Surrender

In my military career, I was fortunate to have several training experiences that pushed me to my psychological and physical limits. This was both intentional & necessary - it was imperative that we learn what these limits were, so that we could recognize when we were approaching them in a real-world situation. Pilot Training, Resistance Training (POW simulation), and Weapons School all pushed me harder in terms of mental and physical stress & endurance than anything I'd experienced previously. In those training environments, I witnessed strong, able, & confident people hit their wall and break down - either psychologically, physically, or both. Some were able to recover & continue, and some were not.

Again, the point was to discover what we were made of, and to determine if we would be able to handle the very unique challenges that military aviation presents. At stake was something much more than a "pass/fail" grade - it was an opportunity to really look inside yourself and discover what was really there. Nothing else in my life had previously come remotely close to testing me like these experiences did.

However, the biggest test I have faced in my life is my alcoholism. Here, my insidious psychological and physical breakdown was very real, and it was life-threatening. Faced with the reality of the grave nature of my disease, I didn't know if I was brave enough to deal with it. Suicide was something I seriously considered more than once. However, by the grace of God and the fellowship of AA I have found the path to recovery - and thus a full, rich, and sincerely happy life. Like my military peers who struggled in training, I have witnessed many of my peers in addiction not "make it" - however, here the stakes are clearly much higher. In every regard, I am blessed and fortunate to be where I am today - I am a stronger & better person than ever before.

Is there a connection between what I learned from my military experiences and what I've gone through in my recovery journey? Absolutely!

It's surrender. Surrender ego and self-will. Surrender to letting go.

In this context, surrender does not imply self-defeat. Rather, it implies a brave willingness to humbly & honestly understand the circumstance, so that right action can be taken.

Why then is this form of surrender so often difficult to accept and put into everyday practice?

A work in progress...
----------------
Now playing: jane's addiction - ocean size