Life of late

work.
run | bike.
relax | observe | cogitate.
read.
sleep very soundly.

simple | uncomplicated.
life is good | very good.

And, for now, that's just fine by me ;)
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Now playing: the stone roses - waterfall

"Snakes On A Trail"

I forgot how I always seem to have more snake encounters in the fall season. I've seen the same (maybe? who knows) garter snake yesterday and today out sunning himself (herself?) in the same place on the woodsy stretch of my usual running route. It's a pretty good size garter; it kinda freaked me out yesterday, but I was looking ahead better today, so I wasn't surprised this time...

That is until I rounded the next bend and saw not very far ahead what I assumed was just some downed branches laying across the path. Yeah, well, not so much. One of the "branches" turned out to be a big brown python or boa (!) also out enjoying the warm asphalt and late afternoon sun.

And it was at that "WTF?!? Is that a.... uhhh... errrr... Sweet fancy Moses! Yes, it IS!!!" synapse-connection when I did my panicked & terribly uncoordinated stutter-stop while simultaneously shrieking quite loudly. Fortunately, no one else (as far as I know!) was within earshot of my embarrassingly frightened yelp. The snake just lazily looked up at me, then seemed to "Harrumph!" as much as a snake can possibly express such a thing, and finally resignedly slithered off into the brush at the side of the path.

It must have been a pet someone dumped. That's rather sad, it looked like a perfectly nice snake once I realized it wasn't actually going to attempt to wrestle me down and eat me. The Good Lord knows that I'm certainly no fan of snakes, but I felt badly that I disturbed this guy's time peacefully soaking up the last of the day's warm sun.

Fortunately, no more snake encounters during the run. That's not exactly the kind of workout I'm trying to give my heart!
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Now playing: lou reed - walk on the wild side

On a lighter note...

It's on like Donkey Kong!

24 - Season Two
Now playing at select times in my living room

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Now playing: blur - song #2

Training in progress: Step back & think

What's been gnawing at me lately is my idling over certain other peoples' perceptions of me. I'm still rather baffled as to why I'm particularly sensitive to this lately... However, the 12x12 discussion of Step 10 gives me a lot of comfort. NOTE: That Step 10 link isn't to the actual 12x12 text - it's just given to provide some background on Step 10...

"It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us." (12x12, p90)

It is always good to be reminded of this wise truth. This can be a very difficult pill to swallow at times, but true healing and forward growth cannot happen if I do not first take honest accountability & ownership of my role in things.

"Few people have been more victimized by resentments than have we alcoholics. It mattered little whether our resentments were justified or not … Anger, that occasional luxury of more balanced people, could keep us on an emotional jag indefinitely." (12x12, p90)

Haha, I love that line: "…Anger, that occasional luxury of more balanced people…" So true! It's very easy for me to forget this, and the all-too-predictable bum results unfailingly reinforce this truth. Progress, not perfection ;)

"Our first objective will be the development of self-restraint. This carries a top priority rating … We must avoid quick-tempered criticism and furious power-driven argument. The same goes for sulking or silent scorn. These are emotional booby-traps baited with pride and vengefulness. Our first job is to sidestep the traps. When we are tempted by the bait, we should train ourselves to step back and think" (12x12, p91)

This definitely speaks to the heart of my recent discontentment. I've seen The Promises steadily fulfilled in my life, and I suppose that's why the sting of others' continued resentments towards me are all the more biting now than when I was in my early sobriety. "What more can they possibly expect from me?!?" is typical of the garbage in my head recently. I know that I have truly changed - why do I find myself now suddenly so perturbed with what other people say about me? There are some people who will never accept the possibility that I've changed, and I must not allow myself be concerned by them. They are ill-intentioned & poisonous - engaging them invariably brings out the worst of my own character defects. And they then (of course) relish that I took the bait, and flaunt any hasty & rash reactions of mine.

