I am going to take a break from blogging for while. When I move, I'll send out updated contact info to friends and family, so please watch your inboxes for that. Thanks, and take care...
To thine own self be true
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Now playing: ella fitzgerald - goodnight my love
Reading over my recent posts, I've been rather unhappy with my weekday mileage. And that's true - it's not where I want it to be. And, as much as I'd like to improve it, I now face a very busy month or so ahead with the upcoming move.
So, I'll do the best I can in the meantime. The long-distance Saturday runs have been going well. It was just 2 of us from the group this past Saturday, but we did 14 miles around The Lakes - not too shabby. We later found out that a certain savvy someone did 14.5 miles on Saturday while she was out-of-town. Show-off ;-) All 4 of us from the group should be in town for this coming Saturday's adventure, so that'll be nice.
I'm getting excited for the move, but not so much about the packing. Yeah, not so much that. On the bright side, the timing of everything is working out just about perfectly. I'll have time after closing to get some interior painting, cleaning, and other prettying up done before needing to move anything over. Now, just gotta figure out how to fit some good runs in - the TCM will be here before I know it!
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Now playing: roger miller - king of the road
Today, I found out that I cleared the last big hurdle enroute to the closing table... The VA assessor signed off on my house with no work-order requirements, so it finally looks like everything is a GO...
Earlier this week, I learned that my loan package had been endorsed by the underwriter, so it nice to know that the money is all set. I'm very grateful that I was able to lock in my 5.99% interest rate before those starting climbing again recently.
Although I won't really celebrate until I'm walking away from the closing table with keys in hand, it's starting to look like I'm going to be a new homeowner in just under 3 weeks from now. :-)
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Now playing: lyrics born - stay loose (jimmy smith)
I apologize for the lack of updates recently; I've just been busy. And there's really nothing much new or exciting to report right now. Hoping to have more news on the house later this week.
Running is going well - my weekday mileage still isn't consistently where I want it to be, but I'm finishing our Saturday long-distance runs just fine, so that's good. We did 13.5 miles all around "The Lakes" here in Minneapolis yesterday, and I feel great today. So, until this house ordeal is over, I'll just have to be happy with current efforts.
Otherwise, life is going great - this has certainly been a wonderful and blessed spring & summer thus far!
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Now playing: cassandra wilson - the good life
I hope everyone had a safe and relaxing holiday weekend!
Mine has been great - fun get-togethers with new friends, nice fireworks shows to celebrate the 4th, a Sunday afternoon flea-market adventure, and still time to catch up on things around the house.
I'm excited to have a very promising new house-hunting development, but I'll hold off on more details until later this week. House-hunting has overall been an interesting learning experience for me. I've certainly learned a lot about the real-estate and home-ownership processes, but it's also taught me a lot about myself - my motivations, my capabilities, my likes/dislikes, my goals, etc. Good stuff - not always easy things to tackle or figure out, but definitely good for me to face squarely.
My running schedule is still not close to being back where I want it to be, but hopefully, I get squared away this upcoming week. That's the plan anyway ;-)
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Now playing: the orb - little fluffy clouds
In some ways, two years ago seems so incredibly long ago, and in other ways, it seems like yesterday. Two years ago, it was impossible for me to imagine that my life would be as rich & blessed as it is today - I am humbled and very grateful.
One day at a time. That's how I got here, and that's how I plan to move forward.
A work in progress...
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Now playing: thievery corporation - un simple histoire (a simple story)
The hunt continues. Nothing very interesting to report as of now; I'll be back out looking at properties again tomorrow evening.
I was far too optimistic with my initial forecast of how quickly I would find a place. I'm learning that my experience thus far (a few early strikes) is completely par for the course, and that I shouldn't be at all discouraged. The biggest concern of mine recently is what I would do when my current apartment lease ends and I still have no house lined up. However, I am happy to report today that I have made arrangements that give me welcome additional breathing room. I am hugely relieved, and I am confident that I'll find my own wonderful home soon!
