Resentments
Resentments are one cunning animal! As a recovering alcoholic, I must be extremely wary of resentments - harboring them is all too often the first step down that infamous "slippery slope".
Managing my own resentments can be difficult enough, but dealing with others' ongoing resentments towards me (and my past behaviors) is uniquely challenging. Often, these are manifested when I'm not expecting it or otherwise prepared, but I must always tread carefully in response.
When I was in my active addiction, I did hurtful & selfish things to other people - including people I loved and cared for deeply. Many things I'm greatly ashamed of, to say the least. While I'm not going to post my own entire 4th Step Inventory here on my blog for all to see (that wouldn't be proper), I am fully prepared to disclose & discuss those things with the appropriate people at the appropriate time. This is a necessary consequence (if you will) of my past, and an important part of my ongoing recovery is to not close the door on any of that, and to live today honestly, openly, and unselfishly.
I must never forget that I can't control others' actions - all I can do is carefully temper my own reactions, and humbly tend to my own life & recovery. Thank goodness for The Serenity Prayer!
A work in progress...
----------------
Now playing: U2 - grace
4 of y'all tellin' it like it is:
It is how you have treated me since you have gotten sober.
I'm certainly not perfect, and I do sincerely wish some things weren't so broken still.
But, this is exactly why distance is most appropriate. I seem to be the only one who continues to always be at fault. I know that's not true, and so when that's all that ever gets thrown in my face, the best thing for me to do is to let it go and walk away from it. It's clear that nothing I say or do will help you, and continuing this cycle only compromises my own recovery efforts in the end.
I've said it before, but I'll say it again - I am truly sorry for the pain and hurt I've caused you in the past. I'm sorry for betraying, abusing, and manipulating your love and trust when I was in my active alcoholism. All those things were selfish, and I would never pretend to blame them all on the booze. I am still (and always will be) capable of all those things with or without booze; I can only be a better and stronger person by always working a strong recovery program and fostering my spirituality. When there are threats to my sobriety, I must remove or avoid them. Some things simply cannot be repaired by me alone, and I will not be guilted into accepting complete culpability for the state of those things.
I just now noticed your second comment - I'm not asking you do anything. That's not my place. I do my best to be willingly accountable for all of those things I did that you are resentful about. That's all I can ever do.
Dear readers,
I apologize for the apparent confusion here (disappearing comments), but many of you can probably fill in the blanks...
I won't ever again make the mistake of being baited back into this inevitably fruitless & circular effort.
A work in progess... No doubt about that!
I wish you all a peaceful night & a pleasant morn...
Post a Comment
Write on!