Happy Leap Day!

Dig it. Now you too can win friends, influence people, and woo hot chicks (or dudes) with your vastly impressive Leap Year & Leap Day smarts. You can thank me later.
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Now playing: peter bjorn and john - young folks

Fixer-upper-er

We have a few new folks starting at work lately, and it's always interesting (even exciting, perhaps?) to have someone new around. 'Around' could mean work, a social group, or even family. Or it could mean a new twist on an existing relationship - a platonic friendship turning into something more, for example. In all these cases, we have an opportunity to introduce ourselves anew (completely or dimensionally) to that person, and we make a fundamental choice about how and how much of ourselves we share in this new relationship.

Clearly, much of that follows certain established societal norms for each of those relationship examples I mentioned earlier. Crossing over any of those norms risks being labeled as 'creepy', 'odd', 'desperate', 'just ain't right', or worse! And, perhaps through learning some of those lessons the hard way and/or otherwise being hurt as a result, we can become wary of how much we are willing to share or give of ourselves, especially early on.

There's a fostering part of me that wants to always see people in new situations succeed. Perhaps it's the struggling newcomer at an AA meeting. Maybe it's a friend who is going through a troubling life experience. Maybe it's the new person at work walking around with the deer-in-the-headlights look. Two things have influenced this "I'll get this all fixed up!" nature in me: My experience as an instructor pilot, and my experience in recovery. I fully admit it: I love being the person present & responsible for someone else's 'Eureka!' moment. It's a great feeling, isn't it?!? But it's a fine line between being overly sheltering & directive, and allowing the other person to discover their own place in the relationship & environment - that's the crux!

There are two tools that I've found helpful (when I remember to use them, haha!). The first, I blogged about a while ago. The second is another sharing tool that I learned in recovery. A fundamental recovery tenet is to avoid telling someone what to do, how to act, etc. It's simply not our place, and none of us like being on the other end of that; rather, we should share our experience, strength, and hope with the person, and allow them to process that information themselves in order to decide their own place or course of action. This is accomplished by avoiding statements like "You should (not)..." Rather, discuss the issue from the perspective of your own personal experience, like this: "When I was in that spot, I did/said ... and it worked well for me (or) what I wish I had instead done/said was ..." It's a subtle variation to humbly proffer insight & direction to others without being overbearing or coming off as high-handed.

That all sounds pretty simple, right? Not so much! Why is that so hard to do sometimes?!? Ego, baby, E-G-O! Well, that's the reason for me; I like to think that I'm a pretty smart dude, and I can be darn smug about it sometimes ;) Now that is most definitely...

A work in progress...
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Now playing: red hot chili peppers - me & my friends

Chill out

Good night at yoga, and I needed it!

I'm slowly starting to hold poses better now. Starting out, I was shocked at how difficult holding (what appear to be very simple) poses can be! I'm amazed at the direct link yoga reveals between our mental & physical serenity. When I can slow down my thoughts and focus them on my own peacefulness & well-being, then my muscles shake less, I inherently relax more gracefully, and the poses become fluid instead of an uncomfortable & unintuitive struggle. Much like recovery, it's about progress, not perfection. Each yoga session has new challenges for me, and that's driven primarily by the mental state I walk in the door with. It's incredible to see how my body reacts in kind to my relaxing mind - good stuff!
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Now playing: dj shadow - midnight in a perfect world

Meh.

It was such a beautiful day, and after having some good runs in the last couple of weeks, I was psyched for a great run today. But, I had a very blech run. Whenever I start to ramp back up in the spring, I go through a period of just having some miserable runs once in a while. It's just the curve of getting back into the outdoor running routine.