Indeed, this is an issue for me only so long as I allow it to be. Self-restraint is still absolutely a character defect of mine that needs attention & work. I must stay removed from these people who wish to do me harm and see me fail. No good can come from interacting with them in any manner; I need to sidestep these traps. There is simply nothing left there for me to "fix". Trying to actively convince someone (through dialogue) that I've "changed" is absolutely the most ineffective way of trying to accomplish such a thing. For those affected by my alcoholism, the best possible thing I can do to demonstrate the sincerity of my change is living my life soberly, spiritually, and in accordance with the 12 Steps to the best of my ability.

I am not perfect and I do stumble. But, nothing so bad that I've ever considered drinking over it. I do at times struggle (sometimes slightly, and sometimes mightily) to maintain my serenity, composure, and steady progress; however, I am grateful to have God, my family, the fellowship of AA & the 12 Steps to assist me. I must simply remain willing.

"An honest regret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings received, and a willingness to try for better things tomorrow will be the permanent assets we seek" (12x12, p95)

A work in progress…
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Now playing: PIL - rise

Evil temptress

The new REI fall catalog came in the mail today...
Must hide credit cards!
Macht schnell!!!
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Now playing: wilco - outtasite (outta mind)

Morning musings

I went to Caribou this morning to do some casual reading and get my periodic "go hang out at a coffee house" fix. All well & good...

When I left, I biked by a open convertible with a seat cover that said "I see dumb people" (a sarcastic twist on that line from The Sixth Sense, I presume). My first inclination was to agree - how sad is that?!? I've never considered myself a very sarcastic or cynical person, but I know full well I'm certainly capable of being those things. And that's definitely thin ice for me to be on.

Fortunately, the next thing that popped in my head was something that a good AA friend said at a meeting a couple of weeks ago: See the innocence. It's a simple statement, but it's given me a lot to chew on since I heard it. I'm trying to be more mindful of how quickly I make assumptions, jump to conclusions, and form opinions. Do I give people & circumstances the benefit of doubt, or am I all too often quick to judge?

So, I've been thinking about the connection between sarcasm & other such diverting "big talk" and how it's so often connected directly to our own insecurities, sense of vulnerability, or just personal unrest. I can definitely see that connection in my own life, particularly when I was in my active alcoholism. To "see the innocence" requires true self-confidence and courage. These are things important to me; today, I choose to see the innocence.

A work in progress...
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Now playing: wilco - what light

No fair?

What a beautiful weekend it's been! A bit warm today, but it's been great to be outside (no rain), and get some great runs & rides under my belt.

Alas, I never did get to "The Fair", but there's always next year. I just didn't feel a draw to go this year. I'm not craving any stick food, and nothing else was compelling enough for me to make the effort. No regrets, though - I'll just live the experience vicariously through others!

Happy Labor Day to all!
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Now playing: willie nelson - bring me sunshine

My name is Chris and...

I'm a 24 addict.

I'm not much of a TV watcher, but I started watching "24" this past season. I didn't catch all the episodes, but I definitely got hooked. I've done a few 12th-Step work outings lately together with the same fellow AA buddy, and it turns out that he's a "24" nut. He has the first few seasons on DVD, and he's lending them to me (I let him borrow my Band of Brothers in return). I'm only about halfway through Season One so far, and I'm lovin' it! And, yeah, yeah, I know - everyone keeps telling me it gets even better after Season One...

So that's my super exciting plan for tonight - cook up a tasty pasta dish, and curl up for a few discs -- errr, I mean episodes, of course! -- of "24". Heck, I went for a nice long run this afternoon, so I don't feel too guilty about being "loungey" tonight.

Wishing you all a great start to the weekend!

EDIT: And for the Chuck Norris fans, here's a new flight suit patch offering (this'll make more sense after reading the post comments)...

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Now playing: golden smog - another fine day

Lookin' around

I had a very enjoyable ride last night. I went to Salem Hills after my evening meeting, and it was a nice way to close out the day. Peaceful, quiet, and pleasantly uneventful.

