Ironman Wisconsin 2010

Where to begin???

After getting into triathlon late in the season last year, I decided to go big and sign up for IMWI 2010 - my plan was to volunteer at IMWI '09 to ensure I would get a slot.  Plan was going well until the neighborhood gas explosion that badly damaged my house on 09/12/09.

Though that event stopped my trip to Madison in '09, I still registered for the race later that fall, and pressed ahead.  To finish IMWI exactly one year after the fire was a wonderful way to bring this past 12 months full circle!

I had ambitious plans to dedicate massive amounts of time to training for this race, but some major life events happened - dealing with the house fire aftermath took over 6 months to settle, work has been busier than normal, and I met a wonderful partner this past spring - a woman I love very much, and am blessed to have in my life today.

So, my priorities shifted accordingly, and Ironman training wasn't the end-all-&-be-all of my life.  That's not only OK, it's how it should be - maintaining proper balance in life is ever important.

Yeah, so the training... I didn't want to admit this until I actually finished the race, but - truth be told - I didn't train much at all (relatively) for this thing.  No coaching, and in fact, no training plan whatsoever.  I've never been much for training plans; after all, I do all this stuff for fun, right?!?  I'm blessed that I can get away with this plan of no-plan given my current level of fitness and my own self-discipline - sure, I know I'll never set any course records or do my super-best-possible, but that's OK right now.

I simply swam, biked, and ran when I had time for each, and fit in long runs & rides where I could.

No surprise then that my overall prep in all three disciplines was lacking when compared the weekly training hours of any intermediate or advanced IM training plan.  Run training was OK, but nothing stellar (only two 20-mile runs all year - averaged well under 30 miles/week for the season).  Bike training was a single century ride in late April, one 80-mile day in July, and nothing even close to that otherwise - I had just two other weeks all season when I rode more than 45 miles on the bike.  But my biggest concern was still the swim - I went over one mile in open-water only twice (one 1.5, and one 1.2), and went 2 miles in the pool also only twice.  And no true "bricks" at all - those are when you do training events back-to-back, like a bike ride followed immediately by a run.

My saving grace was that I was very consistent at regularly working out - though my total hours & miles weren't impressive, I often did 2 or 3 workouts a day, and worked to balance intensity for my weak areas versus available time.

Still, even after admitting all of that, there was never a doubt in my mind that I would complete the Ironman course within the 17-hour requirement.  But I truly had no idea how I would fare time-wise once I tried to combine a 2.4 mile open-water swim, 112 mile bike, and 26.2 mile run all in one day.  I was secretly hoping I'd be able to pull it off in 14 hours, but I didn't ever share that with anyone because I didn't have the training experience to give me any reliable perspective.

Michelin came along on the trip with me and provided fantastic support throughout - thank you, baby!!!  This whole experience was made so much better with her being a huge part of it :)

We arrived in the Madtown area Thursday afternoon, checked into the hotel, and then I hit the Expo for Athlete Check-In.  The expo was surprisingly lame - I expected a monster expo, and this was really small and unimpressive.  Oh well - I wasn't there to shop or ogle, so no big deal.  Check-In went fast & smooth, and then back to the hotel.  We stayed in Middleton, which worked out fine (~20 min drive), but it would've been great to be walking distance from the Monona Terrace - unfortunately, that also equates to being hideously expensive.  So, plusses & minuses either way...

Friday was very relaxed - just packed up my 5 race-day bags, final prep on the bike, and a quick 30-min run.

The 5 bags:
1.) Swim-to-bike transition (T1) - Bike helmet, shoes, sunglasses, race belt, plus some other stuff
2.) Bike-to-run transition (T2) - running shoes, visor, a few other things
3.) Bike course "special needs" (SN) bag - spare fuel bottle to swap out halfway through the course, and some other emergency items (tools & fuel)
4.) Run course SN bag - emergency-only stuff (can of Red Bull:), l/s shirt, etc)
5.) Morning bag - for my street clothes before/after the race

For those of you who may be curious what I specifically did for race-day nutrition, what I carried on the bike/run, packed in my transition/SN bags, and more nit-noid stuff like that - drop me a line, and I'll be happy to share more details.

Back to the Terrace Friday night for the "mandatory" Athlete Pre-Race Briefing.  Nothing really useful there - just a regurgitation of the Athlete Info Guide we all had.  Michelin & I didn't do the fancy Friday night dinner event before the race briefing, and no regrets there - you'll get your fill of IM hysteria that weekend, so I recommend you enjoy that night away from all the hoopla.

Back to the Terrace Saturday morning to drop off the bike, and the 2 T-bags.   Wandered around the expo a bit more, but spent most of the day just trying to stay relaxed.

Slept pretty well Saturday night - a good 6 hours, which isn't bad for a race like this!  Up at 3:00 am - shower, breakfast, final packup, and then jumped on the 4 am shuttle bus to the Terrace.  Transition opened at 5:00 am, and I wanted to be there for it.  Arrived a little early, so I grabbed a coffee at Starbucks and just enjoyed the calm, cool, and dark morning - it was a really neat pre-race energy building out there!

Got body-marked right at 5, dropped off the 2 SN bags, and put fuel bottles on my bike in the Transition Area (TA) - all done before most of the other folks arrived.  Then just went in the Terrace, and relaxed for a while before the race - I nursed a Powerade after finishing my coffee.  Michelin found me in the Terrace as I was waiting - she's amazingly good at being in the right place at the right time ;)  I love you, sweetness!  Here I am waiting in the Terrace:

I put on my wetsuit at ~6:20, and headed down the Terrace's east Helix to the swim start area.  Dropped off my morning bag there, and headed to the water...

I was standing out in the water at 6:40 - the energy & vibe was incredible - lots of folks were out warming up, but I didn't feel like jumping out there quite yet.  Water was 68 degrees and calm - absolutely perfect conditions.  The announcers kept telling us to head out further to make room, so I swam out with a herd of others towards the first red buoy (upper right in pic below):

The small group of professionals started earlier than the rest of us regular age-groupers - they started at 6:50.  The rest of us (2700+ total racers) all start the race at 7:00 am.  Ironman swim starts are a mass start - no matter where you are in that huge starting gaggle, everyone's chip time starts when the cannon (yes, a cannon!) goes off at 7 am.

So this is where it got interesting... a growing group of us were right at that corner buoy.  You see, I was under the impression that the course distance included that space between the shoreline and that first buoy, but that wasn't the case - and that finally became obvious to me at that point.  Yet, even then, I still wasn't really putting 2-&-2 together - I was actually in a primo starting point - right at the "start" buoy itself, so I had a straight-shot along the buoys lined up in front of me.  Sounds ideal, eh?

Well, the problem is that I'm NOT a strong swimmer, so that was in fact a bad spot for me to be in (more on that in a moment).  By the time I realized this, we were all packed in the water so tightly, I couldn't move out of the way.  Given the fact that I'm not a fast swimmer, I would've more ideally been further back and/or closer to the shoreline to start.

The videos below should help give some perspective on what I'm talking about - these are two videos I found on YouTube of the race start that morning.  Bear in mind, this is ~2700 people all going at once!  In the videos, I am near the front of that farthest end of the race gaggle as you see it - you can see the line of racers was packed thick all the way from the shoreline out to that first buoy - absolutely NUTS!





