Rah-rah 2008!

Have fun & be safe! See ya next year...

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Now playing: rufus wainwright - what are you doing new year's eve?

Last weekend of '07

All of the Christmas decorations are once again packed away. I've stopped listening exclusively to my Holiday-themed playlists. All the due laundry is done, the casa has been tidied up, and all of my household affairs are confidently in good order following a thorough post-Holiday scrub. All in all, a pretty productive weekend. Not too productive, of course. Next, I just need to decide what (if anything) to do on NYE. I'll sleep on it; that sounds like a good enough plan for now ;)
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Now playing: iron & wine - faded from the winter

Art time perk III

Frida Kahlo at the Walker. Excellent exhibit! Our visit today had an interesting beginning...

We enter the Walker to get our passes, and there are three ticket people all sitting at the same desk ready to take our money. My sister goes to the first one who looked up at us, and I stood behind her expecting one of the two others to soon help me. I look at each of them in turn, and they both smile brightly back at me; they were clearly not busy. After several of these back-and-forth glances with them both, the man--as if some hidden timer had suddenly gone off--chirpily announces & motions that he can "now" help me "right over here", which is less than a half-sidestep to my right...

So, I hand over my money, and then turn to watch my sister get her aluminum ticket tab -- just when you'd expect the ticket-chick to say something like "Thanks, enjoy the show" or "Please remember there's no flash photography", she instead flatly states:
"Solar panels blinding canyon boulder."
Pause. "Errr... I'm sorry, what was that again?"
"Solar panels blinding canyon boulder."
Another pause. "OK... Thanks", said my sister as she stepped off to the side, and fiddled with putting her ticket tab on. The ticket-chick turned slightly, and contentedly grinned at a blank wall. I exchanged a quick "WTFO?" glance with my sister. Out of the corner of my eye, I see ticket-dude reaching across with my ticket tab, and when I turn to accept it, he says:
"Duck hat fetching pencil car."
"Yes, of course. Thank you", I quickly responded, not in the mood to hear him repeat it, or give him the pleasure of asking him to repeat it. However, I must admit I did have a strong urge to punch him in the face. Odd.

So, do any of you cultured peeps out there in Bloggersphere know what this was all about?!? Were we simply the unwitting prank victims of three bored, grinning-idiot ticket minions? Or was this some sort of new David Lynch -inspired coded greeting? I've never before had an employee there speak unintelligible drivel to me, and purposefully instigated discombobulation doesn't seem like a practice the Walker would advocate. Meh, I don't get it - but we pressed on...

The exhibit itself was fantastic; I didn't realize how much of a messed-up life Frida had, and some of her art very clearly reflects that. I myself found her self-portraits with various monkeys particularly disquieting for whatever reason, as if The Two Fridas and The Dream (to name just a couple!) weren't perplexing enough. Her perceptions on many things, including America's "obsession with plumbing and sports", in My Dress Hangs There are quite thought-provoking. All are very interesting pieces, to say the least. I'm never not surprised at the depth & breadth of any given artist's work when I go to an exhibit. I'd like to know more about some of her specific pieces I saw today; I'll have to see what I can find on the 'net. One of my good friends from work was going to see family in Mexico City over the Holidays, and she mentioned that she would try to see Frida's house - I'll be curious to find out if she did. I highly recommend checking this exhibit out before it ends on 20 Jan - well worth it!
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Now playing: fiona apple - sullen girl

Thank you, family!

What a wonderful Christmas it has been. It was good to see most of the family unit over the last two days. Shaun, Katie & The Boys are safely off on their annual winter-break adventure, and despite a minor auto accident (no details yet), Karin, Chris & their gang have checked in after safely arriving down south to see his father. For the rest of us, it's been some great quality time together. As usual, there was far too much food, and we all ate far too much as a result. And we laughed - a few of us narrowly cheated a premature death from choking fits, we laughed so hard. Ah yes, good times, good times...

We roll'd dem bones whilst playing two rounds of The Wonderful Christmas Spirit Sharing & Giving Game a.k.a. The Evil Thievin' Game this year, and that is always good humor. Memorable paraphrased quotes from the various gift exchanges:

"Oh wait... Stop, stop unwrapping! That's so-and-so's gift... Here, you just take this over here instead."
"How much time is left? ... 10 minutes ... But there was 10 minutes left 5 minutes ago..."
"I can see the latino influence... It's there... Look closer."
"No, really, you can have the bowls. No, you ... No, you ..."
"OK, so who's gonna take the coffeemaker? Seriously."
"Is that black toilet paper? Nice!"
"You just took them?!?" (re: the infamous booty of Target gift cards)
"Yes, of course you can use them for that. See, they're 'multi-purpose' wipes..."
"Your salt-&-pepper shakers are molting."
... I know I'm forgetting some other winners, but that's a taste.