The trail is in good shape, although there are some trees down here-and-there from the most recent storm. No biggie. On one rather twisty section, there was a larger tree down, and I had to get off the bike and climb through & around the carnage. I needed a break anyway, so I sat and rested a bit. It really was a very beautiful night.

It occurred to me, as I sat there drinking my water and sucking down an energy gel, that I kept primarily looking up at the trail ahead and to the sides of where I was. I hadn't looked back to where I had just come from. So I did. It immediately struck me as being somehow darker than everywhere else - in reality, this was just a coincidence of the trail itself - the previous section was a downhill switchback to where I currently was. I thought to myself, "Man, that would be quite a gnarly challenge to reverse & go back that way."

And that got me thinking - nothing like waxing philosophical out in the pitch-black woods, right? ;) ...The past being darker & difficult, the path ahead being "brighter" and easier to navigate - things along those lines. Then it occurred to me that I was starting to sound like Bob the junkie (Matt Dillon), in that scene from Drugstore Cowboy, describing his aversion to mirrors: "You never look at the backside of a mirror because when you do, it'll affect your future because you're looking at yourself backwards. ...No... You're looking at your inner self and you don't recognize it because you've never seen it before." Haha, yeah, maybe something like that, I guess! Sheesh, ya gotta marvel at the way we addicts' & alkies' minds work sometimes!

So, I laughed at myself, climbed back on my bike, and contentedly finished the lap with a grin on my face.

Happy trails & good dirt!
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Now playing: minor threat - look back and laugh

Resentments

Resentments are one cunning animal! As a recovering alcoholic, I must be extremely wary of resentments - harboring them is all too often the first step down that infamous "slippery slope".

Managing my own resentments can be difficult enough, but dealing with others' ongoing resentments towards me (and my past behaviors) is uniquely challenging. Often, these are manifested when I'm not expecting it or otherwise prepared, but I must always tread carefully in response.

When I was in my active addiction, I did hurtful & selfish things to other people - including people I loved and cared for deeply. Many things I'm greatly ashamed of, to say the least. While I'm not going to post my own entire 4th Step Inventory here on my blog for all to see (that wouldn't be proper), I am fully prepared to disclose & discuss those things with the appropriate people at the appropriate time. This is a necessary consequence (if you will) of my past, and an important part of my ongoing recovery is to not close the door on any of that, and to live today honestly, openly, and unselfishly.

I must never forget that I can't control others' actions - all I can do is carefully temper my own reactions, and humbly tend to my own life & recovery. Thank goodness for The Serenity Prayer!

A work in progress...
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Now playing: U2 - grace

Ugh.

One example of why I would never be able to deal with models. And why America desperately needs more good teachers!
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Now playing: nada surf - popular

"I'm... so... scared..."

I have done a few night rides now with my new bike light, and it's been a blast! It's really bright; a huge improvement over the weak-sauce light I bought many years ago. I only rode in the woods once with that older light, and that experience kept me off the trails at night until recently.

When I first bought that old light, I excitedly decided to try it out that very night. This was when I lived in Arkansas, and although I had several hard-core riding buddies, none of them had lights at the time. So, I headed off solo to the Camp Robinson trails (just north of Little Rock). I had planned to just ride on one or two of the easier, shorter loops to see how this whole night riding thing worked. Well, my new-found zeal soon emboldened me to continue into some of the deeper, more intermediate trails and all was going just fine. It was a moonless night, and the deeper trails at Camp Robinson really are out in the middle of nowhere, so it was a very peaceful and pleasantly surreal first-time night ride experience - right up until I suddenly flatted a tire...

Like my new light, I had this older light mounted on my helmet. I laid the bike down and proceeded to unpack my bag and ready the wheel for a tube swap. That's when I really noticed just how incredibly quiet that deeper section of the trails was. At first! Then the noises just seemed to steadily increase. Leaves rustling, sticks crunching, branches rubbing and snapping, etc. From all directions. I would hear something (close by?!?), and then swing my head up to look, and (of course) see nothing. Now, I must point out that this was about the time The Blair Witch Project was out, and I had seen it recently. And me nervously swinging that darn helmet light beam all around was reminding me of that movie more & more with each passing second. And the noises seemed to get closer each passing second. Somehow, despite my increasingly shaky hands, I managed to get the new tube on, and I raced back to my car faster than I have ever done before or since. I was so thoroughly freaked out by that experience that I have not biked any woods at night until now, so many years later...

