Good to be back!

Whew! Getting out of the U.P. was not exactly fun. Yeah, not so much. The decision to leave in that nasty weather definitely blurred (rather literally in the form of whiteouts!) that fine line between sheer stupidity & macho bravado. That jury's still out ;)

Oh well, the important thing is that I made it back safely. Once I crossed over into Wisconsin and started headed southerly, the weather improved beautifully. Had the blizzardy stuff hanging around the U.P. lasted much longer than it did, I definitely would be shacked up somewhere other than home right now.

Today, I am grateful for all-wheel drive, anti-lock brakes, sure-footed all-weather tires, and a GPS accurate enough to tell me what side of the road I was on!

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Now playing: soul asylum - easy street

Mountain High

What a wonderful couple of days it's been! However, right now, there's a monster arctic front raging through - the wind (50 mph gusts!) is kicking up some big brrrr-chilly-looking waves on the Lake Superior shore just outside my window! It's very windy, snowy, and the temps are dropping quickly. It'll be a blizzardy night. I was very fortunate to have yesterday and today to be out on the slopes - I could not have asked for more ideal weather for the two days. My plan to leave tomorrow worked out well - I wouldn't want to have to brave being out on the slopes in conditions like these! Methinks the drive home will be enough of a challenge...

The conditions up here have been fantastic - Friday was particularly ideal. The Porkies are open Friday thru Monday, so on Friday morning, the 8 inches of fresh powder from earlier in the week was just waiting for riders. And there weren't many of us out there on Friday, so it was like having the place to practically all to yourself. The temps were in the high 20s, no wind, mostly sunny, and beautiful snow! Today was no slouch either, although it was busier, and the temps starting dropping in the mid-afternoon along with the wind starting to pick up as the front approached. That was fine though - I was about done at that point anyway, so it made good sense to call it a day.

I'd forgotten what a wonderful thing a vacation can be. I'm very good at rationalizing reasons why not to take a vacation, but there's just something about taking dedicated time away for yourself to do what you enjoy. I don't know what exactly it is, but it certainly does a mind & body good!

I spent the last couple of hours this afternoon riding only switch-stance, which for me is goofy foot. It was a good challenge to to consecutively ride entire runs switch, it definitely helps my overall riding ability. It can be more frustrating at times since it's not as natural of a stance (i.e. much like learning to ride all over again), but I like seeing myself improve - that's a good feeling! My rear-end and wrists may not agree, but they'll recover...

I've managed to keep this trip cheap, but my one splurge was to get a room with a jacuzzi bath. And, omigosh, that tub is worth every penny; I love it! Crank it up, grab an icy cold Gatorade, my book, and I can spend the entire evening in that thing ;)

... Link to pics ...

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Now playing: midnight oil - king of the mountain

Yep, I need that too...

You would think that with all of the traveling I've done, I'd be a much better packer than I am. Ugh, this is a lot of stuff! Paris Hilton would be mighty proud of this bevy o' bags & gear ;)

"Well dontcha know, it's about time ta load up Ellie, eh? Oh ya, you betcha!" Haha, OK, I'll keep working on my Yooper...
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Now playing: combustible edison - vertigogo

Just (hair)Do It

Emboldened by my previous post, I have arrived at an important decision:

I'm going to grow my hair out.

Not hippie length or anything like a sensitive-ponytail-guy 'do, but something longer than my decade-plus short-hair M.O. Yep, as the picture would suggest, it's been a while. And if I'm going to do this, it has to be sooner than later, since my hairline is making a slow but steady retreat. And, no, this new length will never (ever!) transition into a comb-over. When that day finally arrives, the nugget is gonna get & stay shaved!

OK, now it's been published to the world, so I have to make good on it. ;) This should be interesting!
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Now playing: beck - devil's haircut

Whatcha gonna do?

Life is full of difficult decisions, and as painful as they are to sometimes face, we would be cheated of untold potential for self-discovery & growth without the opportunity to deal squarely with them.

These circumstances are often made easier when we seek & find the support of those who care about us and our best interests. Many of us are blessed to have family and dear friends who can help guide us through life's scarier passes. Their experience and trusted advice is almost certainly welcome and sound. However, what is one to do when that is not in concert with your own views, thoughts, and feelings? How do you then balance other people's influence & advice in determining what's best? The inevitably resulting doubt can be all-consuming...

The bottom line is that - at the end of the day - we must be at peace with ourselves. How is this done? For me, difficult decisions require that I make as honest & objective assessment of the circumstance as possible. Weigh the pros & cons. Acknowledge and understand the risks involved. After all, there is almost certainly always a risk of getting 'hurt' in one form or another. Do I have as clear of an understanding of as many of those risks as I can possibly identify?

It is commonly at this point where we seek the advice & guidance of others who we trust. And what if we find their guidance to be uncharacteristically conflicting with our own feelings, then what? This is a troubling spot to be in! Is the 'problem' with them, or with us? Are we truly willing to listen to their concerns & perspectives? If not, why? If yes, then what is the 'sticking point'? What is uncharacteristic this time?