I mentioned in a previous post that I don't bike in the winter. I do occasionally run in the winter, but nothing regularly. Truth be told, I just put up with packing on up to 5 lbs (not more!) of winter weight, and then I lose it in the spring when I can run & ride routinely again. So, that annual push in the spring to get my legs & lungs back is always a bumpy start. Today was just one of those days. No rhythm, no stride, no lungs, but plenty of tightness and side-aches. Oh well, I'll keep pluggin' away at it this week; it'll be fine. I'm definitely looking forward to yoga on Weds!

Break, break - new topic: My hair. It's coming along pretty well; the curls are starting to show. Most days I'm liking it, but some days I just want to cut it all off. I got a quick blend & trim on it today just to clean it up a little; that makes feel better about it for whatever reason. Press on...
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Now playing: moby - run on

Slacker!

Yes, I've been a rather lazy blogger again lately. Recap time. This week, I ...

... am still hating this bitter cold. Ugh. Bring spring. ASAP please.

... went to another home buying seminar. Not as comprehensive or informative as the previous one I attended, but still helpful. I've now got a good wealth of resources & info to look hard at whether or not this will be a good time for me to buy. My primary concern is that the ever-worsening credit crunch is going to make for some very wary lenders in the near future, and that could be an issue. Although my credit is excellent, I still am worried about overall financing conditions in 3-4 months. It's not a pretty picture. Yes, it's a buyer's market in terms of property availability and prices, but as banks grow understandably leery & reluctant about lending out precious clams after getting burned by so many foreclosures, then... well, you get the idea. This crazy real-estate market is going to get a heckuva lot more interesting & turbulent before things start to settle down! Meh, I'll keep moving forward and just keep an eye on things...

... started participating more regularly once again in the MTBR.com forums. Getting psyched for riding!

... am watching season 5 of "24". Holy non-stop action, Batman! Sheesh, every single episode so far of that season is nuts! It's no good to have the whole season just sitting there right in front of me. No good at all. I must have something better to do. Right?!? ;)

... am reading The Historian. Again. Wicked awesome book. I'm not generally a fan of the whole Dracula genre, but this book is amazing.

... am not getting nearly enough sleep thanks to aforementioned DVDs and book. Hmmm.
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Now playing: mazzy star - fade into you

Wanna ride...

I am doing some annual maintenance on the bikes today, and I am definitely excited for spring and the new riding season to arrive! Call me a wuss or not a "real" rider if you will, but I detest riding in the winter. Cold & snow is not my idea of fun on a bike.  Oh well.  On the bright side, this is pretty decent weather for a nice long run - I'll knock one out this afternoon.
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Now playing: st etienne - spring

Good to be back!

Whew! Getting out of the U.P. was not exactly fun. Yeah, not so much. The decision to leave in that nasty weather definitely blurred (rather literally in the form of whiteouts!) that fine line between sheer stupidity & macho bravado. That jury's still out ;)

Oh well, the important thing is that I made it back safely. Once I crossed over into Wisconsin and started headed southerly, the weather improved beautifully. Had the blizzardy stuff hanging around the U.P. lasted much longer than it did, I definitely would be shacked up somewhere other than home right now.

Today, I am grateful for all-wheel drive, anti-lock brakes, sure-footed all-weather tires, and a GPS accurate enough to tell me what side of the road I was on!

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Now playing: soul asylum - easy street

Mountain High

What a wonderful couple of days it's been! However, right now, there's a monster arctic front raging through - the wind (50 mph gusts!) is kicking up some big brrrr-chilly-looking waves on the Lake Superior shore just outside my window! It's very windy, snowy, and the temps are dropping quickly. It'll be a blizzardy night. I was very fortunate to have yesterday and today to be out on the slopes - I could not have asked for more ideal weather for the two days. My plan to leave tomorrow worked out well - I wouldn't want to have to brave being out on the slopes in conditions like these! Methinks the drive home will be enough of a challenge...