A big thanks to my awesome family for yet another great Christmas!
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Now playing: ella fitzgerald - have yourself a merry little christmas

Wrapping-challenged

Ugh. I am the worst gift-wrapper in the world. No skills. Yeah, mine look nothing like that picture. And I'm just using newspaper, so that isn't helping my case here at all. My family is going to get a good laugh out of this buffoonery...
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Now playing: elvis - santa claus is back in town

Happy Holidays!

I wish everyone out there a very Merry Christmas!

Godspeed if you are traveling - be safe!
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Now playing: leonard cohen - hallelujah

Pay it forward

One night this week, I volunteered to assist at a Holiday celebration hosted by a local organization that helped me get back on my feet with finding a job. I have done some volunteer work for them in the past (but it's been a while), so when I saw the invitation to help, I said "yes", although I didn't know any details. As it turns out, this was a Holiday party for primarily single-parent families who are in transitional sober housing, or are getting program support for domestic abuse, dual-diagnosis, etc. Despite not having any experience with these recovery-specific services offered by this organization, I was grateful for the chance to give back for the invaluable job-placement assistance they provided me.

I came over straight from work, and the shindig was in full swing - Santa was there for the kids, there was a cookie 'decorating' area, a crafts area, karaoke available for Holiday songs, bingo, and other activities. Since I wasn't a regular face in these other programs, I had several people approach me and ask who I was, why I was there, etc. I enjoyed talking with everyone I had the opportunity to. Most were surprised to learn that I was in recovery myself: "But you don't look like it!" was something I heard more than once - haha! if only they'd seen me 1.5 years ago! It ended up being a wonderful 12th Step opportunity - I shared pertinent parts of my recovery journey with people, and I hope it benefited them as much as it did me.

One adolescent boy timidly approached me as I was watching a group play bingo (as sugared-up tots excitedly darted to-and-fro with their decorative craft-project paper reindeer antlers swinging wildly), looked me over, and said "You must think we're all crazy." I laughed and said, "Oh, not at all... In fact, if anyone here is crazy, it's me -- heck, I even still have my locked-up-in-the-psych-ward paperwork to prove it!". We ended up having a great talk about where he was at, what options were available to him, etc. When he had to leave, he said "Thank you", and the sincerity of it made my day.

I left that night very grateful - grateful for the miracle that is the 12-Step program of AA, grateful to all of the amazing people who have supported me in my recovery journey, and grateful for the gift of unexpected opportunities to pay it forward.

A work in progress...
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Now playing: social distortion - story of my life

:)

"OK, I'll talk! Just NO more 'elf yourself' emails!!!"

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Now playing: helmet & house of pain - just another victim

Art time perk II

On Saturday, I got to spend some quality time with various family members, all with the added bonus of gettin' my arts & culture on. In the morning, I went with Margo and Katie to see the Georgia O'Keefe exhibit at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts. Details on the exhibit here. Fantastic show! My favorite painting there was a small still life of a fig, titled appropriately "fig". Isn't it interesting what different people find appealing & attractive? All of her work was beautiful, of course. I enjoyed our discussions of what she was trying to convey in her various abstract paintings - good fun!

That evening, most of the family unit went to see one of my Mom's concerts. She is in the Twin Cities Community Gospel Choir, and her love for music & singing is beautifully apparent when she is on stage. The Good Lord knows I don't have much of an ear for music (yeah, that gene definitely skipped over me!), but you couldn't help but be caught up in the genuine enthusiasm generated by the choir & their clear passion for the music. A most joyous and energetic Holiday celebration! Good times, good times...

I still have yet to go see the Frida Kahlo exhibit at the Walker before that show ends in January. I'm looking forward to that!
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Now playing: alison krauss - down to the river to pray

The road to hell...

