The Plague

I'm having a hard time pushing my way through Fountainhead, and so I take breaks from it by reading other books. One recent read is Camus' The Plague.

I haven't read The Plague since getting sober, and the philosophical currents present in the book were far more stimulating to me this time around. The struggle for, and subsequent path to, acceptance for the various characters each contained elements that I could closely relate to.

In one discussion between two of the main players, Tarrou is explaining his history and motivations to Rieux, and Tarrou mentions his desire become a true healer, and next equates that to attaining peace.

When Rieux questions him if he knew what the path to follow for attaining peace was, Tarrou responds, "Yes. The path of sympathy."

That struck me particularly, but not because it is such a unique idea as presented here. Certainly, that general idea is not uncommon among other great thinkers and philosophers. It was simply a timely standout reminder for me of that concept...

The biggest threat to my valued serenity and ultimate sobriety is Pride. It's no coincidence that Pride is also the deadliest of the Seven Sins. For me, pride isn't simply arrogance; more dangerously, it's unchecked self-reliance. When prideful, I begin to distance myself by withdrawing. Selfishness and ego begin to control my thoughts and actions. While this may not directly result in a return to drinking, it is a dangerous path of regression for me as a person in recovery.

My recovery is very much a one day at a time process. This is not to say it's a nail-biting, white-knuckled day-to-day struggle, rather, that is very simply how to live life on life's terms. If I wallow in the past, I am lost in selfish regrets and wasted time. If I project into the future, I am indulging too much my self-serving will. The present is where I must remain. Here is where my attention must be, because it is only in here & now where I can take right action - only now is when I have full control of my emotions and reactions. Am I at peace right now? Good question...

To me, serenity is being at true peace with myself, and at peace with others. Sympathy is certainly an excellent path. If I am to be sympathetic to others, I must surrender my self-will and pride. Thus, sympathy necessitates humility. And humility seeds gratitude. The harmonious stalwarts of humility & gratitude provide the foundation for peacefulness. These truly are the most formidable weapons against pride.

My head is a dangerous neighborhood to spend much time alone in is a phrase that I've come to understand and very much respect as I've progressed in recovery. I will always be an addict - my head will remain that dangerous place until I die. It's up to me to respect that fact and work around it until then. That's acceptance. The "working around it" is my recovery.

A work in progress...
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