Faced with this, it is my experience that someone is not being completely forthright. Maybe it's me, maybe it's them. If it's them, then call them on it. How honest can the discussion get, not only about your own motivations, but theirs as well? Even the people we trust most can make mistakes and be selfish in their motivations. They may not even realize they are doing it, most often under the banner of 'protecting' us. Unfortunately, there may be rare times when they know full well the influence they have with us, and they use it inappropriately.

But what if the issue is with us? Are we being forthright with both ourselves and others about our motivations and the circumstance as a whole? Are we turning a blind eye to something daunting, or choosing inaction because it seems somehow easier or safer for us to do that? Or, similarly, are we trying to control the outcome of something that truly is beyond our control? If so, we are only cheating ourselves. Even if just a fleeting glimpse, we can almost certainly identify when we are doing these things. Do we then take brave right action, even when that seems terribly difficult and scary?

I strive to be at peace with my circumstances each & every day. When I am not going to bed with a relatively quiet mind & clear conscience, then I am obviously not at peace with something. Am I worried about what I will be doing for a job in 5-10 years? Am I worried where a current relationship will be in a year? Am I worried about the direction that [fill in the blank] is going? I find that I only worry about the future of things when I am at unrest with their current state. Am I willing to recognize that I have choices and options today - here & now - to take right action in order to bring me greater serenity? When I am discontented about a circumstance today, then of course projecting it anywhere in the future will be disparaging! So, why not establish ownership and responsibility by taking right & positive action now to mitigate the discord?  Sound like a tall order?  

It is! ;)  Welcome to your life - grab hold & own it!

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Now playing: cat power - i believe in you

Gettin' ready

I am getting excited for my trip! I have a cool route planned out to get up there, and then I think I'll come through Duluth on the way home.

I put a fresh wax on Mizu last night, and got her all tuned up. Sheesh, icy hard-packed MN slopes are tough on equipment! Throughout the weekend, I am setting out things to pack as they occur to me. I have some stylee new tunes for the iPod, and the GPS is loaded up & ready to go.

Here's hopin' the weather cooperates - it looks good so far ;)
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Now playing: the pixies - into the white

Yoga = Fun

Good times, good times! It's definitely not easy; I knew it was going to be challenging getting those tight winterized muscles of mine stretched out, and whoa doggie - I am going to be feeling this tomorrow!

I am really diggin' it though - this meditative exercise integrates such a unique spiritual element. It's the perfect activity for me right now as I prep to hit the running and biking trails in force this spring. I am so pleased that I finally started doing yoga!
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Now playing: kris kross - warm it up kris

Get smart

Excellent community ed class tonight on Home Buying 101. I must say that I was very impressed by the course content and the instructor's career experience. I definitely am walking away from it much smarter and more savvy on the process than I expected to be. I now have some great resources at hand to start crunching numbers and begin earnest work in making my goal a reality. Who knows - I may well discover that now is not in fact the right time for me to make this move when the dust all settles, but at least I'll know, ya know? I'm just tired being at the "Gee, I wonder if..." stage of things, so I'm happy to be gettin' my learn on.

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Now playing: jimi hendrix - are you experienced?

Drool

Me likey. Me want.

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Now playing: metallica - wherever i may roam

Look what came in the mail...

JURY DUTY, baby!
I'll be on the hook for Dakota County for the first two weeks of March. I'm looking forward to it, actually. I've wondered when my number would come up for this. A co-worker of mine recently did it, and some of us were talking about who's done it, who hasn't, what it's like, etc. So, it's rather ironic that I get called up this week. It should be an interesting experience!
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Now playing: sonvolt - carry you down

U.P. or bust!

I've got some time off scheduled for early Feb, and after making sure the taxes went as planned ;) I'm heading up & over to the U.P. for a long weekend of snowboarding. I'm very excited! I hope that famously bountiful lake-effect snow keeps on a comin' for the next several weeks! I'm not sure yet if I'll try to brave Bohemia for one of the days, but I'll see when I get up there. There are some great package deals out there to be had, and I was fortunate to negotiate a good one.  Giddyup!
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Now playing: trash can school - silver surfer

A taxing experience

I did my taxes last night, and it all worked out just as I hoped it would - I owe a small amount to both Uncle Sam and MN. That's how I like it - I'd rather have all of my money throughout the year, and owe a little bit at tax time. I don't understand these people who get excited about huge refunds - heck, that just means the Government had all that money of yours all year long - it could've been in your hands all that time to invest and make use of! It's not like that refund is some sort of "free" money - it's just the Government finally giving back the money that was really yours to begin with; why let them hold on to it that whole time (and be able to make make money off of your money)?

There are so many fantastic resources "out there" to do your taxes. I was able to e-file both my Federal and State completely for free, and it was all dead easy & hassle-free to do - what a cool deal!

Check out the IRS site and your state's tax site (MN here) - they have a bunch of links to online tax prep sites, and you may very well qualify to do it all online for no cost at all. Zero, zip, nada!

Also, for MN residents, be sure to get your documentation for the MN Property Tax Refund - this is done completely separate from your state taxes, and is well worth the effort. Even if you are a renter, you'll qualify to get a nice chunk of cash back (in most circumstances). Nice!
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Now playing: living things - bom bom bom

Rockin' the Marketplace

I'm a long-time NPR junkie. And here in the Twin Cities, we are hella spoiled with excellent talk & music options on Public Radio.