Some say the road to hell is paved with good intentions (or unbought stuffed dogs, if you are a Hemingway fan), and I see plenty of truth in that. Whether it's those little white lies given under the guise of 'protecting' someone from a perceived-to-be inconsequential or unnecessarily painful truth, or it's simply not taking the right & proper action. I'm indisputably capable of being smugly satisfied with knowing the 'right' answer or having a 'good plan', but do I take timely action? As the 12x12 reminds me (p 67), "Consider, too, our [as alcoholics] talents for procrastination, which is really sloth in five syllables." Indeed!

Anyway, what's gotten me thinking about this recently is the fact that I've heard from some old friends recently - and what a true blessing & wonderful Holiday gift that is! Although I have had intentions of contacting them eventually, I hadn't taken action. I could list off any number of excuses for not doing so, but as one of my friends pointed out at a recent AA meeting, "a road 1000 miles long also has 2000 miles of ditch", and I certainly fell in the ditch somewhere with my grand plan of contacting old buds.

So, my friends, thanks for pulling me out of the ditch - it's nice to be back! Your support and goodwill are greatly appreciated! ;)

A work in progress...
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Now playing: the decemberists - sons & daughters

Mr. Yuk & Letting Go

Resentment is a poison we take hoping the other person will suffer

AA's Big Book (p 64) reminds me that when it comes to the defeat of self, "Resentment is the 'number one' offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stems all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically."

When I am mad or resentful with something, I am in denial of the fact that I am practicing self defeat. The true victory in these discontented circumstances is not the fulfillment of some form of karmic 'justice', rather it's when I take back complete control of my thoughts & emotions and decide that I am going to move on as a wiser, healthier, & stronger person. Really, what other choice do I have??? To continue to let this person or situation take up space rent-free in my head and thus consume my valuable time & energy? Or do I remove that intrusion to my serenity by letting it go? I cannot control God's will for the situation, so why (at such a great cost to myself) do I commonly fantasize about doing so?  Crazy, ain't it?

A work in progress...
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Now playing: iron & wine - upward over the mountain

The office Holiday party

Yep, we had that shindig tonight. Very impressive setup; it was quite the nice time. But I'm very glad I left as early as I did - I saw enough developments underway that'll keep the rumor mill gleefully buzzing for the foreseeable future. Haha, have I mentioned recently that I'm soooo happy that I don't drink anymore? Could be pretty interesting tomorrow morning... Who needs TV when you have quality drama like this? ;)
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Now playing: run dmc - christmas in hollis

You would think...

...that a set of keys would make some noise if they were to be gobbled up & spit out by a small snowblower.

Not so much.

I was just finishing the big pile left by the plows at the front of the driveway when I look over at the snowbank and notice two broken parts of (what appear to be) my thin foldable earmuffs sticking out. "Ugh", I thought, "I guess they fell out of my pocket, and I must've run over them. How did I not notice that?!?", I chastised myself. As I begin to pat my jacket pocket to confirm they were indeed mine, I simultaneously notice both a lack of my familiar key jingle-jangle, and see part of a 'whoop-whoop' car key fob laying in the snow not far from my earmuff.

"Oh boy." That mild realization was followed by a hissed string of expletives that would make any Herk crewdawg proud as I dived into the snowbank furiously sifting for my keys... any keys... a key... anything! I did find the broken key ring itself, which confirmed my worst fears - all of the keys were separated and scattered. Ugh.

Fortunately, all of the keys could be replaced, so nothing was lost forever. Who knows, I may even find a couple of them when the snow melts (St. Anthony? Are you taking notes up there? Pencil me in for next spring please...) Frustrating? Yes. End of the world? Hecks no. Today's lesson?  Zip up yer pockets! ;)  Life goes on!

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Now playing: green day - basketcase

'Tis the season

Time to get out & shred the gnar! Or whatever the kids are calling it these days...
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Now playing: jojo effect - the beat goes on

Let it snow!

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Now playing: cocteau twins - winter wonderland

Perspectives & passions

One of my female coworkers is a rather upscale dresser. She has a designer sweater that came with several large holes in it, and - although I don't understand it myself - this sweater is apparently quite the deal in terms of what's fashionable these days. When she wears that sweater, she inevitably gets ribbing from we vogue-oblivious urchins (most men, in other words). She generally takes it pretty well, but I'm sure it must annoy her to some extent. 

I've often wondered what would possess her to buy such a sweater in the first place, but I learned recently that I don't have to look very far to find the answer...

