Workin' it...

Such pesky things, these "character defects" I have are! In my 12x12 meeting last week, we discussed Step 6 - "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character". Readiness & willingness are the keys to this Step. Now fast-forward to tonight's meeting on Step 7 - "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings". Humility is the watchword of this Step.

But can I really expect my Higher Power to actually remove ALL of my shortcomings? Like many AAs, I have been blessed that God has removed entirely my obsession to drink - I do consider that to be a true miracle. But I can't reasonably expect God to remove my other character defects in this same flash-bang miraculous manner. My willingness from Step 6, combined with my humility from Step 7 prepares me to address my character defects. This work is up to me. I cannot simply "pray away" these shortcomings, nor is just "turning them over to God" going to cut it. God can & will assist me to the extent that I am ready to work humbly on this ongoing task - after all, I am only human, and thus will always have some character defects (progress, not perfection!). But I must remain honestly aware of them and tenacious in my efforts to remove them; God can provide me the strength to do that. In the 12x12 (p76), we are reminded that "The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear--primarily fear that we would lose something we possessed or would fail to get something we demanded." Ain't that the truth! For me, it certainly does ALL go back to self-centered fear. Fear of change, fear of failure, fear of inadequacy, the list goes on & on...

One tool I've found helpful when I am in such a position of weakness (invariably by my own placing!) is to focus on an attitude of gratitude. That is, to reflect on the things I am grateful for. This never fails to be instantly humbling for me, and always "resets" my outlook to a much healthier one. From this position of humbled strength, I can take positive action.

Over time, my honest work at this process turns from concerted effort to genuine change. And thus, some of my character defects will be entirely removed. I've certainly seen indisputable progress of this in my life, and that is something I am grateful for - it gives me strength needed to continue on this journey!

A work in progress...
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Now playing: iron & wine - freedom hangs like heaven