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Now playing: diana krall - let's face the music and dance
Well, I'm sure you've all correctly concluded from my lack of postings that the previously discussed house deal fell through. The seller's bank became completely unresponsive once they accepted my offer, and we finally just chose to walk away from the whole thing as a result. Oh well. It wasn't meant to be, and that just means a better, sweeter deal is out there for me. I looked at more properties today, and found some promising leads. I'll keep this one under wraps until it's closer to a done deal ;-)
Running suffered this week as a result of my on-again-off-again house scrambling, but that was completely expected. I'll get back into the swing of things again here soon, and get caught back up in training just fine.
Otherwise, it's a bee-yoo-tee-ful weekend - I'm blessed to spend it with family and friends. Life is great!
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Now playing: eclipse - movin' nicely (the modern jazz quartet)
Replacing a blown tube on Ubu is a PITA, thanks to her particularly finicky cup-and-cone hubs.
Oh well - at least it wasn't the rear wheel. After some maddening past wrenching experiments back there, I just don't have the patience to take that Rubik's Cube apart anymore. Drivetrain issues or anything that involves the removal of Ubu's rear wheel is the only thing I'll make a trip to the local bike shop for these days. On the plus side, Ubu's kevlar tires are still holding up like a champ - the tube leak was on a seam near the valve, so after a quick patch job, we're good as new!
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Now playing: limp bizkit - rollin'
The big hurdle was cleared earlier this week - the seller's bank accepted my offer. And that was certainly great news! However, in their acceptance documentation, they unexpectedly specified a closing date a little under two weeks sooner than I can be ready for. The mortgage assistance program I am taking advantage of has a 35-day processing period from offer acceptance, so that is the long pole in the tent. My excellent johnny-on-the-spot loan officer is ram-jamming the paperwork through the system as fast as possible, but we are still waiting for a written sign-off from the seller's bank regarding the closing date before we press ahead with our inspection, etc.
I was hoping to have word by today, but no joy. Meh. I suppose no news is good news for the time being - I just have to be patient. My realtor (another rock star!) is aggressively doing his best to negotiate the push, and I'm confident we'll have word by early next week. We don't see why the bank would have an issue with the slightly later date, but stranger things have happened. So, I'm not getting too excited just yet - we still have a ways to go. Even if the bank signs off on the closing date, I'll still have to see my inspector's results before I decide to keep moving forward on this one. Regardless of how this one turns out, it's definitely a great learning experience!
Off to bed for now - my busy weekend starts early tomorrow morning with a 10-miler. Burn, baby, burn!
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Now playing: fugazi - waiting room
Ugh. I've been a bad blogger again lately. Lots going on, but not really much exciting or definite to report on right now...
Marathon update: As anticipated, my plans to maintain an aggressive training plan with morning runs is suffering due to the house hunt. I haven't stopped my training, but it's slowed down again in the last couple of weeks as the house-hunting efforts have intensified. It's just one more give-and-take with my available time, and I just have to keep doing the best that I can. I did 10 miles on Saturday, and I'm feeling fine overall today, so that's a good sign! My savvy friend has been training this season with a couple of her friends - they have been doing longer distance runs on Saturday mornings, and I'm going to start running those weekly with them. Running those longer distances with a group is definitely helpful - I'm very grateful they have welcomed me into their training circle! This week, I did an 'expert' shoe-fitting and got some excellent overall running shoe advice from Run N Fun. That simple effort was long overdue - I'm very happy with this new pair of shoes I scored, and the confidence gained from making a well-informed decision is definitely reassuring.
House update: I have made my first offer on a house this past week, but it's a "short sale" situation, so that adds some additional hurdles to get over. Ultimately, the offer has to be approved by the seller's bank, and it could take a while to get a response. So far, so good... I really like the house, but I'm not getting my hopes up at all - if it's meant to be, then it'll work out. If not, then c'est la vie... In the meantime, I'm still planning to get out with my realtor this week to look at more listings.
Hair update: I went to get the mop cleaned up a couple of weeks ago, and they ended up taking off more than I intended. When asked where I went to get it done, my response was received with a tsk-tsk. Apparently, I should start going to a "real" stylist in order to properly maintain the longer hair & curls. When I though about it, that does make sense, so that's what I'll do next time. As I've mentioned before, I know my hairline is making a steady retreat, so I want to make the best of it while I can!