The entire first loop of the swim was constant contact with at least one other racer - it was insane!  A total wrestling match out there - grabbing, pulling, pushing, kicking...  My sprained wrist took a hard kick that really hurt the rest of the swim & bike.  My goggles got completely kicked off my face twice, and my nose plug was a very early casualty - it was gone right away (should have put a string on it!).  I was petrified my Garmin watch was going to get kicked off my wrist - mercifully, it didn't, but I will never again wear it during the swim portion of any race!

Since I was literally at the front of the pack with the fast racers, they all made quick work of trampling right over me, and it was all I could do to keep up with the ensuing "washing machine" as best as I could.  It was chaos out there, but once I got over the initial shock of how nutty it was actually going to be, I started to like it!  As they say in NASCAR: Rubbin's racin', and I ended up doing just fine holding my own around the course.

Around the first turn buoy (upper left in pic above), all racers traditionally yell Moooooo! as they go around the buoy - it was pretty funny listening to everyone as you pushed around that turn :)  The second loop was a little bit mellower, but not much.  All the same, I was very happy to finish the 2.4 mile swim and get out of that mess!

To give you an idea of what that "washing machine" is like, here's a good video :)  Though this is a parody, that is exactly what these IM swims feel like!



T1 went fine - I came out of the water not too wobbly, and the wetsuit strippers helped me out of the suit.  Ran back up the Terrace helix to the TA, swapped swim gear for bike gear, and headed out.

Here's a pic of the bike TA at the Terrace that morning...

I realized I needed to pee, so I bee-lined to a porta-potty on the way to my bike.  Two problems there... One, IMWI makes you wear your bike shoes out of the TA - bike shoe cleats and wet plastic porta-potty floors make one helluva slippery combo - I almost bit it hard blasting out of the porta-potty - not cool!  Two, in my great haste to pee, I obliviously ran right past the sunscreen-slathering volunteers - HUGE MISTAKE!!!

Grabbed my bike in TA, and headed to the mount line.  On the bike, and down the opposite helix (woot!) and off on the 112 mile course!

My plan was to be very conservative on the bike course overall - the bike will make or break your IM race...  Go too hard, and you won't have enough left in the tank for the run.  Also, you take care of your nutrition foundation for the day while on the bike - take in enough calories to keep you going just right on the bike itself, and also prepare you for the run.  In 140.6 races, nutrition is indeed the 4th event.  Taking in either too many or too little calories and hydration can both be equally crippling - it's a very fine line to walk for each individual athlete, and requires a well-prepared & tested plan ahead of time.  I won't bore you with details of my own plan here, but I'm happy to answer any questions y'all may have about what I did - my nutrition plan worked very well, I was 100% pleased with it.

IMWI is widely regarded to have the overall most challenging bike course of all IM races - this is because of the hills - while they admittedly ain't mountains, some of them are damn steep, and there are lots of them - you seem to be going up or down almost the entire course.  It was constant work to ensure you stayed in a proper gear on the bike that a.) maintains your desired speed & pace, but b.) doesn't spike your heart-rate - the key to a great IM bike leg is steady consistency with regard to your power output.

I don't train or race using heart-rate data or power data, so I base my pacing on speed & pedal cadence (that data displays on my Garmin watch).  Honestly though, that's just a fancy way of saying I basically wing it ;)  I hoped to average 17 mph, and ended up doing better than that overall, and felt pretty darn good throughout the entire bike portion.  But a few issues did plague me out there:

1.) My right wrist was sprained from a bad crash at race earlier in the season, and it was re-sprained during the swim.  It hurt like hell on the bike since it was my primary shifting hand - on this IMWI course, you are constantly shifting gears, so I kept aggravating the sprain.  Annoying, but not crippling.

2.) My neck was completely jacked up somehow from the swim.  Tucking in the aero position on the bike was brutal for the first 30 miles or so - I couldn't turn my head at all to the left, and that freaked me out.  Eventually, I just got used to it - what else can you do, after all?

3.) I got stung THREE effin' times by bees!!!  On the first loop of the course, one went in a small vent on my helmet and stung my forehead.  Then, on the second loop - at the very same friggin' spot on the course! - another one got caught in the top of my sunglass frame, and stung my left eyebrow - that one swelled up much worse, and my eye was burning & watering bad for a while there.  Finally, on the lollipop leg back to the Terrace, one stung my torso as I tried to flick him off my jersey.  Lovely.

4.) I got absolutely fried in that oppressively glaring sun over those 6+ hours on the bike.  Ouch!

In case I forget to mention this later, the volunteers & folks out cheering the racers all day were ALL nothing short of phenomenal.  There were over 3000 volunteers, and they made the entire race event -- from check-in on Thursday through SN bag pick-up on Monday morning -- a truly unbelievable experience.  Mad props to all of the wonderful volunteers.  And huge thanks to all of the folks who cheered the racers on the bike & run courses - absolutely amazing.

The hills of the IMWI bike course look like the Tour de France when it comes to crowd support - check out some of the crazy folks in these pictures (link borrowed from a fellow Slowtwitcher).  I busted out laughing at some of the nutty stuff I saw out there, and that was exactly what I needed on those ass-kicking climbs - too funny!

Link to IMWI bike course pics (slideshow will automatically begin playing)

Wrapped up the bike course feeling good with a final climb back up the helix at the Terrace, hit dismount, dropped off the bike, and booked into the TA for my run bag.  Realized I was crazy sunburned, so I let the sunscreen volunteers slather me up this time!

At this point, I still have not looked a race clock at all, and my Garmin was not set up to display time of day, or elapsed race time - that was intentional - I didn't want any time-related pressures to develop over the course of the day.  I knew I had done well so far, and I knew I was going to finish the race overall, so I was all smiles heading out on the 26.2 mile marathon - the final event!

The smiles didn't last too long - the run hurt.  Well, of course it hurt!  But it hurt worse than I anticipated given how good I felt after the swim & bike.  I disparagingly lapsed into the ol' run/walk IM shuffle strategy almost immediately.  So, a few thoughts there...

1.) I knew I had a safe amount in the tank, but I didn't know how much.  More (hell, any!!) brick training would've helped out there.  That being said, I played it super conservatively - the last thing I wanted to do was get cocky on the run and blow up so hard that I couldn't finish the race.  Though that's never happened to me in other triathlons, it's certainly not uncommon!  I came too damn far to DNF the race during the run - NO way I was going to let that happen.  If that meant I take it all slow & easy, then so be it...

2.) The IM run is almost ALL mental - it's a battle between your body screaming to shut down, and your head fighting off that urge.  I gave in to my whiny body a lot more than I should have, but hindsight's 20/20, so that's easy for me to say now.  Though I never ever did stop moving forward during the run, I admittedly walked a lot when I could've darn well been running.  That was just me losing the mental battle every now & then.  Sometimes I walked because I was being a wussy, sometimes I walked just to take in the sights & interact with the crowd and other racers, and sometimes I walked because I simply couldn't run.  But I'd always start running again soon - it wasn't fast, but at that point, you'll take whatever you can get! ;)

3.) The first half of the run was late afternoon when the sun & high temps (upper 70s) were at their worst - it was rough out there.  I was so crusted over with salt all over my body, I began chafing badly - both armpits were burning like hell from the salt & friction, but I finally noticed I could get a handful of Vaseline at the aid stations, and I went to town with it - oh how I love thee, mighty Vaseline!  Much better after that.  The second half of the run was more tolerable as the sun got lower & temps began dropping.