I was showing off my bikes to a buddy who's new to riding, and I was telling him the story of how I built up my single-speed 29er over last winter - explaining why I made certain choices of this part over that, this configuration over that, etc. I was discussing Pookie's Brooks B-17 saddle, going on & on about what a great, classic saddle Brooks produces, and how I got the idea to "hack" it from MTBR.com:

"Oh, it's such a fine & comfortable saddle, and it ended up being just perfect for the Niner!", I gushed exitedly.
So, then he looks over my Santa Cruz Blur and innocently asks why I don't have a similarly comfy Brooks on her too.
"Errr...", I stammered, grimacing horrified as I pictured a now suddenly oh-so-clunky-looking Brooks on sleek lil' Boo-Boo!
"Uhhhh... well, that just wouldn't look right at all... errr... it's just not the proper saddle for the Blur", was all I could pathetically muster as I deflated under the full weight of the fact that I was actually a haute couture bike fashionista!
Is this what I've become?!? We shared a good laugh over it all, but it definitely got me thinking...

All three of my bikes have very different & distinct personalities, and I do indeed dress them accordingly. Although most people wouldn't appreciate the effort I put in to do that, I realized that I do it for my own satisfaction - and that's what matters!

The takeaway? Different stokes for different folks ;) Do what makes you happy - live & let live

Happy trails & good dirt! ...errr... Snow! Whatever...
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Now playing: pailhead - don't stand in line

Ellie's baby pics are in!

Check her out in the "My Spoiled-Rotten Kids" link over to the right...
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Now playing: count basie & tony bennett - with plenty of money & you

The pruning of life

At my meeting last night, I was reminded of an analogy I like very much (à la one of my favorite movies, Being There). Just as the gardener prunes the tree in order to foster healthier & more beautiful growth, God prunes our spiritual & human development through the challenges we encounter in our daily lives.

Do I choose today to dwell on & fester over the immediate wounds administered by such trials, or do I instead embrace these as opportunities to grow into a better, stronger, and healthier person?

A work in progress...
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Now playing: mozart - sinfonia concertante for violin

The Office

I've been asked why I never blog about work. After all, it's not for lack of available fodder - it's certainly a target-rich environment of things to discuss, bemoan, praise, and/or vent about! But, alas, it just hasn't seemed worth the effort so far. Although I can't really stay completely removed from the water-cooler gossip, the ever-present rumor mill, and the other ins-&-outs of cube-life drama, there's simply no healthy purpose served by re-hashing any of it in a forum like this. Frankly, none of it is all that interesting in the end, anyway! Maybe someday, but not for now. Meh.
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Now playing: geto boys - damn it feels good to be a gangsta

Q & A - part II

While I do not introduce or otherwise openly advertise myself as a recovering alcoholic to just everyone & anyone, I am always happy to openly discuss my alcoholism & my recovery journey with folks. Heck, if I wasn't, I wouldn't have this blog among other things... But, there are many misconceptions out there related to addiction & recovery, so I'd like to answer some observations & questions posed to me...

"You often refer to yourself as an addict. But I thought you were just an alcoholic?"

It is true that I have never used traditional 'drugs' (illegal or prescription), so how can I be an addict? Alcoholics are addicts too, it's just that our drug-of-choice is alcohol. As an addict, I must be aware that I possess an addictive personality. My alcoholism is my most prevalent addiction, but my addictive nature can very easily manifest itself in any other given area - whether it's sex, drugs, food, gambling, tobacco, etc. This is called 'cross-addiction'. Many addicts are cross-addicted to something other than their primary drug-of-choice. In recovery, addicts must stay wary not to allow transference of one troublesome addiction onto something that may at first appear to be rather benign - "Awww, what's the harm in playing the ponies a little bit?" or "Well, I never had a problem with pot, and doing a little bit here & there helps distract me from the booze obsession". These types of thoughts are very slippery slopes for a recovering addict! We addicts are stuck with this defective addictive nature for the rest of our natural lives -- only by continuing to work an open, honest, & willing program of recovery, can we hope not only to best our primary addictions, but also steer well-clear of cross-addictions.

"Why could you not just control your drinking and drink like a 'normal' person?", or as some people tell me, "I could never be an alcoholic/addict. I have enough willpower, so that could never happen to me."

Haha! This is something I often asked myself even when I was finally willing to admit that I was an alcoholic. Unfortunately, many of us addicts go to our graves sickly wrestling this animal. Yet, on the surface, this seems a reasonable question. However, addiction is (in fact) a mental and physical disease. Here is one excellent commentary from AA's Big Book, and here is another very insightful article addressing the disease of addiction.