So, it's been good to have some very positive night ride experiences lately. I still ride solo, which is kinda scary, but that's OK - it builds character, right? ;) I just ride at an nice-n-easy pace and don't do anything crazy. And riding Pookie (rigid singlespeed) helps keep my riding not too aggressive, so that's worked out well for starting out. That new light is very comforting in how bright it is. Much more confidence inspiring. However, no flats or mechanical issues on these last few rides, so I'm still not sure how I'll handle that whole scenario again... And let's hope that I don't have to find out anytime too soon!

Happy trails & good dirt!
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Now playing: cake - the distance

Q & A

I've been meaning to do something like this for a while now, and recently found a great list of questions on a fellow blogger's site (thanks J Willow & J Willow's mom!). I added a few other questions to the list she had. It's a hoss, so you may want to go to the bathroom first and grab a cuppa coffee before starting... Enjoy!

1.) Weddings or Tea Parties?
Tea parties, I guess. Neither is really my forte…

2.) Favorite Food?
Fave "fancy" food is fresh & well-prepared sushi. Fave "comfort" food is DiGiorno pizza.

3.) Favorite color for plates?
Haven't ever given it much thought. Jade maybe? Dunno…

4.) Favorite color for bedroom walls?
Slate or dark blue. Maybe a green. Or the right shade of grey. Heck, I'm open; it all depends on the lighting. Mine are white now, haha!

5.) Dining Style?
Informal, although I do try to remember to use utensils when in the presence of others

6.) Gas or electric stove?
Definitely prefer gas. Currently have electric though.

7.) What do I like to BBQ best?
No such skills myself, but well-prepared smoked pulled-pork is mighty tasty. And I don't usually "dig on swine" (as Jules would say).

8.) Meal I would make to impress a friend?
My lasagna went over pretty well recently. I'll stick with that one until I feel adventurous again.

9.) Favorite dessert?
Cheesecake. Yummy.

10.) Style refrigerator you prefer?
I like the ones with a water & ice thingee on the outside of the door. I'd like one of those someday…

11.) Gardening or cooking?
Cooking, I suppose. The lesser of two evils ;)

12.) What style car could someone say you are?
No idea. Hopefully, something dependable.

13.) What kind of animal would a friend say you are like?
Maybe a dog? Yeah, y'all have fun with that one!

14.) Favorite piece of jewelry?
My Swiss Army watch that my parents gave me as a college graduation present

15.) Favorite movie of all time?
Being There

16.) Favorite musical instrument?
Piano or saxophone, I like the sound of both. I don't play, of course. I myself am a black hole of musical talent.

17.) Favorite voice?
Carl Kasell from NPR. Garrison Keillor has a great voice too. Blossom Dearie, Sarah Vaughan, and Diana Krall for music.

18.) What words would you just love to hear to describe you?
Responsible. Kind. Patient. Knowledgeable. Considerate.

19.) Who would you just love to impress?
At the end of the day, just myself. When I'm concerned about impressing others, then something isn't right with my motivations or what I'm doing. If I do it "right" for myself, then the right people will be impressed as a matter of course.

20.) How would you want to do that in 10 words or less?
Maintain perspective & focus; do the next right thing

21.) If you had one thing to do over and could make it end differently what?
Nothing. I blogged about this a while back…

22.) If there was one age you loved being what was it?
I like where I'm at right now. Every day's a new adventure.

23.) How do you picture being 65 in 10 words or less?
Hard to catch ;)

24.) What country would you really like to spend 2 weeks in?
New Zealand. Haven't been there yet, but have heard many good things…

25.) What would you like to invent?
Ugh. I know I have something for this, but I can never remember these things when put on the spot…

26.) Favorite magazine?
National Geographic. Then Smithsonian and Outside.

