Control vs Influence

I was discussing with a friend today the differences between "leadership" and "management". To me, leadership is the art of influencing people, and management is the science of controlling events. The skills of an effective manager can be wholly taught and learned, while truly effective leadership cannot (in its entirety) - it is an art some people are particularly gifted with. That's not to say that the study of leadership is wasted effort. On the contrary, this study is vitally important - even for the most naturally adept leaders.

Study is important because it can be easy to confuse when to be a leader and when to be a manager - that is, to jumble the proper application control and influence. Some people are excellent managers, but fall short as leaders - their impressive managerial skills cannot ever make up for their lack of ability to effectively influence people as a leader. Despite their most determined efforts, this gap simply cannot be bridged. And the opposite case is common as well. In both instances, they are either naively unaware of their shortcomings in the one area, or choose to mistakenly believe that they can completely make up for it using their strengths in the other arena. The result is the same either way - ineffectiveness or failure.

Discussion & study will aid one in discerning when it is appropriate to exercise control, and when it is appropriate to exercise influence.

This theme of control versus influence is critical to 12-Step recovery programs as well. And the importance of making careful & deliberate distinction between the two in Recovery has many parallels to being a good leader and manager.

In Recovery, I both manage and lead my own Program. On the surface here, the application of management is fairly easy to understand. I manage my time to make meetings, talk to my sponsor, devote personal time to working my Steps, etc. I must also manage the other areas of my life to support my Program, such as avoiding "slippery" places, people, and things. This last part can be difficult. I must be truly honest with myself and never lose sight of what I absolutely control - which is ONLY myself and my own behaviors & reactions. I cannot "control" these same things in other people, despite any burning desire I may have to somehow do so. This is where the confusion of control versus influence can be very dangerous. I may be able to influence them (directly or indirectly) in a helpful & productive manner, but I must be careful to not feign influence when I'm actually attempting to control. When I try to control other people, I am trying to make them conform to my own selfish, misguided, or otherwise unreasonable expectations - but people are not events. When I influence other people, I must do so only with OUR sincere best interests in mind - it is then not selfish, as they benefit as well. There is nothing wrong with the fact that "what is good" for them can also be good for me - after all, that is a desired goal of effective leadership.

And so, in that sense, I lead myself - and that can be a true challenge at times! I must be wary of not confusing what I can control with what I can perhaps influence. I say "perhaps" because I must be careful about what I choose to attempt to influence. Again, I must guard against selfish and/or gratuitous motivations, and then the trap of confusing my intended "influence" with control.

For help in this area, I rely on my sponsor and others in my Program fellowship -- their collective experience, strength, and hope provides me the "study material" I need to develop & hone MY role as the sole leader and manager of my program & my life.

A work in progress...