One of my favorite shows is Marketplace. As a regular drive-time listener of both the morning and evening segments, I'm consistently impressed with the quality, breadth, and average-joe understandability of that financial reporting. And, I must admit, I really dig the the music bites they play in between stories. To name a few, I've heard Operation Ivy, Soundgarden, Screaming Trees, Ned's Atomic Dustbin, My Bloody Valentine, Opus III, Joy Division, The Stone Roses, The Cure, and then one day this week - Sonic Youth's Teenage Riot. The bites don't include the vocals, so I'll often have that "Oooh! Oooh! I know this song!!! Whatisitwhatisitwhatisit..." moment during the segment, and then I'll finally place it.

So, anyway, I got a kick out of mixing in some old-school Sonic Youth while talkin' The Numbers. Makes me smile.
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Now playing: sonic youth - teenage riot

Surrender

In my military career, I was fortunate to have several training experiences that pushed me to my psychological and physical limits. This was both intentional & necessary - it was imperative that we learn what these limits were, so that we could recognize when we were approaching them in a real-world situation. Pilot Training, Resistance Training (POW simulation), and Weapons School all pushed me harder in terms of mental and physical stress & endurance than anything I'd experienced previously. In those training environments, I witnessed strong, able, & confident people hit their wall and break down - either psychologically, physically, or both. Some were able to recover & continue, and some were not.

Again, the point was to discover what we were made of, and to determine if we would be able to handle the very unique challenges that military aviation presents. At stake was something much more than a "pass/fail" grade - it was an opportunity to really look inside yourself and discover what was really there. Nothing else in my life had previously come remotely close to testing me like these experiences did.

However, the biggest test I have faced in my life is my alcoholism. Here, my insidious psychological and physical breakdown was very real, and it was life-threatening. Faced with the reality of the grave nature of my disease, I didn't know if I was brave enough to deal with it. Suicide was something I seriously considered more than once. However, by the grace of God and the fellowship of AA I have found the path to recovery - and thus a full, rich, and sincerely happy life. Like my military peers who struggled in training, I have witnessed many of my peers in addiction not "make it" - however, here the stakes are clearly much higher. In every regard, I am blessed and fortunate to be where I am today - I am a stronger & better person than ever before.

Is there a connection between what I learned from my military experiences and what I've gone through in my recovery journey? Absolutely!

It's surrender. Surrender ego and self-will. Surrender to letting go.

In this context, surrender does not imply self-defeat. Rather, it implies a brave willingness to humbly & honestly understand the circumstance, so that right action can be taken.

Why then is this form of surrender so often difficult to accept and put into everyday practice?

A work in progress...
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Now playing: jane's addiction - ocean size

Cari-Booooo

I should be in bed right now, sleepily reading that whatever part in my book which I'd normally have to read all over again tomorrow night because I'm half asleep, but instead, I have the urge to reorganize my kitchen cabinets, paint my living room, or perhaps hand-whittle an entire oak dining room furniture set from a single tree using only my Leatherman because I'm WIDE FRIGGIN' AWAKE.

Yeah, thanks for that "decaf" large coffee tonight, 'Bou barista. Nice work.
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Now playing: smashing pumpkins - tonight, tonight

Comm Ed

Honestly, I've never really looked through any of the Community Ed catalogs I get seasonally. However, there's some great stuff in here! Now, I'm not saying I'm going to sign up for anything more than the real estate class just yet, but I'm definitely considering some different things...

I'd love to do a rookie yoga class. I think that would make a fun late-winter / early-spring activity. Unfortunately, I have commitments the nights they are offered through community ed. I'll have to research some studios (gyms? yurts? what are yoga joints called?) close to me. I know of several that I could hit right after work or on the way home, so maybe I'll just have to do that whole pack-the-workout-duds deal. Not the end of the world. OK, I'm gonna make this happen in the next couple of weeks. Less talk, and more Downward Dog.
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Now playing: st etienne - you're in a bad way

Polite dinner conversation?

I've been asked when I'm going to start commenting on the Presidential campaigns.

I don't have any plans to.

Politics, along with sex and religion, aren't things I discuss with just anybody & everybody. It's a matter of opinion (of course), but I consider these three topics in particular to be rather personal, and I don't generally feel that my blog is an appropriate vehicle to push my viewpoints on said topics. Not that I don't have opinions, thoughts, and convictions on these things - I certainly do! I'm simply judicious about the "who, where, when" of such engagements ;)

On that theme, please don't confuse my often-discussed spirituality with religion. I want to be very careful not to imply an association between the AA 12-Step Program and any sort of organized religion - there is unequivocally ZERO mandated, implied, or otherwise connection between those two entities whatsoever. An old-timer AA once explained it this way: "Religion is for people who don't want to go to Hell. Spirituality is for those who don't want to return there."
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Now playing: elvis vs jxl - a little less conversation

Not Mac Daddy, but...

...we're working on him next. My Mom is the latest Windoze-to-Mac convert. I helped get her up & running tonight with her gorgeous new iMac, and even I was amazed at how dead easy the transition went. I don't know how Apple could make it much easier. Quite impressive all around!

I think we'll even finally get Dad comfy using the wild world of the internet on the new dream machine...