4.) The Aid Stations on the run course were fantastic - it was like a wonderful buffet at each & every mile!

5.) While walking at various points, I met a few other racers involved with Racing For Recovery (I was wearing the R4R race kit top) - it was motivating to talk with each of them.  It was a good reminder that though I wasn't feeling exactly tip-top on that run, it sure as hell beat being drunk!  And chatted with any other random racers I happened to be walking with - everyone has a cool story of how they arrived at doing an IM race - great stuff!

I ran in the last two miles (that stretch of State Street was INSANE with awesome crowd support!!!), and then full-on sprinted hard for the final 0.2 mile - passed 6 people in that last stretch and came across the finish line at max blast!  I was so light-headed from that sudden burst of energy, I didn't even hear good ol' Mike Reilly call out "Chris Halloran - YOU are an IRONMAN!!!" as I crossed the line.  No biggie - just was thrilled to finally be done!

Michelin met me at the finish, and I was a total mess - this pic sums it up perfectly - that's me trying to smile - lots of emotions & adrenaline going wild at this point, muscles suddenly & violently cramping, and my left eye is still swollen from that damn bee...

Even here, I still have not looked at a race clock yet - during my finish-line mad dash, my entire focus was to not fall on my face as I sprinted in - I blocked everything else out.  I was hoping I was somewhere close the 14-hour mark, but I couldn't see a race clock from where I was in this picture, and didn't have the energy to go look for one - the finish-line area was a total madhouse.  Michelin helped me inside the Terrace where I struggled to get out of some of that nasty kit - I wore that same kit (top & shorts) all day, and I was one stinky, sticky, sweaty, salty, and just plain gross hombre!  At some point while changing, I glanced at a wall clock in the Terrace and noticed it said 8:06.  WTF?!?  I asked Michelin if that time was right - she just smiled :)  It was only then that I realized I came in under 13 hours - given my overall weak base of training (and that trainwreck of a run!), I never dreamed I'd get under 13 hours at this first 140.6 -- I was elated then, and still am now!

My final results here

Will I ever do another 140.6?  I'd love to someday, although I think I told Michelin that night in the Terrace, Never again!!!  But I'd like to do it with a coach next time - I now know I could easily go sub-12 with proper training, and I think I could do much better than that.  I don't think I'll ever Kona-qual (KQ), but it would be fun to get sub-11, and I don't believe that's out of reach for me.  Someday!

Definitely no 140.6 in 2011 for me though, and it may well be several years before I do another one.  And that's perfectly OK - Ironman and other 140.6 races will always be there when I am ready again.

For those of you considering getting into triathlon, do it!  It's SUCH an amazing community of people, and if you ever decide to do an Ironman event, it's a powerful experience you won't ever forget - and I mean that in a good way :)

A work in progress - always & forever...

Spring has sprung

The 2010 spring season has brought many blessings.

It's wonderful to be back in my house! I'm all settled in, and couldn't be happier with the way things have turned out. The improvements made during the renovation are all working out wonderfully, and I'm thrilled to everything restored & returned to the way it was or better.

Well, admittedly, the lawn is still a trainwreck (as it always has been), but that's pretty low on my list of priorities ;)

I've been blessed to meet many new friends both in & out of recovery, and both in & out of the running/triathlon communities. Life is good! One recent acquaintance has me particularly excited about the future, and I'm thrilled about that.

The '10 race season is off to a great start too! This season's training saw a slower & rougher start than last year, so I was getting frustrated, but then it finally began to click & fall into place...

My first "race" was the MDRA Mudball Classic last Saturday, and it was a hoot! I love that race because it is so laid-back and it has such a fun & celebratory atmosphere. I love getting to see my MDRA friends there, and it was the first time I've seen Steve this year - we had a great time catching up, and he gave me some awesome info for my IMWI training - thanks Steve!

Last Sunday, I enjoyed my (then) longest bike ride ever - 45 miles out-n-back on the Gateway Trail. Good stuff!

This weekend, I had this season's first half-marathon on Saturday morning - the Get In Gear. It went very well - though it wasn't my fastest half marathon split, it was much faster than I anticipated. I really couldn't be happier with the results. The weather was rainy & cold - you all know how much I grumble & whine about that weather before a race, but once I settle down into my pace out on the course, that weather is always just about perfect, and I'm all smiles.

Congrats to my friends Rachel & Willie who both PRd their 10Ks, and Mary who PRd her half-marathon. And to Steve, who massively PRd his half on Saturday (not GIG) - 1:22 - wow!

After that race, we celebrated with yummy Day By Day Cafe breakfast with my wonderful GF and my dear friend Rachel and some of her friends - a perfect way to cap off a great morning! I even got in a great swim that afternoon at the Midtown Y. A leisurely evening spent with my lovely GF capped off a fantastic day :)

On Sunday morning, I woke up early to head out to the Minnesota Ironman Bike Ride. I was just planning to do the 65-mile route (they offer 30, 65, and 100 mile options). It was cold & rainy again this morning, and I came very close to not doing the race at all once I got there and realized how wet & chilly it would be. But, I decided to man up & press on...

Today's BIG mistake: I picked up a course map at the check-in table, but stupidly stuffed it in a jersey pocket without even looking at it. My reasoning? "Well, surely the course will be very clearly marked at the split points, and I won't need to worry too much about looking out for that turnpoint..."

Admitting that, I know all my Herk peeps out there are shaking their heads: "Route study, and then clock-to-map-to-ground, Hydro! C'mon now!!!" You'd think such preflight & inflight skills would still be second nature to me, but I arrogantly decided to blow off my pre-mish planning. Trust me - lesson learned!

OK, so off I go... I had planned to be self-contained on the 65-mile route. Though there were rest points along the way, my plan was to do the 65 without stopping - I had enough water & fuel on the bike to make it happen. Well, that was the plan, anyway...

The first 50 miles were cold & wet. It was rainy, chilly, and windy. There was a rest stop at mile 50, and I finally decided to take a break to warm up a bit. I peed, grabbed a cup of coffee, and jumped back on the bike. I admit that it occurred to me then that I didn't recall a 50-mile stop being part of the 65-mile course, but I still didn't understand I had missed the 65-mile course turnoff (which was quite a ways behind me at that point). But do I stop then to confirm my suspicion on the course map like any sensible person would? Of course not! Ugh. So...

I start getting excited as my Garmin tells me I'm at the 60 mile point, but as I look around, I notice that it does not appear that I'm anywhere close to Lakeville (the Lakeville senior high school is the start & finish of the race). "No worries!", I reassure myself, "Surely, I must still be on the 65-mile course"

...It was then that those uncomfortable past-life memories of "Uhhh, hey Nav... What's in SCNS right now?!?" started to surface in my mind... As the Garmin mileage ticked closer to 65, reality set in - I am still out deep in farm country, and am definitely not on the planned 65-mile course!