27.) Cowboy on a horse or in a truck?
Errr, I don't dig on cowboys. "Not that there's anything wrong with that!", as Seinfeld would say…

28.) Are you afraid of thunder and lightening?
Not by themselves, but some of the other things they may be associated with can be scary.

29.) Favorite temperature?
Mid 60s

30.) Favorite vacation spot you have been already?
The North Shore in Minnesota

31.) Cheap vacation you liked?
Camping & canoeing on the Buffalo River in Arkansas

32.) Friend you want to do a road trip with?
C

33.) How would you change your looks for a new look?
I wouldn't; I'm quite happy with what I have =)

34.) Hair colors you have tried and liked?
None. I shaved my head once though.

35.) Contests you have won?
I just recently won a Picture Coloring contest at my apartment complex's "Resident Appreciation Week" shindig. Ha, those kids never had a chance! I keed, I keed… I won for the adult category, but I think I may have been the only entry. But, hey, it's a $15 gift certificate to Barnes & Noble – not too shabby!

36.) Home improvement projects you have done well?
I can hang pictures pretty well…

37.) Favorite antique?
My grandparents' dining room set; it's nothing fancy, but I'm lucky to have it

38.) Favorite children's book?
"Where The Sidewalk Ends" by Shel Silverstein

39.) If you wrote a book what would the subject be?
My life, and it would be one heckuva book.

40.) Who would you enjoy meeting again from your high school?
Bob

41.) What question do you need an answer to today?
That maddening "What would you like to invent?" question from earlier!!!

42.) If you could build something what would it be?
Another tree fort

43.) What is your most prized possession?
My bikes. Don't ask me to pick one, they're all listening right now…

44.) How many books have you read this year?
Too many to count. I love to read.

45.) Novels or nonfiction?
Both, but mostly novels

46.) Favorite author?
Augusten Burroughs, if I must right now name just one. There's something on every page of Magical Thinking that makes me laugh out loud.

47.) What art forms do you enjoy the most visually?
Mobiles. I love Calder's work.

48.) What nature walks do you remember?
Crosby Park in St Paul when I was little. Gooseberry Falls & the shorelines of Lake Superior.

49.) What museum would I most likely find you visiting?
Walker Art Center

50.) How many hours of sleep do you need?
Need? 3-4 Want? 7-8

51.) Are you a cuddler or a "don't touch me"?
Definitely depends who's asking! I think a cuddler though…

52.) Do you like to fly or ride trains?
Both. Trains can be a lot of fun. I guess it depends on how much of a hurry I'm in.

53.) What color do you like to wear to bed?
Whatever boxers I have on work just fine. I don't typically change for sleepy time, I just wear less.

54.) If you designed a hat what style would it be?
Something functional, I guess? I'm not really much of a hat person…

55.) Favorite number?
Pi. I was a math major, I'm allowed to be geeky once in a while.

56.) Do you know your bank balance?
Hecks yes

57.) Do you rectify your checkbook every month?
Weekly

58.) Prefer to bank online or use mail?
Online

59.) Favorite actress?
Uma Thurman

60.) Favorite actor?
Peter Sellers

61.) Do you respect one or both of your parents?
Both, absolutely.

62.) Can you speak to a crowd?
You betcha

63.) What would you like to tell the world?
Be generous with your time, resources, and love. Be willing to forgive yourself and others.

64.) Would you rather climb a mountain or go snorkeling?
Snorkel. It sounds less taxing right now.

65.) Sport you simply love?
Mountain biking

66.) Something you achieved that you are proud of?
Sobriety

67.) Favorite scripture passage?
Romans 13.8-14

68.) Favorite book of the Bible?
I can't honestly say I have one. Maybe Psalms?