Good on ya, Mom - welcome to the club! Wicked proud!
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Now playing: utah saints - something good

Back to the classroom

I signed up for a community ed "real estate for dummies" crash-course on home buying at the end of January. Seminars like these always make me wary. It's being put on by a local realtor, and although the course is not sponsored by his agency, I wonder how objective it will be versus just an opportunity for this guy to expand his client list with unsuspecting fresh meat. Sheesh, I really am a skeptical ol' codger, aren't I? But, you have to start somewhere, and this seems as good of place as any.

Real estate, auto, and investment marketers all make me circumspect. I'm always anxious about handing over large amounts of my money to someone who (in the end) is just trying to turn a buck off of my dough. Do they really have my best interests in mind? I fear I'm overly pessimistic & skeptical in these situations, and my defense is always to arm myself with as much knowledge as I can. But, ultimately, that self-learning only goes so far, and I have to yield something to their expertise & experience. Armed with knowledge, the next step is to build trust. And trust is not always an easy nut to crack for Team Chris ;)

I'm curious to see how the course goes. And many thanks to J, my awesome sis-in-law. Your help so far has been great - I'm not done picking your brain yet, haha!
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Now playing: U2 - hold me thrill me kiss me kill me

TGIF

Whew! COB Friday could not come soon enough this week. It's been a long week at work, and I was definitely feeling it today. Which is not a good place for me - when I get tired, my ability weakens to keep my still-too-often (yeah, yeah, I know... I'm working on it!) sarcastic & egotistical inner monologue "inside". More than once today, I had to make a graceful exit with the most sincere tight-lipped smile I could muster because I was afraid that if I opened my mouth at all, the only thing that would come out would be: "Go pound sand, you clown-show!" Or something equally unhelpful to that effect ;) Yep, one of those days. So...

Patience.  Deep breath.
Tolerance
Get off my pity-pot
Big picture
Will it matter in 10 years? In 2 hours even?
Why do I sometimes give others permission to control my emotions?
Serenity prayer
Baby steps, baby. And just one at a time.
Gotta stay on that road of progress, even if it's verrrry slow moving sometimes!
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Now playing: love and rockets - jungle law

Rant switch - ON

Escalator handrails that move faster or slower than the escalator stairs.

My last several shower-poofs-on-a-stick. Two weeks tops. Then they self-destruct mid-shower à la one of those prank snakes-in-a-can. Rotten luck with these things lately.

Folks on the Light Rail at rush hour who are either too 'cool' or too dim to simply hold on, and then bumble heavily into me or step on my feet (or more commonly, both) in their stupefied amazement that Newton's Laws of Motion apply even to them. And they're just as surprised again when it all repeats mere moments later. Oy.

In mid-brush, losing my grip on the Braun electric toothbrush, and then trying to grab the stupid slippery thing as it bounces around and vibrates toothpaste spatter all over the place. Among other times, this will inevitably occur the evening of the day I clean my bathroom.

Rant switch - OFF
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Now playing: the white stripes - seven nation army

Sweeeet.

Shorts and flip-flops today. Just because.
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Now playing: echo and the bunnymen - people are strange

In search of...

I've never been one for New Year's resolutions, but I do have one for '08: To buy my first home. Now that we are in the new year, I guess it's time to start grabbing this bull by the horns. It's rather intimidating, but it's also very exciting! Baby steps for now, I just want to be as smart as possible as I work through this process - so I'm still just very early in the research/homework phase. I'll post up on my adventures, miscues, & successes as I work through this whole endeavor. Perhaps my experience can benefit others. Or maybe just serve as a warning. We'll see. And on that theme - any of your own sage advice, 'been there, done that' stories, or 'watch out for this...' experiences are all most welcome!

And so the adventure begins...
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Now playing: badly drawn boy - all possibilities

Getcha some 9-mike-mike

A certain acquaintance recently asked me what kind of gun I had.
"I don't own a gun."
"But, you were in the military..."
"Indeed I was."
"Well, don't you like guns then?"
"No, I've never been very comfortable around guns."
"???"
So, I told my story...
It's true that I did have to maintain shooting proficiency as a USAF pilot. This required me to qualify on the standard-issue aircrew sidearm (currently the Beretta 9mm) every 24-30 months. I loathed going to 'the range' to qualify. Each time I went, I was sure that would be the time they finally discovered that I had no business whatsoever handling a firearm...

I didn't grow up in a household with guns around, and didn't even have a BB gun as a kid. The first time I ever shot a gun in my life was in college when I did an Air Force base visit as a ROTC cadet. At that time, they were using the S&W .38 instead of the 9-mike-mike. I didn't know we were going to actually shoot that day, and I was all hella beyond nervous when I was finally standing on the line with a no-kidding loaded weapon. At that time, we weren't stopping at all during the qualification sequence to check our progress - only at the very end did you learn the results. My compatriots all had more shooting experience than I, and were all very excited to learn their scores. I, on the other hand, nervously cracked jokes and did my best to explain away what I anticipated were going to be incredibly embarrassing results. I feverishly worried that they may possibly even take away my pilot slot - "Get a load of this kid's shots! Sheesh, we can't find any evidence that he hit the target at all! Maybe we need to find him a desk job - clearly this pansy is not the 'turn 'em into hair, teeth, & eyeballs' killing machine we are looking for..." Holy shnikees, I was nervous. As it turns out, I actually qualified Expert Marksman by some complete fluke. I was even able to carry that qualification over once I entered Active Duty.