The legs were understandably sore at that point (after all, my longest ever bike ride till this point has been those 45 miles a week ago), but I was still feeling fine overall, so I decided to suck it up and push out my first-ever century (100-mile bike ride).

Those last 50 miles were drier - only light occasional rain, but the headwinds & crosswinds were brutal. My decent average speed over the first 50 miles dwindled to a frustrating crawl through those winds. I made one more rest stop at ~80-mile point for more sugar & coffee, and then finished my first century with a big smile on my face!

I'm very tired right now, but my body feels good - sore, but it's a good, contented soreness, and nothing hurts - I'm very happy about that. I'm looking forward to a great season of many great race events coming up!

These last two weekends have combined all of the wonderful things about my spring so far - time spent with with my amazing GF, other wonderful & dear friends, and good/fun/successful training events & races.

Tonight, I reflect what a huge gift that sobriety has been in my life - all of the many blessings I enjoy today are only possible because I am sober. By God's grace, I will continue on this path, but it's a journey I take one day at a time. And I like it that way - it keeps me humbled & grateful for each day I have in this incredible new life of mine.

I hope your spring is off to a wonderful start as well!

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Now playing: cage the elephant - ain't no rest for the wicked

Blessed

In mid-2009, I decided to become a triathlete. Though I am early in this new triathlon career of mine, I am humbled by the amazing folks I've met so far...

I've mentioned before what a blessing my friends in the distance-running community are - all such healthy, genuinely happy, and encouraging people. Folks in the triathlon world are certainly the same way.

Today, I was blessed to meet more local triathletes who are also in the recovery community. It gave me pause to consider just how many of "us" I now know - a lot!

I really shouldn't be surprised by this - folks who are sincere & earnest in their recovery are ideal candidates to excel in the worlds of endurance running, triathlon, and multisport - such activities truly are a perfect match for us.

Triathlon and long-distance running are examples of activities that most people consider completely out of reach. To folks humbled by & grateful for the miracle of their recovery (even those with little or no endurance background), we know that nothing is out of reach for us. We know that anything is possible, and that belief & confidence in ourselves takes us the distance - by the grace of God, we are able to achieve wonderful and previously unimagined accomplishments in life. And out on the road, on the bike, and out in the water ;)

To all of my fellow brothers & sisters in recovery (athletes and otherwise): May God continue to bless you, and thank you for sharing your experience, strength, and hope. Though you may not know it, all of you are an inspiration to me, and I am grateful to have you in my life today.

To my fellow sober racers - looking forward to meeting more of you and seeing you around in the upcoming 2010 race season & beyond!
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Now playing: eagles of death metal - flames go higher

2009 Twin Cities Marathon

Great day overall!

Weather? Could hardly ask for anything better. Just about as good as it gets.

I had been saying that if the weather was good, then I'd push out at a Boston-qual (BQ) pace, and just see how it played out. Very honestly, I didn't have any illusions about actually getting a BQ. I'm an optimistic person (try anyways!), but through school-of-hard-knocks experience, I'm also pretty familiar with my body's race-readiness levels, and an overall BQ simply wasn't the level I was starting this race at.

The house-fire thing has been the biggest reason for that. Sure, it affected my actual training some, but it much more affected my focus and mental prep for this race. At any level, racing for an aggressive finish time is more of a mental challenge than a physical one (in my opinion), and my head just hasn't been in full go-get-'em mode for this one. Work was busier than usual the two weeks prior to the fire, and that affected training runs too. And I mishmashed in a lot of multisport-specific training there late in the season - none of that was in the original plan for 2009. But that had its own rewards - one duathlon and two triathlons under my belt now (including an oly), and I'm really pleased with how well those three races went.

Excuses, excuses ;) I don't mention any of that to rationalize away the BQ miss. I mention it because I knew all of those things were adding up to no BQ for this year, and that's A-OK. I've got plenty of time for that later!

Race prep went well, although I clearly screwed something up in my nutrition plan. More on that in a moment...

Have been blessed this week to "meet" Willie Tibbetts through Facebook - Willie is an amazingly talented lady, and a much-loved superstar in the local running scene & beyond. We bumped into each other in Corral One at the race, and started off together. I managed to stay with (correction: near ;) Willie for ~10 miles, and then started to slip back. Willie's strong pace helped get me a start that surprised me - I hit the halfway point at 1:32:51 - I've never had a pace close to that for 13.1 miles! At that point, I knew there was NO way I was going to sustain it for another 13.1, but I just decided to keep going and see how long I lasted.

Shortly thereafter, I got the worst sideache I ever remember having. WTF? A sideache?!? I haven't had one of those in years!!! For me, these are typically related to poor hydration, but I felt strongly that I was properly hydrated even at that point, so this is still a mystery to me. And I couldn't get rid of it either. It slowed me down a bit; every time I tried to push it back up, the stitch intensified, so I had to just find a level I could live with.

The sideache wasn't the end of the world, just frustrating - I got to around mile 20, and then it all fell apart... The legs cramped badly, and every muscle started to get really sore - even my arms. I was anticipating the legs giving out since my weekly mileage had not been where it needed to be in the last month prior to the race, but I had been hoping I could get to mile 23 or 24 before they rebelled. The whole time on Summit Ave was miserable. Run some, walk, jog, walk, run, walk. Ugh. But the unusual soreness in all of my muscles tells me something was not right with my pre-race nutrition plan. So, I've got some things to think about there for next time... Live & learn!

The spectators and volunteers were all fantastic - huge thanks to all of those folks!

Mom, Dad, Katie, B, and Margo - thanks for the wunderbar family support - your signs & cheers were great!

The Charities Challenge crew was fantastic as usual - thanks to Coach Gary, Coach Jeanne, Tom, and Roxann for the awesome support during & after the race. Cheryl - it was SO cool to see you there with Parker and Mark - you guys made my morning - the signs you made were so cool! I can't express enough how much it meant to me to see you guys there and have your support - thank you so much! :)

In no particular order, mad props to:
Rachel - first marathon ever - looked strong and finished strong - SO proud of you, Rae!!
Marcy, Hetvi, and Bridget - first marathons for them too - all finished strong & smilin'!
Tanya - great job rockin' another solid PR today - you are kickin' butt and takin' names!
Sandi, Amy, and Gary - so great to see you guys at the Dome - congrats on another rockin' TCM!
Willie - 3:03:51 - wow! What else can ya say? Congrats, Willie - and thanks again for the early push!
My friend Nicole Cueno - 2:49:37!! I'm embarrassed to admit that I had ZERO idea Nicole was such a marathon rockstar - big congrats to her!
Steve Stenzel - crushed the TC 10-Mile race with a 1:02:43 (95 out of 5797!!!). Awesome job, Steve!

My results. A 26.2 PR by 20 minutes (no, I'm not counting seconds here, lol), so I'm very pleased with that.

THANK YOU to my dear friends who have been so generous with your support & encouragement. I am so blessed these days to enjoy the wonderful circle of friends that I have today - I am so very grateful to all of you for your kind support today and always - thank you from the bottom of my heart!
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Now playing: gnarls barkley - run (i'm a natural disaster)

3,2,1... Go!

