Whatcha gonna do?
Life is full of difficult decisions, and as painful as they are to sometimes face, we would be cheated of untold potential for self-discovery & growth without the opportunity to deal squarely with them.
These circumstances are often made easier when we seek & find the support of those who care about us and our best interests. Many of us are blessed to have family and dear friends who can help guide us through life's scarier passes. Their experience and trusted advice is almost certainly welcome and sound. However, what is one to do when that is not in concert with your own views, thoughts, and feelings? How do you then balance other people's influence & advice in determining what's best? The inevitably resulting doubt can be all-consuming...
The bottom line is that - at the end of the day - we must be at peace with ourselves. How is this done? For me, difficult decisions require that I make as honest & objective assessment of the circumstance as possible. Weigh the pros & cons. Acknowledge and understand the risks involved. After all, there is almost certainly always a risk of getting 'hurt' in one form or another. Do I have as clear of an understanding of as many of those risks as I can possibly identify?
It is commonly at this point where we seek the advice & guidance of others who we trust. And what if we find their guidance to be uncharacteristically conflicting with our own feelings, then what? This is a troubling spot to be in! Is the 'problem' with them, or with us? Are we truly willing to listen to their concerns & perspectives? If not, why? If yes, then what is the 'sticking point'? What is uncharacteristic this time?
Faced with this, it is my experience that someone is not being completely forthright. Maybe it's me, maybe it's them. If it's them, then call them on it. How honest can the discussion get, not only about your own motivations, but theirs as well? Even the people we trust most can make mistakes and be selfish in their motivations. They may not even realize they are doing it, most often under the banner of 'protecting' us. Unfortunately, there may be rare times when they know full well the influence they have with us, and they use it inappropriately.
But what if the issue is with us? Are we being forthright with both ourselves and others about our motivations and the circumstance as a whole? Are we turning a blind eye to something daunting, or choosing inaction because it seems somehow easier or safer for us to do that? Or, similarly, are we trying to control the outcome of something that truly is beyond our control? If so, we are only cheating ourselves. Even if just a fleeting glimpse, we can almost certainly identify when we are doing these things. Do we then take brave right action, even when that seems terribly difficult and scary?
I strive to be at peace with my circumstances each & every day. When I am not going to bed with a relatively quiet mind & clear conscience, then I am obviously not at peace with something. Am I worried about what I will be doing for a job in 5-10 years? Am I worried where a current relationship will be in a year? Am I worried about the direction that [fill in the blank] is going? I find that I only worry about the future of things when I am at unrest with their current state. Am I willing to recognize that I have choices and options today - here & now - to take right action in order to bring me greater serenity? When I am discontented about a circumstance today, then of course projecting it anywhere in the future will be disparaging! So, why not establish ownership and responsibility by taking right & positive action now to mitigate the discord? Sound like a tall order?
0 of y'all tellin' it like it is:
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Write on!