And it was a fluke - pure dumb luck at its finest. I tried to tell people that when they noticed my decoration, but they would insist that I must be a natural. Ugh. To put it mildly, I was fearful of the next time I had to go the range to qualify. When I finally did, the guy running the range looked over my record, nodded his head impressed, and remarked that he was looking forward to seeing me shoot. He even asked me to give pointers to the class during the academic portion prior to actually going to the range. "Oh, no, thank you for offering, but I don't think that would be a very good idea", I modestly declined, adding in my mind, "...And you'll find out why soon enough."

As expected, my luck from the previous experience did not carry over. While I did actually qualify, it wasn't by much at all. But, at least I had 'passed'. I was ecstatic! The range supervisor stared puzzlingly at my bottom-tier tally.
"I don't understand", he says, "Are you not feeling well today or what?"
"Errr, yeah, something like that, I suppose. Maybe just not my day, I guess"
"Well, it's good enough by the regulations", he said disapprovingly as he signed off my qualification paperwork, "So I suppose you are all set for now". The look on his face was pure disappointment.
"Thanks, see ya in a coupla years", I said, secretly doing a happy dance on the inside. Haha, I managed to fool 'em all again! And so it went each & every time I had to go to the range to qualify - I did manage to barely qualify each time, but it was never pretty.

For most of the combat missions I flew, it was not a prerequisite that the entire crew had to 'arm up', but occasionally, that was the directive. I dreaded those few times. I felt like a moron going to pick up my weapon, and then again when returning it. Instead of trying to bluff my way through the weapons-issue/turn-in processes, I would just openly admit that I didn't know what the hell I was doing, and then promise the skycop responsible for the guns that I wouldn't ever remove the thing from my holster if (s)he would help me with inspection, clearing, etc. I always got that "And you are a pilot?!?" look of disbelief, but in the name of safety, they were always willing to make sure I didn't buffoonishly shoot them, myself, or anyone else during the transfers.

So, my friend then asked:
"What if you ever needed to actually use the gun?"
"Well", I explained, "I'm sure I could handle it fine if my life depended on it."
But, the truth is that if it actually ever came down to me (as the Aircraft Commander) ever having to use my 9mm to save the day, then something has gone horribly, horribly wrong - as in 'none of us are making it out of this pickle alive anyway' wrong. I took a lot of solace in that fact, and hoped that day would never come. It didn't.

I don't expect to ever shoot a gun again in my life. And that's just peachy by me.
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Now playing: beastie boys - looking down the barrel of a gun

Who's yo daddy now?

I've definitely got this crud on the ropes now, and it feels great to be getting back to 100%. Did I mention that I hate being sick? Good day back at work - lots accomplished, and I got to catch up with some folks who had been gone for the Holidays. Good stuff! And tomorrow's Friday - how cool is that? Niiiiice!
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Now playing: fluke - atom bomb

Sicced by sick

I hate being sick. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. I called in sick today (I don't even remember the last time I've had to do such a thing), not so much because I feel that ass-kicked by whatever bug I've caught, but rather because I must be wicked contagious - the sheer volume of icky phlegm very steadily flowing out of my nose and lungs is just not cool at all. When I woke up this morning, it simply wouldn't stop. Have you ever had the sensation you can feel all of that extra crud literally sloshing around in your sinuses? My head felt like it weighed an extra 10 pounds this morning. Oddly enough, I didn't have a headache per se, my head just felt like it was under attack and tired of fighting - all sluggish & thick (haha, OK, no jokes about how I may or may not normally be thick-headed; we can debate that some other time). I'm trying to pound as much liquids and vitamin C as my body can stand, and I must admit that time off here to rest easy, and lounge in hot bath after hot bath is definitely welcome & helpful. I'm already feeling somewhat better (knock on wood), and I hope I can get on the other side of this mofo by tomorrow morning - I definitely want to get back to work. One, to catch up (!), and two, because being stuck home alone & sick is all hella boring. Ugh.  Shoot me.
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Now playing: dinosaur jr - puke + cry

Eeek! A "light"!

What's THIS?!? An amber-colored light on already in my new car?!? Ellie, yer killin' me over here. *sigh* As I was pulling away from my sister's place today on my way home, I notice the 'tire pressure low' light on. Which is a little spooky since I was wondering earlier in the day if I should check out my tire pressures sometime soon. Anyhoo, I (of course) fear the worst - did I run over a nail? Is she 'pulling' at all? Am I leaning? Maybe a little? Or is that my imagination? Oh, the suspense!!! I decide I would go to a nearby SA and check it out...

Not much of a surprise, but air is not free anymore, like when we were kids pumping up our bike tires. Oh well, I fished out some quarters and stepped out, praying feverishly that I would not see a hideously deflated tire. I didn't, so that's good. Although my front right did look a smidge low (in my expert opinion), so I fired up the air-thingee and went to task. Did I mention it's really friggin' cold?!? And brave manly me decided this simple job didn't warrant wearing sissy outerwear like my readily-available-in-the-car gloves. After somehow managing to unscrew part of the air-thingee itself and nearly breaking it, I finally was able to add some air (I think). But the gauge on the air-thingee was worthless, and my own Wally World tire gauge wasn't inspiring any more confidence in determining if all those whooshing air sounds were me actually adding air, or just fumbling more out of the tire.