Finished race links -> results; future race links -> info pages
Race pictures are over to the right under "Racing Pics"

2010:
Get In Gear Half-Marathon
Minnesota Ironman bike ride (100-mile course)
Gear West Duathlon (#109)
Stillwater 20-Miler
Buffalo Triathlon (olympic - 1.5k/40k/10k)
Liberty Triathlon (olympic - 1.5k/40k/10k)
Chisago Lakes Triathlon (70.3)
Ragnar Relay (Great River)
Ironman Wisconsin (140.6) -- race report here
Twin Cities Marathon

2009:
Get In Gear Half-Marathon
Stillwater 20-Miler
Grandma's Marathon
Ragnar Relay (Great River)
St Paul Triathlon (sprint - 0.5mi/20k/5k)
Minneapolis Duathlon (5k/18mi/5k)
St Croix Valley Triathlon (olympic - 1.5k/40k/10k)
Get Ready To Rock 20-Miler
Twin Cities Marathon -- race report here
Monster Dash Half-Marathon

2008:
Twin Cities Marathon
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Now playing: beastie boys - body movin

Keep on keepin' on...

I am so very appreciative of all of the support I've gotten over the past week! My family has been amazing, and all of my dear friends have been wonderful with offers of time, resources, and anything I need for help.

Thank you Mom & Dad for providing a familiar & comfortable place to stay and the excellent home-cookin' all week. Thank you Cheryl for coming to help last Sunday - taking pics and writing down inventory was pure drudgery, but your help & just being there on that long day was such a blessing - I so appreciate it!

The outpouring of support has been unbelievably heart-warming - I have so much to be grateful for today. Yes, the fire could've been much worse, and I'm certainly grateful all that will turn out fine in the end. But I'm most grateful to have the wonderful, generous, and true network of support I am blessed with these days.

No updates on the house or my stuff yet, but for the time being "no news is good news". I'll be getting all settled into my apartment starting on Monday, and I'm looking forward to that - it'll be a welcome return to some normalcy.

The Twin Cities Marathon is still on as planned, but I won't be pushing for Boston. These last few weeks of training have just been too messed up (yeah, I know some of that is supposed to be taper, but I've never really been much into tapering ;), and I don't think it would be wise to push that hard at the TCM. So, I'm thinking the BQ attempt will now most likely happen at the 2010 Grandma's - it's a great course for a Boston push. If not then, then sometime soon enough... It'll happen eventually - that much I promise!

My plans for the 2010 Ironman Wisconsin are still on. Because of the fire, I missed out on the opportunity to register in-person, but I decided that paying extra (lots extra!) for a Community Slot was still well worth it. While I hope this won't end up being my only 140.6 IM-sanctioned race, you just never know... So, I decided making my push for that as planned in 2010 was worth the extra money.

I'm determined that this ordeal will not stop me from going after my big plans. Maybe a speed-bump here & there, but overall? It's time to HTFU & FIDO ;)

In the end, when all is said and done, and I'm back settled in at my house, I don't think much will have been lost as a result of all of this. And I hope my house will end up with a few improvements too! In the meantime, I admit this is all a hassle & inconvenience, but I'm grateful that's all it is - there's been no loss of life, no grave injuries, and no loss of anything that can't ultimately be replaced.

Big picture: all is still good. Very good! :)

THANK YOU once more to EVERYONE for your love, support, and well-wishes!
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Now playing: sublime - what i got

I never thought...

...something like this would happen to me.

You see these insurance commercials on TV, and think "Those poor people. Hope that never happens to me". Well, it can!

Summary: Next door neighbor's house filled with gas. They were home (family of 5 - very nice, sensible people), and smelled the gas. They were in the process of opening windows, and clearing out when the Dad flipped a light switch in the basement (probably just out if habit) - then, BOOM - literally. The neighbors across the street said it was like a huge bomb went off.

The family all were either outside (Mom and baby) or got out of the house (dad and one daughter) with treatable burns. The other 10 year-old daughter was trapped in her room by the blast and needed to be pulled out by another neighbor who busted through a window to get her - she's suffered some internal bleeding from the blast, but is projected to make a full recovery. That neighbor is a great guy, and is a real hero!

It truly is a miracle none of them were killed - thank you, Lord!

It's all over the local news & newspapers today if you want to read more about it. My Mom said there was national TV coverage showing Obama boarding Air Force 1 at here in Minneapolis, and you can see the smoke from my fire in the background. Lovely. Not exactly how I wanted to be showcased on the national news...

One local news slideshow of pics can be found here Ugh. It's hard for me to watch.

The initial team of adjustors met me this morning. They did a walk-through and took pictures. There was a whole lotta "Oh, this doesn't look good", and they didn't stay very long. That can't be a good sign for me keeping the house, but I won't know for sure for a day or two. I will keep everyone posted on that...

Today, I am going to start my "list" - what I think I can save and what is lost. I'm not looking forward to this. I know it's going to be a long and very sad process. Please pray for my strength & spirit - I'll need it.

Some of my pics from the damage are here - it's a panicky mishmash from my iPhone and my other camera (all taken yesterday after I got on-scene), but it gives you a small idea of the damage: http://picasaweb.google.com/hydro311/FireDamage

Thanks to everyone for the messages, texts, voicemails, etc - I so very appreciate it - I can't express that enough!!! Please understand if I can't make individual responses to all right now - I'll do my best, but I am so completely overwhelmed right now - I appreciate your understanding, and please don't think I'm blowing you off or am not very appreciative of your support!

I will blog here with bigger updates and on Facebook too - thanks again to all - your prayers and well-wishes are so appreciated!

A weekend at the races

Wow. What a weekend it's been!

The "Great River" Ragnar Relay was absolutely incredible - I thought it would be fun, but it far exceeded my expectations! A total of 233 teams (!) participated - most were 12-person teams with 2 support vans per team. There were a few "ultra" 6-person teams also, but I was floored by the sheer number of folks who participated - it was absolutely awesome.

Everyone was so enthusiastic & fun - some of the teams were just insane - wild costumes, crazily decorated vans, bullhorns, sirens, booming radios, all sorts of flashing lights - it was so much fun. And all of the folks (other racers and volunteers) were fabulous - everyone was so supportive of each other throughout the race - we were all in it together. We had a blast getting to know some of the other teams we were pacing with at various points over the two days.

Overall, "The Loo Lovers" (our team) did impressively well - we soundly beat all of our forecasted legs times, and finished the race well ahead of schedule. Unofficially, it looks like we averaged 8 minutes per mile over the 195 total miles. I was very happy with how I did - I was runner profile #11, and my three legs were all ~4.5 miles. My legs were all pretty flat, so I just hit the gas as hard as I could. That got harder as the relay went on, since I got maybe 2 hours of sleep over the two days - and that was better than some folks who didn't sleep at all - our opportunities to rest were few and very brief!

The weather was fantastic throughout. The night leg was my favorite. It was completely dark (no moon and zero street lights on most of the leg), but temperature & conditions were perfect, and it felt great to tear it up. My headlamp provided enough light to see, and our van kept our nighttime runners in sight the entire time - they just leap-frogged along as the runner progressed, and could thus immediately provide cheering, water, or any assistance. This was a luxury that the usual daytime traffic on the roads would not afford - during the day, the van provided support to the runner at 1, 2, or 3 points along their route, but that was the best we could do.