69.) Marriage good or singledom good?
Singledom is perfectly fine & good for now; I look forward to marriage being very good if/when that time comes

70.) Best marriage you have seen?
My parents

71.) Have you been to a counselor?
Yes

72.) Do you think medications hold the answer to mental balance?
In some cases, absolutely; however, I do believe we are an alarmingly over-medicated society. Sadly, far too many people expect pills to "fix" problems that they lack the courage to ably deal with themselves.

73.) Do you fear doctors or dentists more?
Neither causes me fear

74.) If you could have perfect teeth in 5 years with braces or dental work would you do it?
No. I like my slightly bucked teeth just fine, thank you very much.

75.) What country would you live in besides the USA?
Canada, I guess. Maybe the UK.

76.) What field of work would you think you could succeed in besides what you now do?
Still exploring some of those options now. I think counseling at some point in the future; we'll see where that goes…

77.) Bounty hunter or Zoo-keeper?
Zoo-keeper. I'm not good with one-on-one, potentially violent confrontation. Well, with humans, I mean…

78.) Road construction or Librarian?
Librarian; I think that'd be pretty cool

79.) Chef or Museum Curate?
Museum Curate. Cheffin' definitely ain't my calling…

80.) Photographer or Postal worker?
Postal worker. No skills with a camera.

81.) Model or CPA?
CPA definitely. I'd shoot myself in short order if I had to put up with 1% of the hooey you see on "America's Next Top Model". Ugh. Numbers aren't needy or whiny. I can deal with numbers, even if they aren't terribly exciting.

82.) Actor or Fireman?
Fireman

83.) What are you hungry for right now?
Ice cream. I've been craving sweets lately.

84.) What are you wearing today?
T-shirt, cargo shorts, and Keen sandals - my standard summer outfit.

85.) Christmas or July 4th?
Christmas; I adore the Holiday season

86.) Do you have a tattoo?
Yes

87.) Do you want a (another) tattoo?
Someday yes, I think just one more. I have some ideas, we'll see…

88.) Do babies make you feel soft and warm or like running away?
I definitely like babies, but have no long-term experience with them. I guess the best way to put it is that they generate a nervous excitement for me.

89.) Do 5 year olds make you laugh?
Most of the time, yes. If they don't, then I boo & heckle.

90.) Are teens fun or challenging?
Both I'm sure, but I haven't had a lot of work with them directly.

91.) What facial expressions do you make when you think of kids?
Usually a smile ;)

92.) Are older folks interesting to you?
Yes, definitely. Experience is life's best teacher.

93.) Do nursing homes make you uncomfortable?
Most do. Some don't. It depends on the overall atmosphere; I know as soon as I walk in the door.

94.) Do you like to ham it up for the camera?
I'm often rather awkward when there's a camera out

95.) What city in the USA would you like to live in for one year?
Seattle or Portland maybe? Haven't though about it much. The Pacific Northwest is attractive, though.

96.) If money were no object would you stay where you are or move?
Move, but not too far. I'm pretty happy with the local area for now…

97.) Do you mind taking care of sick people on occasion?
No, if there is a need and I am able to help, I don't mind

98.) Can you handle a medical emergency?
Yes, for the most part. Although I'd have a really hard time sawing off my own arm like that one hiker had to do a while back, so I definitely have my limits.

99.) Are you cool under pressure or fall apart?
Cool. Plenty of experience there…

100.) Have you survived a disaster?
Yes, but everyone's concept of "disaster" is different

101.) If life full of joy or full of pain?
There are always some of both, but neither should be absolute or all consuming. Both are necessary for proper balance & perspective.

102.) Glass half full or half empty?
Half full

103.) Are you cool or hot?
Cool

104.) Do you want to be a hero?
I just want to do the next right thing with whatever's in front of me

105.) What is your favorite dog breed?
German Shepard. Labs are nice too. Larger breeds, that's for certain.

106.) Cat or dog?
Dog, definitely. Cats are only good for mousing.

107.) Diamonds or rubies?
Diamonds, I guess. Not really into that kind of bling, though.

108.) Hot dogs or corn dogs?
Corn dogs

109.) Chinese food or Italian?
Italian. Thai over Chinese for asian food.