The conditions up here have been fantastic - Friday was particularly ideal. The Porkies are open Friday thru Monday, so on Friday morning, the 8 inches of fresh powder from earlier in the week was just waiting for riders. And there weren't many of us out there on Friday, so it was like having the place to practically all to yourself. The temps were in the high 20s, no wind, mostly sunny, and beautiful snow! Today was no slouch either, although it was busier, and the temps starting dropping in the mid-afternoon along with the wind starting to pick up as the front approached. That was fine though - I was about done at that point anyway, so it made good sense to call it a day.

I'd forgotten what a wonderful thing a vacation can be. I'm very good at rationalizing reasons why not to take a vacation, but there's just something about taking dedicated time away for yourself to do what you enjoy. I don't know what exactly it is, but it certainly does a mind & body good!

I spent the last couple of hours this afternoon riding only switch-stance, which for me is goofy foot. It was a good challenge to to consecutively ride entire runs switch, it definitely helps my overall riding ability. It can be more frustrating at times since it's not as natural of a stance (i.e. much like learning to ride all over again), but I like seeing myself improve - that's a good feeling! My rear-end and wrists may not agree, but they'll recover...

I've managed to keep this trip cheap, but my one splurge was to get a room with a jacuzzi bath. And, omigosh, that tub is worth every penny; I love it! Crank it up, grab an icy cold Gatorade, my book, and I can spend the entire evening in that thing ;)

... Link to pics ...

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Now playing: midnight oil - king of the mountain

Yep, I need that too...

You would think that with all of the traveling I've done, I'd be a much better packer than I am. Ugh, this is a lot of stuff! Paris Hilton would be mighty proud of this bevy o' bags & gear ;)

"Well dontcha know, it's about time ta load up Ellie, eh? Oh ya, you betcha!" Haha, OK, I'll keep working on my Yooper...
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Now playing: combustible edison - vertigogo

Just (hair)Do It

Emboldened by my previous post, I have arrived at an important decision:

I'm going to grow my hair out.

Not hippie length or anything like a sensitive-ponytail-guy 'do, but something longer than my decade-plus short-hair M.O. Yep, as the picture would suggest, it's been a while. And if I'm going to do this, it has to be sooner than later, since my hairline is making a slow but steady retreat. And, no, this new length will never (ever!) transition into a comb-over. When that day finally arrives, the nugget is gonna get & stay shaved!

OK, now it's been published to the world, so I have to make good on it. ;) This should be interesting!
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Now playing: beck - devil's haircut

Whatcha gonna do?

Life is full of difficult decisions, and as painful as they are to sometimes face, we would be cheated of untold potential for self-discovery & growth without the opportunity to deal squarely with them.

These circumstances are often made easier when we seek & find the support of those who care about us and our best interests. Many of us are blessed to have family and dear friends who can help guide us through life's scarier passes. Their experience and trusted advice is almost certainly welcome and sound. However, what is one to do when that is not in concert with your own views, thoughts, and feelings? How do you then balance other people's influence & advice in determining what's best? The inevitably resulting doubt can be all-consuming...

The bottom line is that - at the end of the day - we must be at peace with ourselves. How is this done? For me, difficult decisions require that I make as honest & objective assessment of the circumstance as possible. Weigh the pros & cons. Acknowledge and understand the risks involved. After all, there is almost certainly always a risk of getting 'hurt' in one form or another. Do I have as clear of an understanding of as many of those risks as I can possibly identify?

It is commonly at this point where we seek the advice & guidance of others who we trust. And what if we find their guidance to be uncharacteristically conflicting with our own feelings, then what? This is a troubling spot to be in! Is the 'problem' with them, or with us? Are we truly willing to listen to their concerns & perspectives? If not, why? If yes, then what is the 'sticking point'? What is uncharacteristic this time?

Faced with this, it is my experience that someone is not being completely forthright. Maybe it's me, maybe it's them. If it's them, then call them on it. How honest can the discussion get, not only about your own motivations, but theirs as well? Even the people we trust most can make mistakes and be selfish in their motivations. They may not even realize they are doing it, most often under the banner of 'protecting' us. Unfortunately, there may be rare times when they know full well the influence they have with us, and they use it inappropriately.