I will absolutely do Ragnar again. Many more times, I hope! It made me remember again why I love running - the camaraderie and just plain simple fun of it provided a much-needed recharging of my training batteries. The whole experience was incredible - it was a celebratory 28+ hour running love fest - as close to a Woodstock as the running world can get :)

Some pics from the race can be found on the Facebook Loo Lovers page. Hopefully, more will be added over the next several days...

I was finally home from Ragnar at about 4 pm on Saturday, and then...

It was time to get ready for the St Paul Triathlon on Sunday morning - my first-ever triathlon. I had registered for the "sprint course" before I was asked to sub in on my friend's Ragnar team, so I figured I would still try to make this tri if at all possible - it was paid for, so why not? ;)

I washed some clothes, packed up the transition bag, prepped the bike (didn't swap to race wheels for this one - not enough energy for that effort ;), and got to bed as soon as I could - I needed to get up at 4:30. Ugh.

I got about 7 hours of sleep, but that's for sure the best night of rest I've ever had before any big race - I usually don't sleep very well the night before big races.

Brewed up some coffee, and hit the road to Lake Phalen. Randy (race director) confirmed I would be able to pick up my race packet that morning, so I wanted to be there right when the transition area opened. No problems there at all - got a good transition spot and built my nest.

The sprint race was a 0.5 mile swim, a 20K bike, and 5K run. It went far better than I expected - I was extremely happy with my times (events & transitions both) - one, it was my first tri ever (woot!), and two - I had just finished Ragnar and was still physically ass-kicked from that whole experience (crazy schedule, off-pattern eating, lack of sleep, lots of running, etc). Here are my final results from the tri.

I thought the event was very well done. I've heard that some of Randy's events can be a bit unpolished, but this one was quite impressive in execution. I like that his events (Vacation Sports) are comparatively quite a bit cheaper than other races - that's nice! The transition area security left a bit to be desired (no bike-to-rider verification upon exit, opened back up too early to finished racers [some folks were still in T2, so that's not cool]), but even so, I wasn't at all worried about my bike or gear in there, so I can't really complain. Plenty of friendly volunteers and great support all the way from pre-race, along the courses, and post-race.

Some good lessons-learned...

I thought I would be crazy nervous for the swim - I have never done a swim of that distance, and this was my first long open-water swim (OWS). But, I wasn't nervous at all. I was actually a bit concerned that I had zero race nerves - usually, at least some nervousness is a good thing, but I had none. I would like to think that was because I was so well prepared, but that would be a huge lie! I guess it was just the fact that I was still emotionally drained from Ragnar - my body was just saving all energy for the race - nothing to waste on nerves. If that's the answer, it works for me!

I wore my wetsuit for the swim, and that did wonders for my confidence and performance. I feel like an invincible super-hero when I swim in that thing! Realizing that my swimming skills leave much to be desired, I waited a few seconds and left the beach towards the back of my wave. The "washing machine" wasn't bad at all (lots of contact, but all minor), but the frustrating thing was other slow swimmers - throughout the course, I kept running into lines 5 or 6 abreast of lollygagging swimmers, and I'd have to pick through them - it was hard to get in a good rhythm at any point during the swim. But, I felt really good throughout the swim overall, so I was greatly relieved by that.

Running to T1 was a trip! Everyone told me to be prepared for being dizzy and light-headed getting out of the water, but wow... that was intense! I got through T1 fine and without any major shenanigans, though I struggled a bit getting out of my wetsuit quickly due to my balance still being eff'd up. No big deal.

ALWAYS know thy courses! I didn't carefully review the courses because I didn't have time or energy to do it last night (dorked up that set of priorities!) And, of course, that bit me. Nothing bad, and I found out later numerous other people did this same thing - the bike course was an out-n-back, and as we were nearing the transition / race area again, I thought that was the end, so I reached down and slipped out of my shoes. Yeah, well... not so much the end... We actually shot around that area for a quick out-n-back. So, I had to reach down and get back in my shoes - not a huge time loss overall, but that loss would've been easily avoidable if I'd reviewed the course. I didn't race any of the tri with my Garmin since this was such a short race, so I had no way of knowing total distance - another dumb mistake.

I also had some embarrassing getting-into-my-bike-shoes buffoonery coming out of T1 - that was due to my being uncoordinated in general, and not enough practice yet with the whole leave-shoes-on-bike thing (admittedly, shame on me for bringing that unpracticed weak-sauce to a race). Shook off that snafu, and proceeded to have a solid overall bike portion - I was pleased with my pace. My quads were screaming from Ragnar when I first started to drop the hammer, but they soon quieted down. Or maybe they just surrendered and went numb. I'm not sure which.

T2 went really well - dismount from the bike went smooth, booked it to my spot, slipped on the Zoots, grabbed my visor, and I was off - 35 seconds from TA entry to exit - booyah! The first mile of the 5K was total murder - my legs were so effin' tight - I thought I was in for the longest 5K of my life... But then the legs loosened back up just fine, and I was thankfully able to settle into my usual form. By some miracle, I actually PR'd the 5K - now, where the heck did that come from?!?

All in all, a most excellent weekend - I am one happy camper right now. And grateful too - I'm blessed to have my good health, wonderful friends, and the available resources to enjoy these great opportunities!

Next events on the schedule:
8/30 - Minneapolis Duathlon
9/6 - St Croix Valley Triathlon
9/13 - volunteer at Ironman Wisconsin
10/4 - Twin Cities Marathon
10/31 - Monster Dash 1/2 Marathon

See you out there!
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Now playing: death cab for cutie - i will possess your heart

Balance

My Mom often proffers the following advice when I update her & my Dad with what I've been up to lately: Keep your balance.

Wise words.

It's very easy to let things get out of balance, even when I may feel I have it all pretty well under control. The biggest thing I must balance is maintaining my recovery as the #1 priority in life. I feel I do a good job of that overall. Room for improvement? Of course! But that's why I stick with working my Program on an ongoing basis - I'm always learning.

But smaller upsets in my balance can easily grow and oscillate into other areas, so that's what I need to remain well aware of. While the vast majority of things happening in my life do not pose any sort of direct threat to my recovery efforts, improperly handling them certainly has the potential to snowball dangerously ("Serenity NOW!!!")

Right now, I'm taking some me-time to reassess my training plan & goals.

I began this season with the upcoming Twin Cities Marathon (TCM) as my "A-race" for the year. Then, mid-season, I decided to get into triathlons, but wisely shelved any immediate entry there (i.e. significant races) until next year. However, I have been accumulating tri gear, equipment, and training plans, and have admittedly been quite distracted by this exciting new world of tri. I am very pumped to hit triathlons hard next season, but I have to remain faithful to this season's plan - a good show at the TCM.

I've recently been blessed with a fantastic opportunity to participate in the 2009 Ragnar Relay, and I'm very much looking forward to that! Though I remain focused on the TCM as the big fish in the pond, I don't see any real conflict with that and Ragnar. However, I did sign up for two sprint triathlons this season ("Just to get a feel for things"), but one didn't end up working out schedule-wise in the end, and the second one is scheduled for the same weekend as Ragnar. While there's an outside chance I could still do that second tri, I don't see it happening. It doesn't make sense to push that hard - especially considering it would be my first tri race. So, while it stinks to eat those race entry fees, it's a small price to pay in terms of experience if it means I stay healthy and true to my goal for this season.

