answer some observations & questions posed to me...

"You often refer to yourself as an addict. But I thought you were just an alcoholic?"

It is true that I have never used traditional 'drugs' (illegal or prescription), so how can I be an addict? Alcoholics are addicts too, it's just that our drug-of-choice is alcohol. As an addict, I must be aware that I possess an addictive personality. My alcoholism is my most prevalent addiction, but my addictive nature can very easily manifest itself in any other given area - whether it's sex, drugs, food, gambling, tobacco, etc. This is called 'cross-addiction'. Many addicts are cross-addicted to something other than their primary drug-of-choice. In recovery, addicts must stay wary not to allow transference of one troublesome addiction onto something that may at first appear to be rather benign - "Awww, what's the harm in playing the ponies a little bit?" or "Well, I never had a problem with pot, and doing a little bit here & there helps distract me from the booze obsession". These types of thoughts are very slippery slopes for a recovering addict! We addicts are stuck with this defective addictive nature for the rest of our natural lives -- only by continuing to work an open, honest, & willing program of recovery, can we hope not only to best our primary addictions, but also steer well-clear of cross-addictions.

"Why could you not just control your drinking and drink like a 'normal' person?", or as some people tell me, "I could never be an alcoholic/addict. I have enough willpower, so that could never happen to me."

Haha! This is something I often asked myself even when I was finally willing to admit that I was an alcoholic. Unfortunately, many of us addicts go to our graves sickly wrestling this animal. Yet, on the surface, this seems a reasonable question. However, addiction is (in fact) a mental and physical disease. Here is one excellent commentary from AA's Big Book, and here is another very insightful article addressing the disease of addiction.

The first of AA's 12 Steps says "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable". Indeed! Besides the Big Book, the other text often used in AA is called "12 Steps & 12 Traditions" (12x12); here is a good discussion of Step One from p 22:

"When first challenged to admit defeat, most of us revolted. We had approached AA expecting to be taught self-confidence. Then we had been told that so far as alcohol is concerned, self-confidence was no good whatever; in fact, it was a total liability. Our sponsors declared that we were the victims of a mental obsession so subtly powerful that no amount of human willpower could break it. There was, they said, no such thing as the personal conquest of this compulsion by the unaided will. Relentlessly deepening our dilemma, our sponsors pointed out that our increasing sensitivity to alcohol--an allergy, they called it. The tyrant alcohol wielded a double-edged sword over us: first we were smitten by an insane urge that condemned us to go on drinking, and then by an allergy of the body that insured we would ultimately destroy ourselves in the process. Few indeed were those who, so assailed, had ever won through in singlehanded combat. It was a statistical fact that alcoholics almost never recovered on their own resources. And this had been true, apparently, ever since man had first crushed grapes."

"It's great that you've been sober for a while. Now...
...aren't you 'cured' yet?"
...why do you still go to more than one AA meeting a week?"
...when can you stop going to these AA meetings, doing service work, and all that other AA stuff?"
...why can't you have 'just one' once in a while?"

My sobriety MUST always come first in my life - before everything else! There is no such thing as 'just one drink' for an alcoholic, whether they are still active or in recovery. We just don't get that concept at all - in simple terms, we simply lack any ability to moderate whatsoever. No amount of sober time will ever fix or improve that. Many addicts have been lulled into believing otherwise after having been sober for a while; the results are inevitably the same - returning to their previous condition frighteningly quickly, and then finding themselves mired in previously unimagined & ever-worsening circumstances.

My favorite daily reflection comes from the "24-Hours A Day" book's January 6th entry:

"Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing. Can I ever afford to forget this, even for one minute?"

But, Chris, you put your sobriety before relationships? Before God? Before work? etc... Yes, yes, I do. The 'God' issue isn't a problem; God is a vital part of my recovery program - without rigorous and sincere spirituality, my recovery program will ultimately fail. So, my relationship with God is in complete concert with my recovery. But, yes, my sobriety must come before my job, my family, my friends, and any future relationships I have. None of those things could ever be a success if I am not sober. All of these things can work harmoniously together - that is (after all) the beauty of working and open, honest, & willing recovery program; it teaches you to live life on life's terms. The 12 Steps of AA have very literally saved my life, and they continue to teach me how to live better in sobriety.

That is why I plan to forever actively involve AA in my life by continuously working my own personal 12-Step journey, and participating in meetings & service work. These are the keys to my sobriety, and thus a better life. I simply cannot deny that The Promises of AA have steadily come true for me, and I look forward to more & better things in the future! These things are only possible if I keep my sobriety the #1 priority in my life.

"Is it hard for you to be 'around' alcohol?"

No, for me, it is not. I am comfortable enough in my sobriety that being around other people who are responsibly enjoying alcohol is not at all an issue for me. But that's just me - other folks in recovery have their own comfort levels. And, I must add that although I do not have to 'white-knuckle' my way through circumstances when alcohol is present, I certainly do not make it habit to spend my time that way. My days of hanging out in bars or socializing in such a manner are long gone; that scene simply doesn't hold any appeal for me anymore. I do go to an occasional after-work 'happy hour' with my fellow minions, but that's not a regular routine in my lifestyle these days.

"Surely someday, there'll be a medical pill that'll 'fix' this disease of addiction. Won't that be great?!?"

I certainly don't doubt that this will happen someday - modern medicine never ceases to amaze me! But, I would never take such a pill. I do not yearn to drink like a 'normal' person can. There is no attraction to such a thing for me whatsoever. I have learned a new & better way of living, and I would not welcome the opportunity to 'safely' introduce alcohol back into my life. Today, I am proud to call myself a recovering alcoholic. Strangely enough, being an alcoholic is the best thing that ever happened to me. Without it, I wouldn't enjoy this peace and enthusiasm for life that I truly enjoy today. And I know that the best is all yet to come - I am excited for that! ;)

A work in progress...
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