But what if the issue is with us? Are we being forthright with both ourselves and others about our motivations and the circumstance as a whole? Are we turning a blind eye to something daunting, or choosing inaction because it seems somehow easier or safer for us to do that? Or, similarly, are we trying to control the outcome of something that truly is beyond our control? If so, we are only cheating ourselves. Even if just a fleeting glimpse, we can almost certainly identify when we are doing these things. Do we then take brave right action, even when that seems terribly difficult and scary?

I strive to be at peace with my circumstances each & every day. When I am not going to bed with a relatively quiet mind & clear conscience, then I am obviously not at peace with something. Am I worried about what I will be doing for a job in 5-10 years? Am I worried where a current relationship will be in a year? Am I worried about the direction that [fill in the blank] is going? I find that I only worry about the future of things when I am at unrest with their current state. Am I willing to recognize that I have choices and options today - here & now - to take right action in order to bring me greater serenity? When I am discontented about a circumstance today, then of course projecting it anywhere in the future will be disparaging! So, why not establish ownership and responsibility by taking right & positive action now to mitigate the discord?  Sound like a tall order?  

It is! ;)  Welcome to your life - grab hold & own it!

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Now playing: cat power - i believe in you

Gettin' ready

I am getting excited for my trip! I have a cool route planned out to get up there, and then I think I'll come through Duluth on the way home.

I put a fresh wax on Mizu last night, and got her all tuned up. Sheesh, icy hard-packed MN slopes are tough on equipment! Throughout the weekend, I am setting out things to pack as they occur to me. I have some stylee new tunes for the iPod, and the GPS is loaded up & ready to go.

Here's hopin' the weather cooperates - it looks good so far ;)
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Now playing: the pixies - into the white

Yoga = Fun

Good times, good times! It's definitely not easy; I knew it was going to be challenging getting those tight winterized muscles of mine stretched out, and whoa doggie - I am going to be feeling this tomorrow!

I am really diggin' it though - this meditative exercise integrates such a unique spiritual element. It's the perfect activity for me right now as I prep to hit the running and biking trails in force this spring. I am so pleased that I finally started doing yoga!
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Now playing: kris kross - warm it up kris

Get smart

Excellent community ed class tonight on Home Buying 101. I must say that I was very impressed by the course content and the instructor's career experience. I definitely am walking away from it much smarter and more savvy on the process than I expected to be. I now have some great resources at hand to start crunching numbers and begin earnest work in making my goal a reality. Who knows - I may well discover that now is not in fact the right time for me to make this move when the dust all settles, but at least I'll know, ya know? I'm just tired being at the "Gee, I wonder if..." stage of things, so I'm happy to be gettin' my learn on.

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Now playing: jimi hendrix - are you experienced?

Drool

Me likey. Me want.

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Now playing: metallica - wherever i may roam

Look what came in the mail...

JURY DUTY, baby!
I'll be on the hook for Dakota County for the first two weeks of March. I'm looking forward to it, actually. I've wondered when my number would come up for this. A co-worker of mine recently did it, and some of us were talking about who's done it, who hasn't, what it's like, etc. So, it's rather ironic that I get called up this week. It should be an interesting experience!
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Now playing: sonvolt - carry you down

U.P. or bust!

I've got some time off scheduled for early Feb, and after making sure the taxes went as planned ;) I'm heading up & over to the U.P. for a long weekend of snowboarding. I'm very excited! I hope that famously bountiful lake-effect snow keeps on a comin' for the next several weeks! I'm not sure yet if I'll try to brave Bohemia for one of the days, but I'll see when I get up there. There are some great package deals out there to be had, and I was fortunate to negotiate a good one.  Giddyup!
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Now playing: trash can school - silver surfer

A taxing experience

I did my taxes last night, and it all worked out just as I hoped it would - I owe a small amount to both Uncle Sam and MN. That's how I like it - I'd rather have all of my money throughout the year, and owe a little bit at tax time. I don't understand these people who get excited about huge refunds - heck, that just means the Government had all that money of yours all year long - it could've been in your hands all that time to invest and make use of! It's not like that refund is some sort of "free" money - it's just the Government finally giving back the money that was really yours to begin with; why let them hold on to it that whole time (and be able to make make money off of your money)?