The first of AA's 12 Steps says "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable". Indeed! Besides the Big Book, the other text often used in AA is called "12 Steps & 12 Traditions" (12x12); here is a good discussion of Step One from p 22:

"When first challenged to admit defeat, most of us revolted. We had approached AA expecting to be taught self-confidence. Then we had been told that so far as alcohol is concerned, self-confidence was no good whatever; in fact, it was a total liability. Our sponsors declared that we were the victims of a mental obsession so subtly powerful that no amount of human willpower could break it. There was, they said, no such thing as the personal conquest of this compulsion by the unaided will. Relentlessly deepening our dilemma, our sponsors pointed out that our increasing sensitivity to alcohol--an allergy, they called it. The tyrant alcohol wielded a double-edged sword over us: first we were smitten by an insane urge that condemned us to go on drinking, and then by an allergy of the body that insured we would ultimately destroy ourselves in the process. Few indeed were those who, so assailed, had ever won through in singlehanded combat. It was a statistical fact that alcoholics almost never recovered on their own resources. And this had been true, apparently, ever since man had first crushed grapes."

"It's great that you've been sober for a while. Now...
...aren't you 'cured' yet?"
...why do you still go to more than one AA meeting a week?"
...when can you stop going to these AA meetings, doing service work, and all that other AA stuff?"
...why can't you have 'just one' once in a while?"

My sobriety MUST always come first in my life - before everything else! There is no such thing as 'just one drink' for an alcoholic, whether they are still active or in recovery. We just don't get that concept at all - in simple terms, we simply lack any ability to moderate whatsoever. No amount of sober time will ever fix or improve that. Many addicts have been lulled into believing otherwise after having been sober for a while; the results are inevitably the same - returning to their previous condition frighteningly quickly, and then finding themselves mired in previously unimagined & ever-worsening circumstances.

My favorite daily reflection comes from the "24-Hours A Day" book's January 6th entry:

"Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing. Can I ever afford to forget this, even for one minute?"

But, Chris, you put your sobriety before relationships? Before God? Before work? etc... Yes, yes, I do. The 'God' issue isn't a problem; God is a vital part of my recovery program - without rigorous and sincere spirituality, my recovery program will ultimately fail. So, my relationship with God is in complete concert with my recovery. But, yes, my sobriety must come before my job, my family, my friends, and any future relationships I have. None of those things could ever be a success if I am not sober. All of these things can work harmoniously together - that is (after all) the beauty of working and open, honest, & willing recovery program; it teaches you to live life on life's terms. The 12 Steps of AA have very literally saved my life, and they continue to teach me how to live better in sobriety.

That is why I plan to forever actively involve AA in my life by continuously working my own personal 12-Step journey, and participating in meetings & service work. These are the keys to my sobriety, and thus a better life. I simply cannot deny that The Promises of AA have steadily come true for me, and I look forward to more & better things in the future! These things are only possible if I keep my sobriety the #1 priority in my life.

"Is it hard for you to be 'around' alcohol?"

No, for me, it is not. I am comfortable enough in my sobriety that being around other people who are responsibly enjoying alcohol is not at all an issue for me. But that's just me - other folks in recovery have their own comfort levels. And, I must add that although I do not have to 'white-knuckle' my way through circumstances when alcohol is present, I certainly do not make it habit to spend my time that way. My days of hanging out in bars or socializing in such a manner are long gone; that scene simply doesn't hold any appeal for me anymore. I do go to an occasional after-work 'happy hour' with my fellow minions, but that's not a regular routine in my lifestyle these days.

"Surely someday, there'll be a medical pill that'll 'fix' this disease of addiction. Won't that be great?!?"

I certainly don't doubt that this will happen someday - modern medicine never ceases to amaze me! But, I would never take such a pill. I do not yearn to drink like a 'normal' person can. There is no attraction to such a thing for me whatsoever. I have learned a new & better way of living, and I would not welcome the opportunity to 'safely' introduce alcohol back into my life. Today, I am proud to call myself a recovering alcoholic. Strangely enough, being an alcoholic is the best thing that ever happened to me. Without it, I wouldn't enjoy this peace and enthusiasm for life that I truly enjoy today. And I know that the best is all yet to come - I am excited for that! ;)

A work in progress...
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Now playing: beastie boys - body movin