110.) Cinderella or Tinkerbell?
Tink

111.) Where were you when 9/11 happened?
St John's, Newfoundland, Canada. Some of that story is in my "Past-Life Adventures" picture gallery. It was crazy, to say the least.

112.) Favorite body part?
Hands, they are pretty cool indeed

113.) Are you superstitious?
No

114.) Are you suspicious?
No, but I try to maintain a healthy skepticism when appropriate

115.) Do you notice details?
Yes, sometimes. How's that for an answer? ;)

116.) Favorite TV detective?
Chief Wiggum

117.) Favorite cartoon character?
Calvin

118.) Do you want a pool or a tennis court?
Neither; if I had that kind of spare space in my backyard, I'd put in a mountain bike pump track.

119.) Would you feed starving kids or help the humane society if you could?
Help feed the starving kids. Then teach them to be responsible pet owners.

120.) Do you fake bake, tan in the sun or avoid sun?
Avoid. Sheesh, I'm Irish and Norwegian - my only two color options are pale white and sunburned.

121.) Favorite part of the newspaper?
Editorials

122.) What book are you reading now?
The Divine Comedy - Vol II: Purgatory

123.) What's on your mouse pad?
No mouse - I like my trackball

124.) Favorite board game?
Trivial Pursuit? I haven't played a board game in a while…

125.) Favorite smells?
Outdoors, deep in the woods - that earthy, woodsy smell (especially after a rain!). And my bed after washing the sheets.

126.) Least favorite smells?
Paper-processing plants. Sulfur.

127.) Favorite sounds?
My bike shoe cleats clicking into my pedals, or that whoosh of powder spray on that first carve of a snowboard run. And the "Four Fans of Freedom"; I'll always love that sound :)

128.) Worst feeling in the world?
Failure of self

129.) What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
"What on earth was THAT dream all about?!?" I have some wild & crazy dreams, but I can't ever remember them once I'm fully awake.

130. Favorite color?
Earth tones & pastels. Yeah, that wasn't very helpful, I know…

131.) How many rings before you answer the phone?
Depends what Caller ID says!

132.) Future child's name?
Haven't given it any thought, but I don't have any "musts" here

133.) Chocolate or vanilla?
Vanilla

134.) Do you like to drive fast?
No. I'm getting old I guess. I can't say that I particularly "like" to drive at all.

135.) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
No

136.) What type was your first car?
'95 4-door Saturn SL2 sedan

137.) Meet one person dead or alive?
Bill W. (founder of AA)

138.) Favorite alcoholic drink?
None for me, thanks. I'm allergic.

139.) What is your zodiac sign?
Pisces. I only know that because Blogger automatically puts it in your blog profile. I'm not an astrology person; I leave that to the pros like Miss Cleo...

140.) Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
Yes. And the entire asparagus stalk, and peanuts & sunflower seeds whole (shell & all). Weird, eh?

141.) Do you type with your fingers on the correct keys?
No, I wish! I occasionally practice; I do actually have a typing program on my computer. I can hunt-and-peck like a champ, though…

142.) What's under your bed?
Storage bins containing extra bed linens and older clothes. Leave no room for monsters or any other ill-intentioned entities.
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Now playing: iggy pop - lust for life

Art time perk

"The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls." -- Pablo Picasso

I'm looking forward to seeing the Walker's exhibit on Picasso and American Art. My sister and I are planning to see it in the near future. It will also feature work from one of my very favorite 20th century artists: Roy Lichtenstein. I'm excited!

We went together to see the Calder (another fave!) exhibit at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts last year, and it was simply amazing. His work is awe-inspiring - that was an unbelievable collection...

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Now playing: the cure - just like heaven

The sky is falling!

There's a thread on MTBR.com discussing the merits of dusting bikes' inner tubes & tire casings with talcum powder, and someone pointed out that talc is (potentially?) a carcinogen-level substance.