Overall, my previously very quiet social life has blossomed this spring into a lot of new activities & obligations - and that's a wonderful thing! I am--of course!--very happy about that, but definitely requires me to budget my available time more carefully. Gone are the days of having plenty of "me time", but I much prefer it this way ;-) Things will settle back down significantly when this house-buying adventure concludes one way or another, but I know that point is still a long way off.
I'll post up again when I have more news; until then, thanks for putting up with my blogging slow-roll!
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Now playing: jane's addiction - the riches
Particularly excellent AA meeting tonight!
One friend who I first met while doing my out-patient treatment at Hazelden celebrated his '3 years' tonight - what an inspirational transformation & journey he's had in those 3 years! He truly lives The AA Program earnestly, and has long been a shining example to me of the success that humble & sincere effort will bring. It was great to see him tonight and celebrate his 3 years!
Another long-time friend from my Thursday night group has recently started to attend the meeting once again after having been away for quite some time. It turns out he suffered a relapse during that time - but he is now back with renewed humility and determination, and he announced tonight that he was celebrating his '32 days'. Again, it was wonderful to be there and commemorate that with him - he's a fantastic guy, and it's great to see him back on the beam!
Sobriety anniversaries, both big & small, are great things to celebrate in recovery meetings - the experience, strength, and hope shared by those who are marking an anniversary always leave me with an astute takeaway - whether it's the insight of someone celebrating just 24 hours, or someone celebrating 35 years. All good things!
Tonight, we covered Step 11 - "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out"
This Step always reminds me of a favorite quote:
"Do not pray for easy lives, rather pray to be stronger men! Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers, rather pray for powers equal to your tasks." -- Phillips Brooks
Or, as my Mom once told me, "God will not test you beyond your capabilities." Sometimes, that can be very hard to believe! But I must believe it; I cannot persist and grow if I do not accept that truth. And the strength to do that can only come from a sincere spirituality and complete trust in God's will.
This week has seen some challenges for me that definitely relate to Step 11. Even something as 'small' as my whole house-buying effort - I must be careful not to get headstrong or greedy or too self-reliant as I move forward in this process.
But perhaps more tangibly, I've recently had an unwelcome intrusion into my personal circumstances. The details are unimportant, but what I learned from that was echoed thoughtfully in tonight's reading and discussions.
My first reaction was this recent challenge was to explain, explain, explain, and even blame, blame, blame... But that's not the right answer - that's my EGO (Edging God Out) trying to steer the course. Sure, some explanation was necessary to work through it all; but ultimately, I knew the true answer was that key to both my sobriety & peacefulness: Acceptance.
And acceptance ain't always easy, but I've found these three things help me get there...
1.) be sincerely present
2.) be willing to do the next right thing, and take positive action
3.) be truthfully and humbly accountable
When I can accept, I know I have the capability to persevere, and remain spiritually & emotionally healthy. This foundation gives me the strength to not succumb to blinding emotion inevitably resulting in debilitating inaction, or selfish & misguided maneuvering. I have, can, and still do suffer from all of those things at times - I am still only human, after all! But acceptance not only allows me to more often prevent that, but also to then recover from my missteps in a responsible manner when they occur.
This recent challenge could well have resulted in a disparaging loss for me, and I immediately prepared myself for that possibility by accepting that God's will be done, not mine. I don't know how many times I said both that phrase and The Serenity Prayer to myself that evening, but it was a lot!
Even if things hadn't ended up working out so well, I still would've trusted & accepted that it was God's will for this situation - even though it would have been very difficult (to say the least!). One thing is for certain - I would've been on the phone with my sponsor about the whole thing a heckuva lot more than I have been! ;-)
So, as I blogged about a while ago, acceptance truly is the answer - especially when things aren't as we would desire!
A work in progress...
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Now playing: big drill car - a take away
I've decided to finance with another lender (sorry USAA!), and had a meeting with my loan officer this morning to go over & sign all of the papers, and crunch "the numbers" for houses in the areas I'm interested in - and it all looks good-to-go! I'm cleared for the loan amount that I was looking to get, and the monthly payments look like they'll work out just fine. Best of all, I'll need no down payment! Between me putting cash up for earnest money and tax payments prior to close, it looks like I'll actually walk away from the closing table with a nice-sized check for myself - pretty sweet deal!