Continuing that theme, there's simply no good reason to push so hard in general to mishmash in so many adventures & experiences just because I seemingly can. I'm young, I'm blessed with amazing health these days, and I've got many, many years of running and racing ahead of me - plenty of time in the future for many more goals!

So, it's time for me to throttle back a bit. One nagging result of my distracted training imbalance has been this tight right calf. Still there. Not worse, but not better. I've decided to take some time off from running to give it a rest. That will also be a good time for me to reassess my game plan for the final months going into the TCM. I'll plan to do some swimming in the meantime, but overall, I'm taking a break from scheduled training - I need it to restore my balance, and I'm very confident good things will result ;)

A work in progress...
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Now playing: cat power - breathless

"Open Book" Recovery?

Today, I am blessed and grateful to celebrate 3 years of sobriety.

How? One day at a time. Progress, not perfection.

My recovery has not been (and certainly is not now!) perfect, but I'm humbled & thankful when I reflect on how far I've come from that amazingly low place 3 years ago. My recovery will forever be a work in progress, but one I embrace with 100% of my energy. My sobriety is -- and forever will be -- the most important priority in my life.

The initial steps in my recovery journey were the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than all the other "hard things" in my life combined. For me, it was very literally a life-or-death situation, and for a frighteningly long time there, I had consciously chosen death as the final option. Turning that around was not easy under the horrible weight of shame and that suffocating state of utter hopelessness. But I finally made the choice to get better, and with God's grace in my life, I've enjoyed a steady return to life - a great life - a truly healthy life blessed with a loving family, amazing friends, and rich with activity. The Promises of AA have all materialized in my life over these last 3 years, and I am so grateful for that.

I am unlike many folks in recovery - I am very open about my recovery journey. I haven't always been that way. During the first year of my sobriety, I focused exclusively on it - I didn't pursue a job or new relationships outside of meetings, or otherwise communicate at all to many people outside of meetings and my family. After that first year, I became much more comfortable & assured with my situation, and it was then easier to reach out to other folks - to begin re-establishing old & disconnected friendships, and start new ones.

My active alcoholism was far from a private matter. Everyone in my life knew I had a horrible problem, and I have a criminal record which publicly documents a clear problem with alcoholism. Since my battle with alcoholism itself was very open, I decided that I would be correspondingly open about my recovery journey. To me, that just made sense to do. Particularly, as I was re-establishing contact with old friends, that question of "Wow, you're alive! I though you'd be dead or in prison by now! What happened?!?" warranted an honest and complete answer.

So, I started this blog and otherwise became willing to share my story with folks - both folks in recovery (of course) and "normies" too.

Some folks in recovery disapprove of me taking this approach of openness - they advocate that recovery should always remain very private, they advocate humble anonymity in all cases, and remind me that AA is a program of attraction, not promotion, etc, etc, etc.

I understand and certainly respect their viewpoint on this matter - after all, years ago, addiction & alcoholism were much more of a stigma and scarlet letter than they are today - it was risky then to be "open" about being in recovery. However, I have not encountered any such stigmas, either professionally or personally. And, if I did at this point, I now have the confidence and conviction to ASAPly set that sh!t straight (pardon my french). Of course, I would do it in a manner that kindly educates and informs ;) -- ignorance & prejudice with regard to recovery shouldn't be tolerated any more than other forms of ignorance.

Some folks in recovery may say that I am unduly grandstanding with the open sharing of my recovery story. Again, I disagree. Please do not confuse my enthusiasm and passion about recovery with undue pride or self back-patting. Getting kudos and atta-boys are not why I share my story or openly celebrate my sobriety anniversaries. I choose to share my experience, strength, and hope with both folks in The Program, as well as "normies" on the outside - I share because I've encountered a need to educate, inform, and be a living example of the miracle of recovery.

Most importantly, continuing to be open and accountable (recovery and otherwise) to ALL people close in my life helps keep me straight on the path of right living.

That's why I do what I do - it works for me.

I'll close by sharing my new favorite quote; it's from Kurt Vonnegut - "You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do." Indeed!

A work in progress...
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Now playing: johnny cash - i walk the line

Grandma's Marathon '09

This race was a very good learning experience for me. I made several big mistakes going into it, and I'm very fortunate and blessed that I not only finished with a PR (personal record), but that I finished injury-free.

In no particular order, I'll break 'em down...

Mistake #1: No long-distance training in sun and hot weather yet this season. I've been blessed to have some other great races (GIG 1/2, Stillwater 20-miler) this year with regard to my paces, but they've all been under near-ideal weather conditions. So far, I've only done distances of 4.5 - 5 miles when it's been hot and sunny. That's a big hole in my training!! So, I must incorporate some long-distance training runs when it's nasty like that out. The upcoming TCM in October could be brutally hot (like in '07), so I need to prepare for that option. When it's nice & cool or overcast out, that's a whole different game than when it's sunny, hot, and humid :)

Mistake #2: I went into the race with a questionable calf injury. Well, not so much an injury - but this lingering, nagging tightness in my lower calf/Achilles area I've had for the last several weeks. Two results from that: It's hampered my training (especially distance runs), and it was dumb to start a race like a marathon with a wildcard issue like that - I could have easily shredded up that calf or Achilles during the race and I'm very fortunate it feels good today. Actually, I'm a bit spooked right now - it feels perfectly normal today (is that good or bad?!? I expected it to be quite tight!). It didn't "hurt" per se during the race, but I definitely felt the tightness. Did it slow me down? Yes, but not from pain or anything like that - it was more from that stupid "Can I pick it up? Yes? No? What if I push too hard and blow it out? Go faster? Slow down?" loop-of-doubt that kept playing in my head. You shouldn't race if you know you are going to be distracted by such things - it just messes with your focus and clarity. And I knew darn well that loop would be playing, so I should've considered more carefully at the start whether this race was smart to do.

Mistake #3: Past results do not themselves equal future success. This ties in the previous two mistakes, but is a lesson I need to get real about - especially as I migrate into triathlon training! Just because my training so far this year has been ahead of schedule, I can see now that was had a lot to do with the great weather we've had so far (cool temps). My rigorous marathon training history is only about one year old now - I've certainly come a long way, but I can't get too far ahead of myself. As I continue to whittle my pace times down, I need to be much more patient and realistic than I have been. This race at Grandma's was a very good wake-up call - if I want to BQ at the TCM this year, I realize now that I have much more work to do than I previously thought! I was getting far too cocky in my training and goals this season, so Grandma's definitely helped knock me down a few levels...

Here's a breakdown of my Grandma's results. It's almost the complete opposite of my '08 TCM performance - instead of my pace slowly improving throughout the race like the TCM, my pace steadily degraded all through Grandma's. I started out too fast, and was thus behind the proverbial power curve when the temps ramped up, and it all went south quickly from there.

So - Grandma's '09 - definitely not my finest work. In fact, it was the worst race of my career so far. I guess that sounds odd for me to say when I PR'd, but this was only my 3rd marathon ;) It may have been a PR, but it's not one I'm particularly proud of - given my mistakes, I was very fortunate to just finish this race at all. Great lessons learned here for me, and I'm taking them all to heart!
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Now playing: electronic - breakdown

Resolution

I am confident that we've now seen the last of my stalker ex-gf and her rancorous harassment.