Sheesh, whodda thunk it?!? And here I am, a big fan of said talcin' technique for my rubbery bits... Stuff like this makes me wonder if I should be amazed that I'm not yet six feet under, or even just growing a pinky toe out of the middle of my forehead. Apparently, I live quite dangerously (albeit largely obliviously)! I think I like it that way - I'm not ready for the bubble just yet ;)

Stay safe out there, kiddos!
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Now playing: filter - hey man nice shot

Slow yo' roll...

"Pray for powers equal to your tasks" -- Phillips Brooks

I very much like this quote. It reminds me not to overextend myself, and to choose my "battles" wisely & humbly. Most often, it is my pride which causes me to overfill my own plate. Because my energy & powers are only finite, some task more important & pertinent suffers due attention when I choose to indulge my pride or any other selfish motive. I must be wary to not squander my gifts in this manner.

A work in progress...
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Now playing: yo-yo ma & the silk road ensemble - distant green valley

Note to self...

A long run on days like this is overly masochistic. This is August, right?!? Brrr! If anybody needs me, I'll be recovering in a steamy bubble bath for the next 6-9 hours...
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Now playing: goldfrapp - strict machine

Contentment

'Twas a most pleasant evening. Good company, good food, and good times. And simple. Simple is good.

And as usual, we had too much food, but that's OK - I'm all about leftovers ;)

This MN weather is a trip, ain't it? I like it though; it's a welcome respite from the heat and we need the rain. It makes me excited for the upcoming fall - my favorite season by far...

Tonight, I'm grateful for my loving & very definitely singular family!
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Now playing: nina simone - feeling good

Pookie lives!

And even Munch's screamer is stoked on the glad tidings.

Pook's hoops arrived on schedule today, and I got 'er all built up this evening (some pics now posted in her gallery). I didn't have a chance to do anything aside from riding around the block a few times to test the brakes out, so I'm excited to get Pooker back in some good dirt ASAPly.

However, I'll be busy with other stuff tomorrow (hosting a lasagna dinner - wish me luck!), and it also sounds like rain is definitely enroute. So it goes - I'll get on the trails again soon enough, and will just have to be patient until then...

Happy trails & good dirt!
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Now playing: electronic - feel every beat

Workin' it...

Such pesky things, these "character defects" I have are! In my 12x12 meeting last week, we discussed Step 6 - "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character". Readiness & willingness are the keys to this Step. Now fast-forward to tonight's meeting on Step 7 - "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings". Humility is the watchword of this Step.

But can I really expect my Higher Power to actually remove ALL of my shortcomings? Like many AAs, I have been blessed that God has removed entirely my obsession to drink - I do consider that to be a true miracle. But I can't reasonably expect God to remove my other character defects in this same flash-bang miraculous manner. My willingness from Step 6, combined with my humility from Step 7 prepares me to address my character defects. This work is up to me. I cannot simply "pray away" these shortcomings, nor is just "turning them over to God" going to cut it. God can & will assist me to the extent that I am ready to work humbly on this ongoing task - after all, I am only human, and thus will always have some character defects (progress, not perfection!). But I must remain honestly aware of them and tenacious in my efforts to remove them; God can provide me the strength to do that. In the 12x12 (p76), we are reminded that "The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear--primarily fear that we would lose something we possessed or would fail to get something we demanded." Ain't that the truth! For me, it certainly does ALL go back to self-centered fear. Fear of change, fear of failure, fear of inadequacy, the list goes on & on...

One tool I've found helpful when I am in such a position of weakness (invariably by my own placing!) is to focus on an attitude of gratitude. That is, to reflect on the things I am grateful for. This never fails to be instantly humbling for me, and always "resets" my outlook to a much healthier one. From this position of humbled strength, I can take positive action.

Over time, my honest work at this process turns from concerted effort to genuine change. And thus, some of my character defects will be entirely removed. I've certainly seen indisputable progress of this in my life, and that is something I am grateful for - it gives me strength needed to continue on this journey!

A work in progress...
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Now playing: iron & wine - freedom hangs like heaven