I had to finance with a "local" lender in order to qualify for the City Living program (score!), and between that program and my VA loan, it's nice not to have any worries about fronting a big down payment - I'm very excited that all of this is working out so well!
Next week, I'll be going out to look at houses at least two evenings during the week, and I'm now completely ready to confidently start making offers - how cool is that?
Time to start pouring through the listings in earnest again...
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Now playing: the church - metropolis
I've had an absolutely fantastic weekend! I got in some great long-distance runs, and I'm blessed to have been able to spend much of the weekend with a certain savvy someone who's become very special & dear to me. I met & spent time with some terrific folks who are close friends of hers, and I was honored to have that privilege - I know that's not an easy or comfortable step in a new relationship. And I'm very grateful to her for that! Life truly is good...
And I'm also grateful that she had cold, hard cash for our lovely Grand Old Day adventure! ;-) Note to self: Visa is not everywhere I want it to be.
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Now playing: sarah vaughan - fever
I started this blog primarily to document my Recovery experience, both good & bad. It has been a therapeutic way for me to share insight into this epic journey of mine with family & friends by providing a convenient way for me to express things that I may not be ready or willing to talk directly about for whatever reason.
And, hopefully for others, it has been an effective advocation for the miraculous capacity of the 12-Step recovery program by sharing my own experience, strength, and hope.
Over time, my blog has grown into a place to share all sorts of things about me. Because of my success in recovery, The Promises of AA are all steadily coming true, and I am genuinely gaining back my life (on life's terms!) - an unbelievably fantastic & exciting new version of it.
At different points, I've considered restricting access to my blog, or starting a new blog for various different things, but I've always finally decided that this blog must stay public, open, and available to all. If I'm not comfortable sharing what I have share with everyone & anyone, then that hints at some personal unrest or paranoia, and those aren't healthy things for me to enable or foster.
Sure, there are occasionally some topics that I'd initially love to blog (i.e. vent) about, but in the end, those wouldn't be productive or healthy things for me to highlight or dwell on anyway. Recovery has taught me the value of letting go and personal housecleaning & mindfulness, so harboring or validating any feelings which breed a sense of unrest or resentment for me is very counter-productive. In that sense then, this blog also provides me a very tangible reality check whenever I sit down to post.
So, any & all will always be welcome here to my blog - I hope that you find overall my experiences shared here a hopeful & bright testament to the miracle of Recovery.
I still am (and always will be!) far from perfect, and I certainly make mistakes as I move forward; but today, I am willing, able, and strong. Just two short years ago, I was none of those things. By the grace of God, I will continue sincere & humble effort in strengthening and nurturing my Recovery journey - after all, it's one I will be on for the rest of my natural life ;-) Thanks for stopping by - enjoy!
A work in progress...
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Now playing: nina simone - feeling good
I've been applying my springtime theme, and many good things are happening!
One of them is that I signed up for the 2008 Twin Cities Marathon a while back. I was trying to keep it a secret for a couple of reasons…
One, if it looked like it may actually work out, I wanted it to be a surprise for a certain savvy someone. However, that was getting hard to do. I need to let family & friends know about my plans so that they understand that my training is a priority for me, and that it takes up a lot of my time & attention - trying to keep 'the plan' under wraps wasn't panning out well.
Two, back to that whole "if it looked like it was going to work out…" thing… I'll be honest - I'm still not really sure yet. Even if this whole house-buying ordeal doesn't work out, I'll probably still be moving this summer, so I'm going to have a lot on my plate! Plus, I have not thus far been training particularly hard at all - but that part has changed in the last couple of weeks…
So, the training thing: I've changed my hours at work to accommodate running in the mornings. I now have plenty of time to get in a long run every morning. That significantly frees up my evenings for other things - house-hunting, having a life, and cross-training (i.e. mountain biking!). Right now I'm logging mid-30s for weekly mileage, and am planning on bumping that up to mid-40s starting next week, then going up from there.
