Karma, Reality, and Forward Progress
It appears that the circumstances surrounding a certain recent situation are indeed what I had suspected all along.
Or are they? A wise & crusty boss once told me, "Hydro, reality ain't shit. Perception is everything."
With that in mind, I am perhaps jumping to conclusions about this particular thing, but I doubt it. The funny part of it all is this: none of the "what really happened?" is actually important.
Or, rather, all of it is only as important as I choose to make it.
Was I played for a fool?
Was I an unwitting chump the entire time?
Am I ...*gasp*... a victim?!?
So, let's say for a moment that all of what I suspect is true... I could rack it all up to karma. Unarguably, I then finally got something I had coming from an universal justice point-of-view!
The problem with that viewpoint is that it still paints me as a victim.
But, wait - I'm innocent here!
I didn't do anything wrong!
I'm allowed to be upset about this (if it's true!) - surely then, such feelings are justified!
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
Such stinkin' thinkin' is a very slippery slope - it ain't a good or healthy place to wallow around in. I should know better, so...
Why is it that - all too often - our first instinct when feeling hurt is to somehow hurt back? Or at least get acknowledgment that we feel hurt (as we sit around on our pity-pots)?
I'm annoyed with myself for that crap still being a typical initial reaction...
The truth of this particular matter is: The reality is wholly unimportant to my own forward progress. The perceptions are created entirely in my own head, and I fully control them.
If I choose to mope and feel hurt, then I have absolutely no one to blame but myself.
And I am not innocent. I did plenty of things wrong which led to what happened...
I should have listened to my gut more instead of dismissing those somethin'-ain't-quite-right-here feelings as insecure paranoia.
I should have spoken up when I had genuine concerns.
Should I have trusted less, or been more suspicious? No, not that at all! I simply should have assumed less, excused less, and rationalized less.
I chose to lower my expectations & standards in a misguided effort to be more accommodating and not rock the boat.
I should have remained true to myself, and not accepted those compromises.
God willing, these aren't mistakes I will make again in the future. If I choose to see myself as a victim, then I have only my own poor decisions to blame for it.
I am grateful for the opportunity to become a stronger, wiser, and more confident person as a result of the whole experience, so no regrets!
I move forward one step at a time. And I am smiling ;-)
A work in progress...
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Now playing: foo fighters - this is a call
4 of y'all tellin' it like it is:
oooo... you bring up a fantastic point that I have never thought of- our first reaction is to hurt back. So true. And still true? I'm in a situation that although it's over- I still want them to hurt more than I do. So, good point.. :) As well as the perceptions point. Life is definitely all of what we make it to be and how we see it. Hopefully we can just see it in a positive light. :)
that is good perspective. some times you have to talk it through and make it make s little bit more sense. I liked this post, very honest.
Thanks to you both for the comments - I'm sure that wasn't easy to wade though without knowing more details. But it's amazing what a "freeing" process this was for me. Until I sat down and wrote through this, I realized that I hadn't been at all fully honest with myself about confronting my own role in this particular thing. That was the "weight" I had carried that I couldn't quite identify or shake off, and now it's gone :-)
Asalamalaykom,
Sounds like a "somebody done somebody wrong song". And actually, I could be singing that myself, but instead? Instead I say, ALHUMDULILLAH! I'm so glad that the man showed who he was. Truth always comes out and clarity is best. You can see things better now, so that makes you a winner, not a loser.
And if this is a woman leaving you, then take a look at that empty parking space. You were never going to get the right woman with the wrong person parked there. It's so much better to have it empty for the right person, than full with the wrong person.
Best wishes!
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