"Umm, yeah, that oughtta do it", I comforted myself, wondering if that dead, wooden quality my fingers had developed alarmingly quickly in the last few minutes would be permanent or otherwise debilitating. I decided that I'd get Ellie back in the garage and let her sit a few hours - at least if I needed to change a tire, it wouldn't then be out in the bitter cold. Despite my best efforts at maintaining positivity & thinking happy thoughts, the warning light remained on as I pulled away from SA. However, it mercifully then did extinguish just as I was pulling into my driveway. "Whew!", I thought, "See, I do ROCK!" As I congratulated myself on my deft mechanical aptitude, it pessimistically occurred to me that maybe a mouse just chewed through a wire or something like that. Ugh. That unhelpful committee in my head drives me nuts sometimes.

Well, it's been a few hours, and the tires all still look OK (thanks for that, Buddy Jesus!). We'll see what the light does tomorrow morning; heck, I'll be ready ;)
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Now playing: primus - jerry was a race car driver

Dreams. Those crazy dreams...

As some of you may or may not know, I can't remember dreams I have. It rather irks me because I do know that I have some hella crazy interesting dreams. Once in a while, I'll remember a snapshot or brief sequence or a single line from a dream, but I usually don't remember much of anything.

I do know that I often have recurring places and people in my dreams - the kicker is they are not people I've ever met, or places I've ever visited. To the best of my knowledge, none of these people or places even exist in reality. It's odd when I am dreaming and find myself in or around 'that house' again, and say to myself, "Gee, Self, ain't this odd... Here we are back at this same strange-yet-oh-so-familiar dream house, I wonder what's going to happen here tonight. Well, here we go..." And then I don't remember anything significant, other than being able to consciously use my knowledge of that particular house or building from a previous dream to my advantage in my current dream - even though the overall circumstances or storyline of the dreams are otherwise completely unconnected. I may run into the same faces and places, but they are aren't necessarily the same people from dream-to-dream. And those same houses or buildings? One dream it may be in a cornfield, and the next, it may be in some downtown warehouse district. It's all quite bizarre.

At any rate, I really wish I could remember my dreams. They would make for very interesting stories, to say the least. I don't ever dream about having super-powers, or traveling in time or space, or anything nutty like that. I just have some really unusual yet semi-plausible adventures. Rarely anything ever to do with things currently going on in my life (as much as I can correlate), it's just my brain doing its own crazy thing on its downtime.

For instance, this morning, I woke up and remembered one line - something to the effect of "We have secured the battery, and taken care of the peasant". I don't know if I said it, or was being told it. I do know those weren't code words - only I would have a dream that somehow managed to involve an actual peasant and a battery. Yep, that all sounds about right...

Welcome to my world. Grab a helmet - it's an adventure!
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Now playing: the pop will eat itself - dance of the mad bastards

Rah-rah 2008!

Have fun & be safe! See ya next year...

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Now playing: rufus wainwright - what are you doing new year's eve?

Last weekend of '07

All of the Christmas decorations are once again packed away. I've stopped listening exclusively to my Holiday-themed playlists. All the due laundry is done, the casa has been tidied up, and all of my household affairs are confidently in good order following a thorough post-Holiday scrub. All in all, a pretty productive weekend. Not too productive, of course. Next, I just need to decide what (if anything) to do on NYE. I'll sleep on it; that sounds like a good enough plan for now ;)
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Now playing: iron & wine - faded from the winter

Art time perk III

Frida Kahlo at the Walker. Excellent exhibit! Our visit today had an interesting beginning...

We enter the Walker to get our passes, and there are three ticket people all sitting at the same desk ready to take our money. My sister goes to the first one who looked up at us, and I stood behind her expecting one of the two others to soon help me. I look at each of them in turn, and they both smile brightly back at me; they were clearly not busy. After several of these back-and-forth glances with them both, the man--as if some hidden timer had suddenly gone off--chirpily announces & motions that he can "now" help me "right over here", which is less than a half-sidestep to my right...

So, I hand over my money, and then turn to watch my sister get her aluminum ticket tab -- just when you'd expect the ticket-chick to say something like "Thanks, enjoy the show" or "Please remember there's no flash photography", she instead flatly states:
"Solar panels blinding canyon boulder."
Pause. "Errr... I'm sorry, what was that again?"
"Solar panels blinding canyon boulder."
Another pause. "OK... Thanks", said my sister as she stepped off to the side, and fiddled with putting her ticket tab on. The ticket-chick turned slightly, and contentedly grinned at a blank wall. I exchanged a quick "WTFO?" glance with my sister. Out of the corner of my eye, I see ticket-dude reaching across with my ticket tab, and when I turn to accept it, he says:
"Duck hat fetching pencil car."
"Yes, of course. Thank you", I quickly responded, not in the mood to hear him repeat it, or give him the pleasure of asking him to repeat it. However, I must admit I did have a strong urge to punch him in the face. Odd.