There are so many fantastic resources "out there" to do your taxes. I was able to e-file both my Federal and State completely for free, and it was all dead easy & hassle-free to do - what a cool deal!

Check out the IRS site and your state's tax site (MN here) - they have a bunch of links to online tax prep sites, and you may very well qualify to do it all online for no cost at all. Zero, zip, nada!

Also, for MN residents, be sure to get your documentation for the MN Property Tax Refund - this is done completely separate from your state taxes, and is well worth the effort. Even if you are a renter, you'll qualify to get a nice chunk of cash back (in most circumstances). Nice!
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Now playing: living things - bom bom bom

Rockin' the Marketplace

I'm a long-time NPR junkie. And here in the Twin Cities, we are hella spoiled with excellent talk & music options on Public Radio.

One of my favorite shows is Marketplace. As a regular drive-time listener of both the morning and evening segments, I'm consistently impressed with the quality, breadth, and average-joe understandability of that financial reporting. And, I must admit, I really dig the the music bites they play in between stories. To name a few, I've heard Operation Ivy, Soundgarden, Screaming Trees, Ned's Atomic Dustbin, My Bloody Valentine, Opus III, Joy Division, The Stone Roses, The Cure, and then one day this week - Sonic Youth's Teenage Riot. The bites don't include the vocals, so I'll often have that "Oooh! Oooh! I know this song!!! Whatisitwhatisitwhatisit..." moment during the segment, and then I'll finally place it.

So, anyway, I got a kick out of mixing in some old-school Sonic Youth while talkin' The Numbers. Makes me smile.
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Now playing: sonic youth - teenage riot

Surrender

In my military career, I was fortunate to have several training experiences that pushed me to my psychological and physical limits. This was both intentional & necessary - it was imperative that we learn what these limits were, so that we could recognize when we were approaching them in a real-world situation. Pilot Training, Resistance Training (POW simulation), and Weapons School all pushed me harder in terms of mental and physical stress & endurance than anything I'd experienced previously. In those training environments, I witnessed strong, able, & confident people hit their wall and break down - either psychologically, physically, or both. Some were able to recover & continue, and some were not.

Again, the point was to discover what we were made of, and to determine if we would be able to handle the very unique challenges that military aviation presents. At stake was something much more than a "pass/fail" grade - it was an opportunity to really look inside yourself and discover what was really there. Nothing else in my life had previously come remotely close to testing me like these experiences did.

However, the biggest test I have faced in my life is my alcoholism. Here, my insidious psychological and physical breakdown was very real, and it was life-threatening. Faced with the reality of the grave nature of my disease, I didn't know if I was brave enough to deal with it. Suicide was something I seriously considered more than once. However, by the grace of God and the fellowship of AA I have found the path to recovery - and thus a full, rich, and sincerely happy life. Like my military peers who struggled in training, I have witnessed many of my peers in addiction not "make it" - however, here the stakes are clearly much higher. In every regard, I am blessed and fortunate to be where I am today - I am a stronger & better person than ever before.

Is there a connection between what I learned from my military experiences and what I've gone through in my recovery journey? Absolutely!

It's surrender. Surrender ego and self-will. Surrender to letting go.

In this context, surrender does not imply self-defeat. Rather, it implies a brave willingness to humbly & honestly understand the circumstance, so that right action can be taken.

Why then is this form of surrender so often difficult to accept and put into everyday practice?

A work in progress...
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Now playing: jane's addiction - ocean size