Earlier this week, she was confronted on the phone by one of her latest targets. She was advised on no uncertain terms that the harassment would cease immediately. She acknowledged that message, and stated it would not happen again.

To follow up on that, I have explored possible legal action that I myself can take. I've been counseled to provide her one final warning to forever cease all harassment and unsolicited communication to me, and my friends & family members. That has been done; I have emailed her that message today, and - God willing - that will be the last communication that I (or anyone else in my life) will ever have with her. I made it very clear what consequence would result if she were to disregard these messages.

In the future, if any of you out there receive any form of derogatory communication from her regarding your association to me (as I've mentioned before, it would be glaringly obvious in tone & content), please do let me know - I am now well prepared to escalate it immediately.

Thank you all for your support and help through this week - it's very much appreciated!
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Now playing: beastie boys - something's got to give

WARNING!

My unstable ex-girlfriend (for perspective here, that relationship ended 3.5 years ago!) is resorting to new lows in her ongoing efforts to wreak havoc in my life.

Because some close friends of mine have blocked her existing profile on Facebook, this girl is now creating fake Facebook profiles as a way to view people's Friends Lists, and is contacting other people's family members in an effort to "warn" them about me.

To put it mildly, that is crossing the line.

I would appreciate it if you (or anyone in your Friends List!) would please let me know if you get any harassing messages ranting about what a horrible person I am. There's no use in openly identifying her here, since she is now disguising her identity. However, any message from her would be exceedingly obvious in both tone & content.

If you are reading all of this and thinking, "Chris, WTF is this all about?!?", then please check out this previous blog post. I am happy to take any questions you may have about the whole situation, so please feel free to ask - I sincerely do my best to be openly accountable for my past actions & behaviors, and that previous blog post is a rather comprehensive summary of the situation and my side of the story.

Her malicious (but misguided) efforts here are cowardly and indicative of her ongoing psychological issues which she refuses to be accountable for - sadly, she believes that her attempts to trash my current life will somehow bring her peace and happiness. It's unfortunate that she still does not understand the all-too-well-proven "epic fail" in that line of toxic reasoning.

Today, I'm blessed to be surrounded with happy, healthy, and supportive family & friends - my close friends are well aware of this whole situation and are in my corner 100% - I am certainly grateful for that, but I am saddened that they are being unduly harried.

This recent harassment has gone too far, and it will no longer go unanswered.

Your attention and support here are much appreciated - thank you!
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Now playing: fugazi - bad mouth

Expectations

...is the topic for today. Admittedly, it's a topic I've blogged about in the past; however, like so many of life's challenges, it's one I face routinely, and rarely in the same form.

My favorite saying on the subject is: Expectations are just resentments in the making. So true!

The area where I am most often bruised by expectations is in personal relationships, so I'll focus there.

I must choose friends and potential partners carefully, and be careful not compromise or yield too much. This is rarely easy, especially in the early stages. Even if things start off very well, I must be wary not to concede my standards in an effort to be accommodating, or be otherwise agreeable. Being overly compliant is where I typically get myself in bad straits.

When I become frustrated with other's behaviors, I must ask myself: Are they not living up to standards and behaviors that have been mutually discussed & agreed upon, or are they not living up to standards and behaviors that I myself have imposed upon them?

More often than not, it's the latter. In that case, I must be brutally honest with myself about my motivations. Are my concerns truly reasonable? If I feel they are, I must be brave enough to peaceably voice my concerns, and not let any resentments build & fester. Or am I seeking self-glorification, unreasonable attention, or being otherwise just plain selfish? If so, I must become accountable for my role and adjust my attitude. Often times, this most appropriately requires the help of the other person - their feedback, perspective, and support can provide me great insight.

However, in some circumstances, I am left in an undesirable situation - after honest assessment, I determine the relationship (friendship or otherwise) is not a healthy one for me to maintain. I compromise too much of my own standards in an effort to keep things afloat. I want to be clear on one point - this does not necessarily mean that the other person is 'bad' or otherwise somehow undesirably deficient. It often just means that we are too different in how we approach things - our standards are not congruent.

What to do next depends on the particular situation. To find the greatest peace for myself, all I can do is be honest with the other person and attempt to discuss the situation. This may be met with varying degrees of success, but it's a step I must take to be accountable and forthright. Just walking away bitter and feeling hurt is never a healthy option, even though I may (at the time) feel such action is justified to teach them a lesson or something equally selfish & defensive. Although such thinking is a classic, red-flag slippery slope to anyone in recovery, alas, I am only human, and am not immune to it. I can't necessarily stop such a thought from popping up, but I can certainly choose not to take action on it ;)

A work in progress...
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Now playing: new radicals - get what you give

One day at a time

I've had a couple of great races this past weekend. The weather was beautiful, and the races were a blast. I'm starting to meet more & more good folks in the local running community here, and I'm enjoying that.

Leading up to Grandma's and the Twin Cities Marathon (TCM), I've signed up for a bunch of shorter races this spring & summer. Publicly, I've said that I'd just be doing these for fun, and would have no goals for them, but that's not entirely true. I do have goals for the longer ones, since some will be convenient trials for the marathons.

And, indeed, I did have goals for this weekend. They had to do with my big goal, which I have for this year's TCM: a Boston-qualifying time (BQ). To qualify for Boston this year, I need to average 7:30 min/mile, so that was my goal for these races this past weekend. I was able to do it for both, but as I was crossing the finish line each time, I thought to myself, "26.2 miles at THIS pace?!? No effin' way!!!"

I cannot afford to think like that.

Distance-running training is very similar to recovery. If I just stare at a final goal, the road to it looks overwhelming and impassable. But if I take it one day at a time, and work each day to the best of my ability, meeting smaller goals as I go, I travel along that road just fine. Sure, there are inevitable missteps along the way, and it can be discouraging at times on a day-to-day basis, but I simply must do the honest best I can today. If I do that, then I truly can have no regrets with the outcome, even if that means I don't make my goal at the desired time. And that's the cool thing about life - it's rare that you truly don't get a second chance, at least with the really important things ;)

Just as I do a daily 10th Step inventory for recovery, I do the same thing with my BQ goal for running. What right action have I taken today -- just today! -- towards my goal? Where have I fallen short? What is my plan for tomorrow -- just tomorrow! -- to accentuate the positive and amend today's shortcomings?

When I take it one day at a time, my small steps add up to those long distances over time.

When I was in my early sobriety, The Promises of AA seemed completely out of reach to me, but they have all steadily come true over time. Similarly, my goal of doing the TCM last year in under 4 hours seemed beyond reach when I first started training late last season. But each "goal" has been realized one day at a time, and each continues to enrich my life today.

The fruition of AA's The Promises are a blessing that I'm grateful for every day, and my success at the 2008 TCM has motivated me to continue further with running. As a result of each, I've met wonderful, healthy, happy people who enrich my life, and I myself have grown as a happier and healthier person. Good stuff!

If a BQ doesn't happen this season, no worries. Heck, I've got the rest of my life to get one ;)

A work in progress...
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Now playing: billie holiday - i've got a date with a dream