So, do any of you cultured peeps out there in Bloggersphere know what this was all about?!? Were we simply the unwitting prank victims of three bored, grinning-idiot ticket minions? Or was this some sort of new David Lynch -inspired coded greeting? I've never before had an employee there speak unintelligible drivel to me, and purposefully instigated discombobulation doesn't seem like a practice the Walker would advocate. Meh, I don't get it - but we pressed on...

The exhibit itself was fantastic; I didn't realize how much of a messed-up life Frida had, and some of her art very clearly reflects that. I myself found her self-portraits with various monkeys particularly disquieting for whatever reason, as if The Two Fridas and The Dream (to name just a couple!) weren't perplexing enough. Her perceptions on many things, including America's "obsession with plumbing and sports", in My Dress Hangs There are quite thought-provoking. All are very interesting pieces, to say the least. I'm never not surprised at the depth & breadth of any given artist's work when I go to an exhibit. I'd like to know more about some of her specific pieces I saw today; I'll have to see what I can find on the 'net. One of my good friends from work was going to see family in Mexico City over the Holidays, and she mentioned that she would try to see Frida's house - I'll be curious to find out if she did. I highly recommend checking this exhibit out before it ends on 20 Jan - well worth it!
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Now playing: fiona apple - sullen girl

Thank you, family!

What a wonderful Christmas it has been. It was good to see most of the family unit over the last two days. Shaun, Katie & The Boys are safely off on their annual winter-break adventure, and despite a minor auto accident (no details yet), Karin, Chris & their gang have checked in after safely arriving down south to see his father. For the rest of us, it's been some great quality time together. As usual, there was far too much food, and we all ate far too much as a result. And we laughed - a few of us narrowly cheated a premature death from choking fits, we laughed so hard. Ah yes, good times, good times...

We roll'd dem bones whilst playing two rounds of The Wonderful Christmas Spirit Sharing & Giving Game a.k.a. The Evil Thievin' Game this year, and that is always good humor. Memorable paraphrased quotes from the various gift exchanges:

"Oh wait... Stop, stop unwrapping! That's so-and-so's gift... Here, you just take this over here instead."
"How much time is left? ... 10 minutes ... But there was 10 minutes left 5 minutes ago..."
"I can see the latino influence... It's there... Look closer."
"No, really, you can have the bowls. No, you ... No, you ..."
"OK, so who's gonna take the coffeemaker? Seriously."
"Is that black toilet paper? Nice!"
"You just took them?!?" (re: the infamous booty of Target gift cards)
"Yes, of course you can use them for that. See, they're 'multi-purpose' wipes..."
"Your salt-&-pepper shakers are molting."
... I know I'm forgetting some other winners, but that's a taste.

A big thanks to my awesome family for yet another great Christmas!
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Now playing: ella fitzgerald - have yourself a merry little christmas

Wrapping-challenged

Ugh. I am the worst gift-wrapper in the world. No skills. Yeah, mine look nothing like that picture. And I'm just using newspaper, so that isn't helping my case here at all. My family is going to get a good laugh out of this buffoonery...
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Now playing: elvis - santa claus is back in town

Happy Holidays!

I wish everyone out there a very Merry Christmas!

Godspeed if you are traveling - be safe!
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Now playing: leonard cohen - hallelujah

Pay it forward

One night this week, I volunteered to assist at a Holiday celebration hosted by a local organization that helped me get back on my feet with finding a job. I have done some volunteer work for them in the past (but it's been a while), so when I saw the invitation to help, I said "yes", although I didn't know any details. As it turns out, this was a Holiday party for primarily single-parent families who are in transitional sober housing, or are getting program support for domestic abuse, dual-diagnosis, etc. Despite not having any experience with these recovery-specific services offered by this organization, I was grateful for the chance to give back for the invaluable job-placement assistance they provided me.

I came over straight from work, and the shindig was in full swing - Santa was there for the kids, there was a cookie 'decorating' area, a crafts area, karaoke available for Holiday songs, bingo, and other activities. Since I wasn't a regular face in these other programs, I had several people approach me and ask who I was, why I was there, etc. I enjoyed talking with everyone I had the opportunity to. Most were surprised to learn that I was in recovery myself: "But you don't look like it!" was something I heard more than once - haha! if only they'd seen me 1.5 years ago! It ended up being a wonderful 12th Step opportunity - I shared pertinent parts of my recovery journey with people, and I hope it benefited them as much as it did me.

One adolescent boy timidly approached me as I was watching a group play bingo (as sugared-up tots excitedly darted to-and-fro with their decorative craft-project paper reindeer antlers swinging wildly), looked me over, and said "You must think we're all crazy." I laughed and said, "Oh, not at all... In fact, if anyone here is crazy, it's me -- heck, I even still have my locked-up-in-the-psych-ward paperwork to prove it!". We ended up having a great talk about where he was at, what options were available to him, etc. When he had to leave, he said "Thank you", and the sincerity of it made my day.

I left that night very grateful - grateful for the miracle that is the 12-Step program of AA, grateful to all of the amazing people who have supported me in my recovery journey, and grateful for the gift of unexpected opportunities to pay it forward.