Who knows if it'll all end up working out. But I know this: I've talked a lotta smack about doing another marathon ever since my last one, and it's all just been "Well, yeah, definitely someday… next year for sure, I think…" After discussing this possibility with my savvy running role model one evening a while back, I decided that unless I actually sign up for one, I know I'll never get serious about really doing the preparation. And The Good Lord knows that I'm never short on excuses – heck, don't forget that I'm an alcoholic - I'm pretty good at finding excuses! ;-)
I'd already promised my friend that I'd assist & participate in her training for the marathon – and when I really thought about it after speaking with her that night, I said to myself, "What the heck are you waiting for? Sure, it'll never be a 'good time', but these are darn favorable circumstances!" And, lo & behold, slots were still available when I then checked online, so I signed up.
And if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. Even if I don't end up running it for whatever reason, I'm still going to do great things for myself by doing the prep work – and that's definitely worth it!
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Now playing: moby - run on
1.) My hair is getting pretty darn gnarly. I'm liking it! The curls are most definitely back. I was going to get a clean-up trim this weekend, but I decided that I'm just going to let it go nuts. Well, that is until I'm advised that it should get cut ;-) The only thing that bugs me is that it turns into a rather crazy looking wind-blown afro (eerily similar to that Facebook ad I posted previously!) when I'm out running sans product, but oh well...
2.) This thing - it may look dorky, but it's pure genius!
3.) Windoze = evil. Macs rule.
That is all. Carry on.
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Now playing: guy's band - random jam
Busy work week ahead. I'm going to pursue the City Living program for possible mortgage grant assistance, and will be attending a 9-hour seminar this week in the evenings as prerequisite for that program. Ugh, this is going to be a verrry long week - I'm so grateful that it'll only be 4 days! Between the early morning runs and go-go-go late evenings, I'm going to have to be very careful to stay well-rested, properly fed, and well-hydrated. Something tells me that I'm going to have a pretty busy weekend too ;-)
I'll have more news later this week...
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Now playing: republica - ready to go
I don't get Facebook.
I've never really understood the allure of online social networking sites ala MySpace and Facebook, but I figured I'd take the plunge and throw together a Facebook profile. I thought perhaps my eyes would finally be opened to whatever the draw was. After several months now, my 'friends' number a whopping 3. I'm not quite sure what to make of that...
Truth be told, I expected to find many more folks I know out there, but I haven't. The 3 friends I have know all approached me, which was great - it's wonderful to be back in touch with those guys. But for the ones I have gone in search of since, I'm not sure how I feel about this whole 'friend' procedure - the power to control the establishment & status of a 'friendship' in such a public and potentially abrupt on-or-off way seems almost high-school-ish to me. But I guess that's how it has to be - I don't have any better ideas, or I'd be a young bazillionaire thanks to my own new uber-popular social-networking site concept.
This Facebook/MySpace concept of 'friendship' is a rather strange new twist on the concept of friendship as I have always understood it. Meh. Add that to the long list of things that I don't get. I guess that's all part of getting old and lame. Oh well. I'll leave my profile up, and see who stops by. You never know.
And, in conclusion, I'd like to share this gem of an advert I found on my Facebook page today:
Does Facebook really know that I'm balding? Apparently so. Well, this miraculous product seems to not only cure baldness, but it also somehow makes you look like Prince Harry stylin' a sweet Napoleon Dynamite afro, even if you didn't look anything at all like him before. Powerful stuff!
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Now playing: garbage - i think i'm paranoid
I'm still just at the stage of going through my realtor's daily emails which detail qualifying listings, but the internet certainly is a very helpful way to 'shop' until I have time to f2f with my realtor.
My sister B told me the other night that she knew right away when she first saw the houses that she ended up buying, and I'm hoping to have a similar 'love at first sight moment' too. There is one great listing in today's email that definitely piques my interest, although the price is currently outside of what I'd like to be considering. I'm going to do a drive-by this weekend of it, and then talk to my realtor about that one for sure. Since it's a new listing, I'm hoping the price will come down some, and then... who knows? We'll see. I must admit that it definitely gets bonus points for being close to my savvy new lady friend ;-) Her neighborhood is one of the areas I'm shopping in - I like it.
No matter how much I end up liking a place, I gotta stay smart and not get in over my head with anything. That's just something I need to keep reminding myself, since I know temptation will be great and that I'm all too capable of championing implausible self-serving rationalizations (a well-honed aptitude of any alcoholic!!)
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Now playing: soul asylum - brand new shine