A work in progress...
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Now playing: social distortion - story of my life

:)

"OK, I'll talk! Just NO more 'elf yourself' emails!!!"

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Now playing: helmet & house of pain - just another victim

Art time perk II

On Saturday, I got to spend some quality time with various family members, all with the added bonus of gettin' my arts & culture on. In the morning, I went with Margo and Katie to see the Georgia O'Keefe exhibit at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts. Details on the exhibit here. Fantastic show! My favorite painting there was a small still life of a fig, titled appropriately "fig". Isn't it interesting what different people find appealing & attractive? All of her work was beautiful, of course. I enjoyed our discussions of what she was trying to convey in her various abstract paintings - good fun!

That evening, most of the family unit went to see one of my Mom's concerts. She is in the Twin Cities Community Gospel Choir, and her love for music & singing is beautifully apparent when she is on stage. The Good Lord knows I don't have much of an ear for music (yeah, that gene definitely skipped over me!), but you couldn't help but be caught up in the genuine enthusiasm generated by the choir & their clear passion for the music. A most joyous and energetic Holiday celebration! Good times, good times...

I still have yet to go see the Frida Kahlo exhibit at the Walker before that show ends in January. I'm looking forward to that!
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Now playing: alison krauss - down to the river to pray

The road to hell...

Some say the road to hell is paved with good intentions (or unbought stuffed dogs, if you are a Hemingway fan), and I see plenty of truth in that. Whether it's those little white lies given under the guise of 'protecting' someone from a perceived-to-be inconsequential or unnecessarily painful truth, or it's simply not taking the right & proper action. I'm indisputably capable of being smugly satisfied with knowing the 'right' answer or having a 'good plan', but do I take timely action? As the 12x12 reminds me (p 67), "Consider, too, our [as alcoholics] talents for procrastination, which is really sloth in five syllables." Indeed!

Anyway, what's gotten me thinking about this recently is the fact that I've heard from some old friends recently - and what a true blessing & wonderful Holiday gift that is! Although I have had intentions of contacting them eventually, I hadn't taken action. I could list off any number of excuses for not doing so, but as one of my friends pointed out at a recent AA meeting, "a road 1000 miles long also has 2000 miles of ditch", and I certainly fell in the ditch somewhere with my grand plan of contacting old buds.

So, my friends, thanks for pulling me out of the ditch - it's nice to be back! Your support and goodwill are greatly appreciated! ;)

A work in progress...
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Now playing: the decemberists - sons & daughters

Mr. Yuk & Letting Go

Resentment is a poison we take hoping the other person will suffer

AA's Big Book (p 64) reminds me that when it comes to the defeat of self, "Resentment is the 'number one' offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stems all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically."

When I am mad or resentful with something, I am in denial of the fact that I am practicing self defeat. The true victory in these discontented circumstances is not the fulfillment of some form of karmic 'justice', rather it's when I take back complete control of my thoughts & emotions and decide that I am going to move on as a wiser, healthier, & stronger person. Really, what other choice do I have??? To continue to let this person or situation take up space rent-free in my head and thus consume my valuable time & energy? Or do I remove that intrusion to my serenity by letting it go? I cannot control God's will for the situation, so why (at such a great cost to myself) do I commonly fantasize about doing so?  Crazy, ain't it?

A work in progress...
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Now playing: iron & wine - upward over the mountain

The office Holiday party

Yep, we had that shindig tonight. Very impressive setup; it was quite the nice time. But I'm very glad I left as early as I did - I saw enough developments underway that'll keep the rumor mill gleefully buzzing for the foreseeable future. Haha, have I mentioned recently that I'm soooo happy that I don't drink anymore? Could be pretty interesting tomorrow morning... Who needs TV when you have quality drama like this? ;)
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Now playing: run dmc - christmas in hollis

You would think...

...that a set of keys would make some noise if they were to be gobbled up & spit out by a small snowblower.

Not so much.

I was just finishing the big pile left by the plows at the front of the driveway when I look over at the snowbank and notice two broken parts of (what appear to be) my thin foldable earmuffs sticking out. "Ugh", I thought, "I guess they fell out of my pocket, and I must've run over them. How did I not notice that?!?", I chastised myself. As I begin to pat my jacket pocket to confirm they were indeed mine, I simultaneously notice both a lack of my familiar key jingle-jangle, and see part of a 'whoop-whoop' car key fob laying in the snow not far from my earmuff.

"Oh boy." That mild realization was followed by a hissed string of expletives that would make any Herk crewdawg proud as I dived into the snowbank furiously sifting for my keys... any keys... a key... anything! I did find the broken key ring itself, which confirmed my worst fears - all of the keys were separated and scattered. Ugh.

Fortunately, all of the keys could be replaced, so nothing was lost forever. Who knows, I may even find a couple of them when the snow melts (St. Anthony? Are you taking notes up there? Pencil me in for next spring please...) Frustrating? Yes. End of the world? Hecks no. Today's lesson?  Zip up yer pockets! ;)  Life goes on!

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Now playing: green day - basketcase

'Tis the season

Time to get out & shred the gnar! Or whatever the kids are calling it these days...
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Now playing: jojo effect - the beat goes on

Let it snow!

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Now playing: cocteau twins - winter wonderland